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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or is my sil?

65 replies

biddysmama · 25/06/2011 11:01

she text me asking what size shoes dd is cos shes seen some little converse and was gunna buy them for her, dd is 27 months

i replied with "6 but its a lot of money to spend on trainers and tbh she doesnt wear trainers, she likes girly shoes :) "

the reply i got was "ungrateful cow, they arent fucking trainers, they are converse"

i actually thought my reply was ok and didnt want her wasting her money on something that wouldnt be used

OP posts:

MumblingRagDoll · 25/06/2011 11:11

I think you killed your SILS pleasure....which was unecassary....but she was very wrong to swear!

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 25/06/2011 11:14

Well, it does sound a bit dismissive and ungrateful and very much like a hint to buy her some girly shoes instead.

The best response, imo, is she's a 6 and it's really generous of you, thank you, but she's growing so fast now, would it be terribly rude of my to ask for the receipt so that if they are too small, I can change them for the next size up?

Then you take them and the receipt into the shop and exchange them for girly shoes.

Then if she sees them, you say oh, yes, they weren't her size so I went in to change them for the next size up, but they were out of converse, so I had to get these instead. Aren't they adorable too though?

coffeeandcream · 25/06/2011 11:15

I always think that texts and emails etc are so easy to take the wrong way or in the wrong tone. She was just thinking of you, but there was no need to explode at you like that - its just rude. Perhaps try to speak to her and make light of it when you can explain properly?

C&C

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 25/06/2011 11:15

oh yes, goes without saying that swearing at you was bang out of order.

Unless she's the type of effing person who effing swears convo-effing-sationally and effing swearing isn't an effing big deal.

WidowWadman · 25/06/2011 11:25

"Well, it does sound a bit dismissive and ungrateful and very much like a hint to buy her some girly shoes instead."

That. I'd be quite annoyed if I were her.

worraliberty · 25/06/2011 11:32

How can a child so young like 'girly shoes'?

Do you mean you like her in girly shoes?

Cymar · 25/06/2011 11:37

Calling you an ungrateful cow is rude whatever way it was said either to your face or in a text.

Original poster

biddysmama · 25/06/2011 11:46

ah bugger, it was supposed to come across as me not wanting her to waste her money on something she wouldnt wear

OP posts:

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 25/06/2011 11:47

I don't know, worra. 27 months is what? 2 years and 3 months? I think a child of 2.3y is quite likely to have preferences for shoes - and clothes, and toys and food and and and ...

And express them clearly and at great volume

mrsbiscuits · 25/06/2011 11:50

Sorry I'm old (43)... I thought Converse were trainers or am I getting them mixed up with something else?

Original poster

biddysmama · 25/06/2011 11:52

i think converse are trainers as well, she doesnt wear trainers, or have anything that goes with trainers, shes a very girly girl

OP posts:

purpleplump · 25/06/2011 11:53

Bit of an extreme response to what seems like a perfectly polite text. She is your daughter and not that it really matters but converse are infact trainers, maybe not necessarily in the traditional sense but I can't say I have seen many people wearing them for best have you? :)
It is a bit of an extravagant amount to spend on a pair of shoes that she will simply grow out of in short while.
There was simply no reason for the swearing, she couldn't have read that wrongly into it, surely?
Not ungrateful in the slightest and YANBU, she is.

ihatecbeebies · 25/06/2011 11:56

Although swearing at you was obviously really unreasonable, I agree with what liberty said, 2 is quite young to have formed such strong opinions about what shoes to wear, let her buy the shoes if she wants your dc probably wont care if they're not feminine enough, the only thing she'll be wondering is 'can I put them in my mouth?'

Maybe she was annoyed that you'd said no and had a bit of a bitch to a friend and sent you the text by mistake? Is that quite out of character of her or does she usually talk to you like that?

worraliberty · 25/06/2011 11:56

Why won't a 'girly girl' wear trainers?

Surely she runs around...jumping, climbing etc?

They're ideal for that sort of thing, though I wouldn't see the point in spending a lot of money on them.

GreenEyesandHam · 25/06/2011 11:56

If that was your exact response, I'd have thought you were an ungrateful cow.

Not that I don't understand your reasoning now, but that response is rude. In my opinion.

purplepidjin · 25/06/2011 11:57

I think yanbu. Sil should have text saying she'd seen some Converse and would dd like them. You're the parent, it's up to you what dd may have a choice of to wear!

Converse are quite narrow afaik so even the right size might not fit properly

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange · 25/06/2011 11:57

She's really taken that the wrong way hasn't she.

GreenEyesandHam · 25/06/2011 11:57

Didn't you even tag a 'thanks for the thought' or anything on the end?

StayFrosty · 25/06/2011 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Northernlurker · 25/06/2011 12:01

I think you may be misreading your sil's reply. It's possible to call somebody an ungrateful cow in a light and joking tone face to face.

However I think your reply was very wet blanketish and I wouldn't be chuffed to receive it so it maybe that she has in fact flared up. She's wrong to do so but nobody's perfect.

Why don't you call her and sort this out then you can both apologise.

pinkgirlythoughts · 25/06/2011 12:04

I can see that you meant it as not wanting her to waste a lot of money on shoes for a toddler, and I completely agree with that idea, too, but I do think you could possibly have said thanks for the thought, to stop it coming across as slightly rude.

But, FWIW, your SIL is wrong, they are fucking trainers (this is an ongoing argument between DP and I ;) )!

Icoulddoitbetter · 25/06/2011 12:09

Though the swearing was a bit unecessary, I'm not surprised at her repsonse. Your reply could have been a bit more "grateful for the thought" i.e. don't bother telling her the shoe size, just "it's a really lovely thought but I (and it is you, isn't it?!) don't really put her in trainers and they are so expensive, sorry!"

I got an email from my MIL last year saying she'd bought a football kit for my 10mo DS with the reciept in case I needed to change it. If she'd told me before She'd bought it I would have told her not too, just because of the cost, but I would have done it very diplomatically!!!!

MorallyBankrupt · 25/06/2011 12:09

I'm totally with your SIL. Really didn't merit such a snotty reply from OP when she was just trying to be nice.

LadyThumb · 25/06/2011 12:11

YABU to use the word 'gunna'.

LittleMissFlustered · 25/06/2011 12:17

My sister in law, when she found out I was pregnant, begged to be allowed to be the person who bought it's first pair of trainers. Told her she'd be welcome, though to be prepared for a wait, as until they were required for school PE there would be none in my house. She couldn't get her head around the fact I hate trainers and wouldn't be hotfooting it down to soccer sports for a pair of nasty nike as soon as the child was tottering about.

So, not unreasonable at all. If they'd not be worn, there's no point wasting the cash.

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