To suspect I may be a tosser

[spiderslegs]

Really,

It's gone too far.

I stayed in a yurt last week.

I don't have a TV.

I am a SAHM.

I breast-fed my youngest until she was 2.7 years old.

But still.

I read the Telegraph & the Spectator.

The papers may save you. No TV and a yurt...you are in danger of being a tosser. Tread carefully. My advice is to get yourself to Greggs for a sausage roll and fruitshoot before it is too late .

Am drinking homemade beer (although from DH's brewery)

Wank.

I'm doomed.

(nibbles pork products to redeem oneself...)

If the said pork product is parma..you've had it!

Oh dear, it's not looking good is it?
But at least you realise, which can go a long way towards warding off unacceptably offensive tosser-icity.

tosser-icity!!

homemade beer?

Arse & wank, wank , wank ,wank, no - the pork is pancetta, fuck, but it is, HOME CURED PORK

& The beer is homemade

You may be bordering on slightly wanky, but I don't think you're a tosser

You need to eat one of those billy bear "meat" things that will sort ya out

I know it's a fine point of difference but I agree with Jareth - more wanky than tosser.

Have you woven any lentils or home-brewed yoghurt recently?

I breastfeed my nearly 2 yr old, make homemade sauces and..

I read the daily mail

Isn't reading that paper the biggest sin on here?!

How was the yurt by the way?!

thius is bizarre but true. Years ago, when I was working, there was a report that an African woman was still breastfeeding her chil;d when it was 27 years old.

maybe that's where David Walliams got his idea for "bitty" from, hmm?

Tosser is a bit strong. Middle-class cliche, perhaps?

You're not alone; I'm becoming one too. Which I find weird, and quite amusing, because that's SO not the way I grew up.

Born-again middle-class cliche, that's me.

Euwww, read 2.7 years as '27' just then... It was almost believable, too alongside mention of 'yurt' (can't stand that word...) OP, you scared me...

Umm, Gabby wrote 27 years old. 2.7yo is barely newsworthy.

It is when set alongside yurts and Telegraph, apparently.
(and curious combination, btw... were you setting out to frighten yurt dwellers with devilish reading material, OP ?)

i reckon you are not a tosser just because of the things you mentioned, but you would be if you assumed that those of us who don't live in yurts/brew our own beer (does rhubarb vodka count?)/knit out own pulses and legumes were sub-species.

although if you are modeling the sock/sandal/hairy leg combo i may re-think...

Wanky I can live with - My name's Spiders & I am a bit wanky, ok I can do that.

Yurt was very good - would recommend, am off now to assuage hangover.

Thankfully I will be using conventional methods, tea, chocolate biscuits, paracetamol.

I think that brings me down the wank-scale a bit.

Do you wear social worker type shoes? If not, I reckon you're ok.

Bollocks, I just remembered, I commissioned my first piece of art yesterday, a drawing of my daughter's favourite invertebrates for her birthday.

I am off the scale.

May go & shoot myself.

I'd say you were a bit poncy, but not a tosser- you're not that bad!

I don't know what a yurt is [thicky emoticon].
Does that make me more or less of a tosser ?