Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go on holiday without 10mo DS?

53 replies

bettydraperswardrobeelf · 12/05/2011 09:16

I have been offered the chance to go away with my best friend for a week to Turkey in September. The accommodation is free as the apartment belongs to another friend so will just be paying for flights and spending money. My PFB DS will be 10 months when I plan to go. DH is fine with it and is encouraging me to go, my Mum is going to help out with the childcare and work have given me the time off. The next step is to book the flights. However, I am starting to have a massive crisis of conscience. the idea of a week lying by a pool reading a book with no demands from anyone seems like absolute bliss but I am really worried about leaving DS for that long. I haven't been away from him for more than a night yet, but will be going back to work full time in July so will be a bit more used to it by Sepetember. Am going to miss him like crazy and have started wondering if my plans make me a really bad mother. Basically I want to know if you were offered this opportuinity would you take it or would you be a good Mum and stay at home and care for your child? I feel bad for even wanting to go!

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 12/05/2011 09:18

Hey it would not make you a really bad mother not at all. It is only a week and you will deserve a break after working and being a mum.

Take the holiday.

wolfhound · 12/05/2011 09:19

I don't think you're a bad mum for wanting to go. Personally I wouldn't do it - eldest is 3.5 now, and I have only been away from them for 1 night at a time. But it all depends on how comfortable your DS is with his other carers and how happy he will feel. Mine would have been wailing for Mummy the whole time, but they were still BF at that stage, so a different situation. Perhaps you could just go for 3 or 4 nights?

MmeLindt · 12/05/2011 09:24

These threads are difficult, because everyone will base their reply on their own personal feelings. Some would not consider this, and would still not leave their DC when they are 7 or 8 yo. Some will say go for it.

You have to sort out how YOU feel about it, not how some random internet sprites would feel.

Your DS is going to be well looked after, it will be a great break for you. But do you want to do it? Bearing in mind that your time with your DS will be more limited when you go back to work.

Or would you prefer to go away with your DH and DS for a week?

mymummyisasquarehead · 12/05/2011 09:24

Do it, he'll be absolutely fine and you'll enjoy the break :-)

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 12/05/2011 09:26

YABU. The holiday will be awful. Your heart will ache for DS too much.

sausagesandmarmelade · 12/05/2011 09:29

You deserve to have a break...it will be refreshing.

Definitely go and enjoy yourself. The children will be in good hands....you have nothing to feel guilty about.

ThisIsMySobriquet · 12/05/2011 09:31

I went to Spain last year with a large group of friends for a week, my mum offered moved up to stay in our house for a week to help my husband with the childcare (my son was 2 and absolutely loves his granny like a second mum) and do all the jobs I would normally do (cooking, ironing etc)

I had a fantastic week of lying by the pool, fine wines and great company, rang home every evening to hear what son had been up to. When I arrived back my husband, mum and son were in arrivals greeting me with big hugs and smiles (a surprise, I was due to get a lift home with a friend). It was fab.

I treated my mum to a hotel spa break to thank her, she offered to do it again this year but look after him at her home with my dad so that my husband and I can go together. This year we're heading off next month for a weekend in the south of France with a bunch of friends.

vvviola · 12/05/2011 09:32

DH & I went on honeymoon when DD was 11 months. She stayed with my parents, had an absolute ball - and then everyone (DD, my parents, MIL, step-MIL & FIL, BIL) all came out to spend the second week of our holiday with us.

Yes we missed DD, but we knew she was well looked after. We trust my parents completely when it comes to looking after her - we've since left her with my parents for periods of a week on two seperate occasions (once for FILs funeral and once during a holiday period where we were working but had no childcare). But then my Mum in particular has been very involved with DD right from the beginning & they adore each other.

At that age unless I was completely confident of the childcare, I wouldn't have left DD - but because I had my Mum available I wasn't half as concerned.

I did cry all the way to the airport though... :)

TheSecondComing · 12/05/2011 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CMOTdibbler · 12/05/2011 09:33

TBH, as a ft working mum, I consider that all my holiday time is to spend with dh and ds. But its up to you

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 12/05/2011 09:33

Just do it, OP. YANBU at all.

squeakytoy · 12/05/2011 09:35

Ask yourself if you would mind your husband going away with his mate in the same circumstance, if you wouldnt, then there is your answer! Go and enjoy yourself. It wont do any harm at all for your husband to have full responsibility for a week, and will probably make him appreciate even more the hard work that having a baby involves. :)

NoobytheWaspSlayer · 12/05/2011 09:36

Go on holiday! Your DS will have a fab time with his Dad and Grandma - it'll let them appreciate everything that you do too. Go go go!

CareyFakes · 12/05/2011 09:37

Depends how you feel, I wouldn't have been able to leave DD at that age, and have only had 1 night at a time away from her, so for me it would be too much.

I do often dream of a weekend to do what I want, but in reality, it'd be shit.

But, if you're confident and happy you'll cope, go for it, why not!

pozzled · 12/05/2011 09:37

It's such a personal thing, only you will know what is best for you. Your DS will be absolutely fine and have a lovely time with your DH and your mum, so it just depends whether it will be a really nice break for you or whether you'll miss your DS too much.

Personally I would wait a little longer before leaving a DC for that long, but I'd certainly consider a weekend away at that age.

lukewarmmama · 12/05/2011 09:37

YANBU. Your DS will be looked after by his dad in his own home, its not like you're palming him off on a stranger.

The only question really is will YOU have a good holiday away from him for a week? (I suspect that, after the first day, you will!)

AnonymousBird · 12/05/2011 09:42

You are absolutely NOT a bad mum to want to go and YANBU to go, if you think you can handle the separation at an emotional level.

I went away for 5 nights when DS was 9 months, I cried all the way across the atlantic and carried his photo everywhere with me for the whole trip.

Never ever have I been so relieved to get home again.

Since then (now DS is nearly 7) I have done one other trip of 3 nights and otherwise only ever done a night away, and even then I am just basically pining so there is no point.

AnonymousBird · 12/05/2011 09:43

PS, as others have said, DS will be absolutely FINE and have a great time, as mine did, he had a ball with his GP's centre of attention for five whole days... it' just how you feel. Don't underestimate how you might feel!

jeckadeck · 12/05/2011 09:45

If both you and your DS are comfortable with the carers and your family are encouraging you to go I don't think you need to worry, let alone feel guilty about it. On the other hand I totally understand why it would be difficult for you to relax. If you think you can put your fears to one side while you're there and relax then do it. If its going to hang over you throughout the holiday it may be more trouble than its worth.

HandMini · 12/05/2011 09:49

Just as this thread illustrates, I have heard very different things from different friends - ranging from two week holidays away from a less than 12 month old to not being able to be parted for even one night without severe trauma. I suspect that most people are in between.

The other thing to be aware of is that the friend you're going with will be absolutely gutted if at the last minute you decide you can't go through with it because you will miss your baby too much. If you're really concerned, could you not go for four nights instead....somehow seems more manageable than a week? Then you get four nights off work with family when you come back.

CurrySpice · 12/05/2011 09:51

No brainer. Go. Have fun! :o

aldiwhore · 12/05/2011 09:54

You wouldn't see me for dust. Your child will be in great hands it seems and you may not get another opportunity for a long time.

Of course you feel a bit guilty, you're a mum!

Can you use tinternet when away? I'd be looking at sorting out some kind of skype set up so I could say hello to bubs every day... then you can relax.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 12/05/2011 10:02

Your DH is fine with it, you have childcare sorted out..........Go!!!

Turkey is fantastic and in September the weather will be gorgeous. Think how chilled and relaxed you will be when you come home.

Guilt....part of the job, I used to feel guilty for going to work.

Go and have a fab time!!

ratspeaker · 12/05/2011 10:02

Do you trust your DH to look after your child
Do you trust your mum to look after your child
Are they happy to look after him
If so GO

You'll probably miss the wee one terribly but there's mobile phones to keep in touch

IMissSleep · 12/05/2011 10:07

Go and have fun!

I'd love a week to myself :) had the odd night! Have a great time, I am massively jealous!

Swipe left for the next trending thread