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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Controlling? Selfish at least, surely?

57 replies

Lorenz · 03/06/2011 19:48

Whenever me and DP go out for an Indian meal I always get Korma - simply because it's the only Indian dish I really like. I can tolerate the others but obviously if you have a favourite, you get your favourite! Anyway DP always insists that we should "try different dishes" but with this he insists we both share the korma and the dish he chooses. I just want a korma!! yet I'm always pressured into sharing half of it and eating half of something I don't much like just so he can "try" something different. One time he insisted on doing this and he hated the other dish so ended up eating most of my korma.

Another thing he does is tell me I don't want this and I don't want that. For instance "we can share a portion of onion bahjis, right?" err no, I want a portion for myself, get your own bloody starter! I always feel like I'm going out with my dad and feel like I can't get what I want.

We're due to go out for a meal tomorrow and already he's saying about what starters we'll be getting and how we can get a different curry to try aside from the korma.

AIBU to want some control in what I order??

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 03/06/2011 19:49

no but you also need to grow a pair and tell him that

ScrotalPantomime · 03/06/2011 19:49

YANBU that's a bit weird, is he like this with other things? Or is he just a controlling curryer?

YellowDinosaur · 03/06/2011 19:51

YANBU to want this but if it bothers you (and I get why) then why on earth do you let him get away with it? Why don't you say 'dh I don't want to try anything different. I like my korma and onion bahjis. If you want to try something different then fine but I don't want to share mine'

So YANBU to be bothered by this but YABU to be bothered about it and not say anything. He probably presumes you are happy to do this given the fact that you haven't said anything to the contrary

AgentZigzag · 03/06/2011 19:51

Go for a chineese? Grin

YANBU, be strong and tell him what you're ordering and he can please himself.

Mmmmm poppadoms...

AgentZigzag · 03/06/2011 19:52

hehe at the extra 'e' in chineeeese, I was salivating Grin

CMOTdibbler · 03/06/2011 19:53

Just tell him 'I am ordering a korma as that is what I want to eat. You order what you want, but I don't want any of yours and am not sharing mine'. S'easy - and if he doesn't get it, I'd really wonder about him tbh

rebelpunk · 03/06/2011 19:53

i'd tell him to f off. your food is exactly that- yours. i hate people picking at my plate.

fedupofnamechanging · 03/06/2011 19:53

You need to tell him that you will not be sharing and to order his own bloody food.

When you are at the restaurant order 2 Kormas, one for you and one for him, plus 2 of whatever you want for starter. When he questions this, tell him that you are annoyed with him eating half your dinner and attempting to impose his choices on you and if he doesn't pack it in he'll be wearing said korma!

YellowDinosaur · 03/06/2011 19:54

Because when dh and I go out for a curry we always share (and I always did this growing up in my family). So if I went out with someone else I'd suggest this too. If they didn't want to that wouldn't be a problem but I certainly wouldn't expect them to agree and then bitch about it

headfairy · 03/06/2011 19:54

tell him to eat his own food... dh always likes to bellow at top voice "Joey doesn't share fooooood" at me if I dare to try something he's ordered :o

G1nger · 03/06/2011 19:55

My partner and I always share our meals and we both like it this way. Only on rare occasions do we have clear preferences for just eating the one thing each and not sharing. But if it's not for you, it's not for you. Say no - you don't have to do it.

Playdohinthewashingmachine · 03/06/2011 19:55

You're going to have to say "I'm having a korma, and I want a whole korma so I won't be sharing it with you, and I'm not going to try any other dishes. You go ahead and order what you want, too."

Otherwise he won't know, will he.

Or go to the Chinese, maybe.

smallsheep · 03/06/2011 19:55

make him order his own Korma, you have yours all to yourself, and get a new dish you can both try together, either starter or main each time you go, pinching a forkful (or 2) to taste is OK, but to scoff all of yours cause he made a bad choice is his problem - he chose it bloody eat it! or order something else eh, next time he tries it, stab him with your fork

Casmama · 03/06/2011 19:55

Why don't you find an indian that does a buffet and then he can sample other things to his hearts content and you can just order a korma from the main menu. Alternatively, go for something other than indian or finally tell your dp to piss off and order what he wants to eat cos he's not getting any of yours.

Undertone · 03/06/2011 19:56

what a bellend

WhatsWrongWithYou · 03/06/2011 19:58

We used to have a similar thing years ago. We'd go for a curry with a friend of DH's who prided himself as a curry head.

The deal was always, let's order a mixture and share. Like you, I only really wanted my meal and they both ate much more quickly than me, so I ended up with a few spoonsful while they scoffed everything in thirty seconds flat.

DH then tried to extend this to every time we went for a meal, no matter where it was. I eventually put a foot down and insisted we order our own food - if nothing else, you feel such a pleb dipping into a bit of this and a bit of that). Now he gets the odd taste of mine (if I'm in a good mood). I still sometimes have to remind him we're not in a curry house, though.

insertcleverusernamehere · 03/06/2011 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Playdohinthewashingmachine · 03/06/2011 19:59

Hmm. Dh likes really hot food and I don't. Also he eats way more than I do. So if we order 2 curries, he eats the hot one, and makes sure I've had my fill of the mild one before polishing it off. He wouldn't eat all of the mild one cos he knows I don't like the hot one. S'only polite.

YellowDinosaur · 03/06/2011 19:59

See I just don't GET why people end up in this situation with their own dh? Unless he is an overbearing abusive bully (in which case you have bigger problems than the korma) why do you not just TELL him you odn't want to do this? I'm sorry but I don't get all the posters calling your dh a twat or wierd or saying you would tell him to f*ck off if it were you.

Why can't you just tell him you don't want to do this? You odn't like it but from the sounds of it have put up with it for a long time so you can't blame him for carrying on can you since most people would presume that if their wife wasn't happy about something she would just bloody tell them. Why is it such a big deal? Hmm

shineoncrazydiam0nd · 03/06/2011 20:03

Agree entirely with yellowdinosaur.

Just tell him you dont want to.

squeakytoy · 03/06/2011 20:04

If I were you I would try to experiment with other mild dishes for a bit of variety anyway. A tikka isnt spicy, nor is a biryani, so completely flummox him by NOT ordering a korma at all! Grin

Original poster
Lorenz · 03/06/2011 20:05

Because he tells me I'm greedy if I say I want my own meal and I HATE being thought of as being greedy

OP posts:
Original poster
Lorenz · 03/06/2011 20:06

And yeah he is controlling with other stuff

OP posts:
OddBoots · 03/06/2011 20:09

If he says you are being greedy then correct him, tell him you only want one portion but you would like it to be all korma.

He's not by any chance having more than half of each of the dishes is he?

bubblecoral · 03/06/2011 20:10

Find one of those all you can eat Indian restaurants that have buffets on a Sunday. We have one where we live, and it's wonderful!

Then you can order off the menu or have the buffet, you get what you want, he gets to try what he wants, everyones a winner.

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