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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another reason to dislike mil?!

55 replies

kitkey · 04/06/2011 09:50

I have been up since 6 with the dcs as usual when at 9.15 mil phones - she tries to chat a bit to me but I do 't really get on with her but she asks me how I am - I say a bit tired (am 24 weeks pregnant with dc3) she say "yes you must keep well and rest a bit". She then asks to speak to Dh who is snoring in bed - so I tell her and she says "don't wake him, he's been working hard all week - let him lie in." She is so bloody annoying and DH can do nothing wrong in her eyes. If I was speaking to a dil in my position I'd tell her to get him up and to make sure she got the 1 lie in of the week (I wool 7am to 8pm on Sunday's). Btw I do sometimes try and get DH up but he lies on sofa dozing whilst kids fight or come up and poke me - so never much of sir in anyway.

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Original poster
kitkey · 04/06/2011 09:51

Work not wool!

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SmellsLikeTeenStrop · 04/06/2011 09:53

ISTM that the person you should be feeling annoyed at is your DH. Do you think perhaps you're deflecting anger on to your MIL as a way of avoiding confrontation with your husband?

DuelingFanjo · 04/06/2011 09:53

if you want to wake him, wake him. you don't need your MIL's permission. Go and poke him and Plonk the kids on him!

LeonardNimoy · 04/06/2011 09:53

I think your problem is your DH, not your mil

gapants · 04/06/2011 09:53

Sounds like you are projecting your negative feelings about your DH onto your MIL. You need to chat to DH about the lie ins and taking turns and supporting you in your pregnancy.

Have you actually asked your MIL for help yet? Maybe you should, and she would be more than happy to have the kids for a couple of hours/help you clean/pick up some shopping and so on.

Why don't you make a habit of going for a nap after lunch and letting DH get on with the day for a bit without you?

TheFlyingOnion · 04/06/2011 09:55

Your MIL sounds perfectly nice from what you've said - she calls, she asks after you....

If you want your DH to get up, go and wake him! And if you're happy for him to have a lie in, what the hell's the problem?

Journey · 04/06/2011 09:59

Agree with theflyingonion.

IgnoringTheChildren · 04/06/2011 10:00

Umm - perhaps it's actually your DH that you're annoyed at here? Your MIL was just making inane conversation (fair enough if you don't really get on) but it's your DH who isn't pulling his weight with the DC in your eyes.

If your MIL had said what you suggested then perhaps you'd be on here bitching complaining about your interfering MIL telling you what to say to your DH... Wink

ScrotalPantomime · 04/06/2011 10:01

Yep your DH is the problem. Demand a lie in! Or just bugger off out and leave him to it!

IgnoringTheChildren · 04/06/2011 10:01

x-posted with everyone! Should learn to type faster or ignore the children better... Grin

Original poster
kitkey · 04/06/2011 10:04

I know it is DH and do have a lot of argument about him pulling his weight. They live a 4 hrs drive from me so can't help. Besides mil think I nag DH too much and that is why we don't get on. She in her housekeeping habits is filthy - I can't even eat from their kitchen - her hair is always in the food - once ds1 was coughing on some pasta she made and I pulled a massive long dark hair out of his mouth. DH wasn't brought up to be self - motivated and do household things - luckily he was interested in learning and has done well career wise but when he gets home from work he needs a LOT of nagging - he would just sit in a dump and read a book if I let him. When she he here if I nag him she sometimes rolls her eyes in a joking way to him ffs. He can do no wrong in her eyes but I think she was far to soft on him as a child/ teen hence the way he is now. Just that phone call has annoyed me for ruining him ad a child!! I'm a bitch.

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TheFlyingOnion · 04/06/2011 10:06

It also sounds a bit like you're keeping a mental list of your MIL's indiscretions: "Reasons to hate my MIL", which seems really unfair on her...

Have you considered how you must come across to her if she can't do right for doing wrong?

Original poster
kitkey · 04/06/2011 10:06

Awful typing on phone - sorry.

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TheFlyingOnion · 04/06/2011 10:08

so you don't like her cos her house is dirty? And you don't like her because your husband won't help around the house?

Wow, you are being unreasonable.

Tell your DH to get off his backside and help - he's a big boy now and whether or not his mum taught him how to clean when he was little matters not a jot...

Original poster
kitkey · 04/06/2011 10:12

I know I just had here all bank holiday rolling her eyes at DH when I asked him to fold washing, empty dishwasher etc. This is his house and kids but she giggles and rolls her eyes like she is 16. It encourages his laziness if she thinks me nagging is funny.

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TheFlyingOnion · 04/06/2011 10:13

not really crime of the century though is it?

Original poster
kitkey · 04/06/2011 10:18

No but I don't have to like her - I dislike her and always will do - I let them stay here whenever they turn up with only one days notice, feed them and let them have loads of time with her grandchildren but I will never like her.

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TheFlyingOnion · 04/06/2011 10:20

actually I think you do have to find a way of getting on, even liking her. She's your family now, and your children's family and its not fair for you to decide you're "never" going to like her.

I almost feel sorry for her. She doesn't seem to have really done anything wrong. She can't help who she is.

reelingintheyears · 04/06/2011 10:22

Gosh i'm feeling sorry for your MIL now..

She must have done something right...she brought up your DH and you love him.

Becaroooo · 04/06/2011 10:25

I sympathise kit

If she is in your house as your guest and rolling her eyes and laughing when you ask your dh to help you she is rude and ignorant.

However, I would agree that the real issue here is your dh.

Original poster
kitkey · 04/06/2011 10:27

Thanks - think I am feeling a bit over emotional and sorry for myself today. Struggling with my feeling for DH too. Hormones I hope.

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TheFlyingOnion · 04/06/2011 10:30

would it be possible to build some bridges with your MIL and try to establish a base for a better relationship, just between the two of you? Maybe go shopping for baby things or something together? If you understand her a bit more then maybe you'll find her easier to deal with?

Ormirian · 04/06/2011 10:35

She sounds really nice. She doesn't see the point of waking your DH just to talk to her. You are being odd. Sorry.

Original poster
kitkey · 04/06/2011 10:36

I know it sounds childish but at the moment I don't really want to. I have my kids, my house, my job and my own widowed mum to sort out - she is quite frail but drinks a lot so is hard work. MIL has her head in the clouds about real life (or the nitty gritty of my life)IMO.

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Original poster
kitkey · 04/06/2011 10:37

Well not sure why she rang at 9 then when last weekend she saw that he slept in.

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