To suspect I may be a tosser

[spiderslegs]

Really,

It's gone too far.

I stayed in a yurt last week.

I don't have a TV.

I am a SAHM.

I breast-fed my youngest until she was 2.7 years old.

But still.

I read the Telegraph & the Spectator.

Nah, that's just a middle class part time crusty at "Glasto" :)

Do you have a goat :)

No cornish pasty shoes, no goat - phew - am also currently eating Haribo.

I do smoke roll-ups though.

and we had a beer festival last month involving morris dancers & bunting.....

Beyond redemption I'm afraid

We don't have a TV. I bf all the children till they were about 3yo(3.1, 2.6, 3.6) and have no idea what a yurt is. Obviously (apart from the last) we're just normal, and the rest of the world is crazy.

Birkenstocks?

Make food from wild produce you find in hedges (I know there is a proper word for this but brain is mush by way of a change)?

Knit your own sanitary protection?

Birkenstocks - yes

Forraging, yes, blackberries, sloes, rowan berries, wild garlic, elderflowers & berries etc etc.

TAMPAX - ha, in your face mooncup.

Two out of three - there may be hope....

Foraging

Your DH has a brewery?

If he makes it professionally then it's not homemade.

Deffo wanky rather than tosser.

Chuffin' nora! You need to dilute your wankiness with vast amounts of processed food, sticking your DCs in front of a DVD and chucking the Spectator in the bin and reading "Hello". Make sure you have purged your wardrobe of boden / white stuff / joules, and get your next holiday booked at an all-inclusive site in mallorca.

Sorry, shouldn't it be wnaky?

Sadly not Trillian, it is Mr Spider's home-built micro brewery in a barn - you see, it's got wnaky written all over it....

No Boden, whitestuff, Joules - none, nada, zilch, even the mini spiders are not subject to that horror.

Children had laughing cow with their lunch - a good start, yes? (bugger, they also had salami, olives, hummus, wholemeal pitta & salad)

ARSE - where did it all go wrong WHERE????

I used to be wild & free, I now appear to be mild & twee.....feck.

I do wear quite alot of Toast though - that has to be better than Boden, doesn't it?????

DP makes beer, but it's in plastic containers and in the shed and with kits bought from the internet, so not quite so rustic and homegrown as yours :)

It is difficult tbh.

I would say that weighing the potentially tossery is affected by the fact that you acknowledge the wanky aspect of many of these things.

And yet many are not wanky per se. They are only wanky when they are done for effect and to enhance an image of a certain lifestyle a la weekend supplement about Leon and missed and their delightful children India, sepulchre and perineum .

So you are fine if that is who you are but you don't advertise it.
But then you started this thread.....

Oh.

On the scale what I invented (please see below) I would say you were more "a bit of a dick" rather than a tosser, so take heart.

From 1 to 5, 5 being the severest title.

1. Twit
2. Prat
3. Bit of a dick
4. TOSSER

Excellent scale.

I would have liked to see knobber though.

I rather love Jan's scale, especially the ironic lack of a number 5 on her scale of 1-5.

You have a sense of humour.

Therefore you can NEVER be a tosser.

I think I aspire to be a bit of a tosser. I would like a bell tent with tea light chandelier in it , would I have made it once I got this?

As yes, The JanMorrow Scale,

Pag is however, correct, it should go,

1. Twit
2. Prat
3. Bit of a dick
4. TOSSER
5. Knobber
6. Liz Jones

Did we discover what exactly a yurt is yet?

I'm eating haribo's (star mix obviously) and mumsnetting on my phone, however DS is playing with a jigsaw, I have Wimbledon coverage on on the tv and homemade bread in the oven... What does that make me!?!

Isn't a yurt some kind of large tent jobby made of yak skin sewn together with yak sinews, or somesuch?

A yurt is a circular, traditional Mongolian Tent as any tosser kno.