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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DH shouldn't pay DD to do his ironing?

54 replies

Butterbur · 03/06/2011 15:31

There is history here. DH has never done his ironing - or any women's work housework at all. Before we were married, he paid his mum to do it. after we were married he succeeded in coercing me into doing it (what was I thinking?). I have been on strike for a year now, and he has finally hit on paying DD (13) to do it for him.

AIBU to think he should do his own shitwork?

OP posts:

worraliberty · 03/06/2011 15:36

It depends really. I used to send my ironing out to a company..not because I didn't have time to do it, but because I bloody hate doing it and I could afford not to have to.

If your daughter is happy to continue where you left off and earn some money, everyone's a winner.

colditz · 03/06/2011 15:37

Encourage her to find out qwhat an ironing company would charge and only slightly undercut them, that makes sure she's not being exploit3ed.

TheFlyingOnion · 03/06/2011 15:37

sounds like regular pocket-money-for-chores to me

Presumably both parties are happy with the arrangement?

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 03/06/2011 15:38

He might as well pay her as an ironing service.

Mind you back in the day I had to iron my dad's shirts for nothing! It was my household chore!

Original poster

Butterbur · 03/06/2011 15:38

Or is he conditioning her to be a domestic serf for the future men in her life? I feel very uncomfortable about it. And I loathe his attitude that he is too important busy to do domestic stuff.

OP posts:

PlanetEarth · 03/06/2011 15:39

I agree. I don't have a problem with paying kids to do chores, but the history is what sways me here. Plus, for me paying kids to do chores is only for optional chores. Is she going to do it all the time? Who will do it if she gets fed up? You say he's never done his ironing, so who did it for the past year? Has he just been crumpled for a year?

(I'm always crumpled btw, but I appreciate that your family may have different standards!)

3ismylot · 03/06/2011 15:39

If she is happy to do it for money and he is happy to pay then I dont see the problem really, I hate ironing so understand where he is coming from but mine are too young to do it lol

juuule · 03/06/2011 15:39

Don't see the problem.
Your dd has a way of earning money and your dh doesn't have to do the ironing that he dislikes. As long as she is happy with the rate he's paying of course. But then if she wasn't, I presume she wouldn't do it.

AgentZigzag · 03/06/2011 15:39

Sounds fine to me, why have DC else?

It's just grating on you that he's 'won' isn't it?

teraspawn · 03/06/2011 15:41

Him paying your DD to do the ironing is not the problem - his attitude towards housework is the problem and has clearly been for a long time. If you are ending up doing everything for him then you need to address that.

IAmTheCookieMonster · 03/06/2011 15:41

I think its fine as long as you make it clear to her and him that it is an optional chore and if she doesn't fancy doing it for any reason he is not allowed to make her do it or make her feel bad for not doing it.

AgentZigzag · 03/06/2011 15:41

'domestic serf for the future men in her life'

hahahaha don't be ridiculous, she's 13 and doing a bit of ironing - for money.

MumblingRagDoll · 03/06/2011 15:41

You should intead focus on ncouraging DD to take advantage in a business sense...she has a captive audience...no competition and so she can raise her prices.

ZZZenAgain · 03/06/2011 15:42

I don't like the idea either that housework has to be fobbed off onto a female -mother , wife, dd so I see what you mean

DilysPrice · 03/06/2011 15:42

I see why you're concerned, but actually I think that the fact that he's paying her is healthy in a way - they're both acknowledging that it's his job, his responsibility to deal with, and if he chooses to deal with it by paying someone else to do the job then that's between the two of them.

She's not doing it because she's a girl, she's doing it as a way of earning money.

3ismylot · 03/06/2011 15:43

Or is he conditioning her to be a domestic serf for the future men in her life? I feel very uncomfortable about it. And I loathe his attitude that he is too important busy to do domestic stuff.

so what about people who employ a cleaner? do you think they deem themselves the same too?

you are seriously overthinking this! If he was expecting it done for free then I could maybe see your point but he is paying her to do a job he doesnt want to so aslong as she is happy then it isnt a problem

nickelbabe · 03/06/2011 15:43

I would make it clear to your DH that it's not right to just assume a woman is in charge of ironing.

However, I am full in favour of offspring earning their pocket money, so, especially if he's giving her a working wage for it, then it's not a problem in itself.
It's a valuable work lesson for your DD, asa long as he isn't making it obvious he's giving it to her because she's a woman.

herbietea · 03/06/2011 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

worraliberty · 03/06/2011 15:44

Or is he conditioning her to be a domestic serf for the future men in her life? I feel very uncomfortable about it. And I loathe his attitude that he is too important busy to do domestic stuff

Well firstly you pandered to his attitude for 13yrs didn't you?

Secondly, how does your DD earning money condition her to be a domestic serf?

Do you feel the same about female cleaners/Child minders/Nannies? Aren't they being paid to do what was traditionally seen as 'womens work'?

bubblecoral · 03/06/2011 15:44

Do you have a ds that is old enough to iron?

Would you dh pay him for ironing if he could?

The only thing you have said so far that makes this about females is that you, his dd, and his mum have done ironing for him. Maybe if there was a bloke around that would do ironing for money, your dh would happily pay him too?

AgentZigzag · 03/06/2011 15:47

I don't see a problem even if it was for free 3ismylot, she's 13 and capable of doing a bit of ironing.

What's the difference in a mum saying 'unload the dishwasher please DD' and expecting her to do it because she lives in the house and should take some responsibility for running it, to a dad saying 'do this ironing for me please'?

No difference at all.

Unless you're making something of it because it's OK for a mum to assign ironing duties but not a dad?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/06/2011 15:49

Well if you didn't see a big enough problem to stop you marrying him, OP, why would you have a problem with your daughter receiving payment for a chore he can't/won't do? Presumably up until you 'went on strike', you did all the housework for 'free'.

3ismylot · 03/06/2011 15:50

very true AgentZigzag i only said she may have a point though

worraliberty · 03/06/2011 15:54

I have a sneaking suspicion that you're angry he's outsmarted you so your 'strike' had become ineffective

silverfrog · 03/06/2011 15:58

do you have a ds, OP?

I used to pay my dss to do the ironing. 50p per (mens) shirt (only really dh's shirts that get ironed. and the odd other bit). he didn't mind ironing, could do it while watching tv etc - win win.

I also paid my dsd to do the hoovering - proper job moving sofas etc, not just round-the-bit-in-the-middle, and she got paid per room.

I agree that it it your dh's attitude that is the problem here, not the outsourcing of ironing per se.

I'd be talking long and hard to yuor dd, about how it is totally her choice - extra money etc, not regular chore for regular pocket money.

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