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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another reason to dislike mil?!

55 replies

kitkey · 04/06/2011 09:50

I have been up since 6 with the dcs as usual when at 9.15 mil phones - she tries to chat a bit to me but I do 't really get on with her but she asks me how I am - I say a bit tired (am 24 weeks pregnant with dc3) she say "yes you must keep well and rest a bit". She then asks to speak to Dh who is snoring in bed - so I tell her and she says "don't wake him, he's been working hard all week - let him lie in." She is so bloody annoying and DH can do nothing wrong in her eyes. If I was speaking to a dil in my position I'd tell her to get him up and to make sure she got the 1 lie in of the week (I wool 7am to 8pm on Sunday's). Btw I do sometimes try and get DH up but he lies on sofa dozing whilst kids fight or come up and poke me - so never much of sir in anyway.

OP posts:
Ormirian · 04/06/2011 10:38

Ohhh she has got a dirty house! In that case burn the witch Hmm.

Your dh's laziness is an issue you should have with him not her.

BluddyMoFo · 04/06/2011 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reelingintheyears · 04/06/2011 10:39

So DH's Mum gets the heave ho.

Charming...just remember you will be a MIL one day and have to put up with DILs.

BluddyMoFo · 04/06/2011 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reelingintheyears · 04/06/2011 10:40

Maybe she rang at 9am this week because she thought it was your turn for a lie in.

TheFlyingOnion · 04/06/2011 10:40

But those things - your kids, your house, your job - won't change, so when will you have time for your MIL? I bet she feels really left out. You only need to go for a coffee...

LidlPrincess · 04/06/2011 10:51

I think the OP is annoyed at the indulgence of the DH by the MIL "oo he works so hard" its probably an indicator of an attitude MIL has to a "womans place" i.e. dont nag, your work isnt as hard as his, he comes first.

So if thats true then OP YANBU! And you are pregnant so it's allowed ;)

Original poster
kitkey · 04/06/2011 10:57

It has nothing to do with her dirty house - just the lack of respect for me liking a house. Thinking it is funny that I ask DH to do things. I di 't go I to her house a tut and starting tidying it for her. My problem is with DH but everytime she visits he is more lazy and I'm sure it is to do with her telling him I am uptight. Fwiw she lives 4 hrs away so I am lucky in that respect. I can tolerate her no more. I understand I was being unreasonable getting annoyed with her ringing this am but how dies she think I'm going to get any rest when she encourages DH to be lazy and not do what I ask. But i do get that IABU.

OP posts:
Original poster
kitkey · 04/06/2011 10:59

Thank you lidlprincess you have hit the nail right on the head.

OP posts:
SunshineisSorry · 04/06/2011 10:59

To be honest, you dont sound like you like your DH much more than your MIL

Original poster
kitkey · 04/06/2011 11:01

At the moment - no!!

OP posts:
Original poster
kitkey · 04/06/2011 11:02

They could go and fester in their filth together they way I feel at the moment.

OP posts:
LidlPrincess · 04/06/2011 11:03

You are welcome kitkey - think you are getting a pasting unreasonably cause people have not noticed what the underlying message by MIL is here. To her DH (and prob men in general) are more important. My own nan (god love her!) does the exact same thing. Drives me nuts.

WhoAteMySnickers · 04/06/2011 11:03

Wow, the second thread in as many days where I actually feel sorry for the MIL.

As others have said, I can't see that she's done anything wrong really and you are projecting your frustration about your useless DH onto your MIL.

SunshineisSorry · 04/06/2011 11:06

The issue is with your DH not your MIL, kick his lazy arse out of bed so that he is bright eyed and bushy tailed when MIL rings. She rings to talk to him so clearly thinks that actually its a reasonable time to get up! 9.15?? thats the middle of the day - you are pregnant, get him up, pack him off to the park with the kids and go back to bed.

LidlPrincess · 04/06/2011 11:09

And DH is a lazy arse, cause that's how he's been raised. And MIL keeps feeding into this by dropping comments about him "working so hard" and "dont nag him" and rolling eyes at so called "nagging" i.e. requests to contribute to upkeep of own house

demisemiquaver · 04/06/2011 11:15

maybe you're really angry at your mum

Original poster
kitkey · 04/06/2011 11:21

No mum is a bit of a mess right now but my brother is a domestic god compared to my DH and my mums still says when we are there - lovely food dil - ds are you going to clear away now.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 04/06/2011 11:24

He might have been 'raised' to be a lazy arse, but your DH is a grown man with responsibilities and presumably a brain, so there's nothing stopping him realising this and pulling his weight.
And to be fair, you're enabling him by not insisting on it.

Nanny0gg · 04/06/2011 11:26

Oh, and you've decided to have a third child whilst knowing what the situation is...

Original poster
kitkey · 04/06/2011 11:30

He is great dad and we have a lovely time as a family - just the laziness is getting to me at present - think you are way out of line nanny.

OP posts:
SunshineisSorry · 04/06/2011 11:39

"when i nag him on front of her, she rolls her eyes in a jokey way to DH" Seriously, you freely admit to not only nagging your DH but doing it in front of his mother???? No wonder she rolls her eyes, i'm not as polite as her i'd have to say something.

Nagging is not the way to go, believe me - i nag my DP and im not proud of it, but it solves nothing and causes bad feeling. You are just about to have another child, i think you need to sit down with him and talk about getting some more help (from him) in the house. Hes never going to be the tidier so think about other things he can do to help, i dont know, put him in charge of the washing or cooking or something - but dont nag, it is destructive. And its not about your MIL, its about the pair of you. I cant see what nanny has said that is so out of line

Nanny0gg · 04/06/2011 11:43

Really? When you reach adulthood it is no longer your mummy's fault that you don't know how to help around the house.
Dislike your MIL as much as you want, but don't blame her because your husband lets you do it all.

TheFlyingOnion · 04/06/2011 11:43

Nanny it was rude to question OPs decision to have a child - she's not being knocked around! Her DH is untidy and her MIL annoys her.

Hardly questionable circs in which to have a baby!

Nanny0gg · 04/06/2011 11:44

PS - Thanks Sunshine!
I'm a MIL - can you tell?
Grin