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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go on holiday without 10mo DS?

53 replies

bettydraperswardrobeelf · 12/05/2011 09:16

I have been offered the chance to go away with my best friend for a week to Turkey in September. The accommodation is free as the apartment belongs to another friend so will just be paying for flights and spending money. My PFB DS will be 10 months when I plan to go. DH is fine with it and is encouraging me to go, my Mum is going to help out with the childcare and work have given me the time off. The next step is to book the flights. However, I am starting to have a massive crisis of conscience. the idea of a week lying by a pool reading a book with no demands from anyone seems like absolute bliss but I am really worried about leaving DS for that long. I haven't been away from him for more than a night yet, but will be going back to work full time in July so will be a bit more used to it by Sepetember. Am going to miss him like crazy and have started wondering if my plans make me a really bad mother. Basically I want to know if you were offered this opportuinity would you take it or would you be a good Mum and stay at home and care for your child? I feel bad for even wanting to go!

OP posts:
muminthecity · 12/05/2011 10:07

It is a personal choice and only you know how you will feel. Personally, I would definitely go. I go away for either a long weekend or a full week every year without DD and I love it. DD looks forward to it as she gets spoiled rotten by her Nana and Grandad while I'm away.

izzybiz · 12/05/2011 10:08

I've been away without my Dc lots of times. I feel sick the first night then relax, I phone home everyday to speak to them/say goodnight.
I then come home relaxed and happy. YANBU for wanting to go and YANBU if you do go!
I would say go, enjoy it, if you find it that hard then you don't have to do it again.

superv1xen · 12/05/2011 10:12

OP YANBU!

you will not be a "bad mother" or even "not a good mother" if you go so get that thought out of your head immediately!! it will do you good and you will have a great time.

i have 2 dc aged 2 and 5 and went to sicily for a week with dh without them last autumn, and next week i am going to Los Angeles, again, without them. and i can't bloody wait! we have also been away on several long weekends ie spa breaks etc while they have been with gps. yeah i will and do miss them but at the same time i personally need a break from time to time, i know they will be looked after fine so i have no problem with it. some of my friends make snidey comments about how much we go away but i couldnt give a flying fuck, they are probably just jealous :)

go! and have a GREAT time x

LoveLeonardCohen · 12/05/2011 10:14

I wouldn't go, I haven't been away from either of mine for even a night. When I have holidays I want to enjoy with the whole family. I would miss them too much. You asked what we would do.

But it depends on how you feel about it.

CocktailQueen · 12/05/2011 10:17

I couldn't have done. No way. Not at that age. Still couldn't go away for that length of time now and they're 7 and 4. But each to their own. Am sure it will be fine if you trust dh adn your mum to look after your dc but I would have worried too much and missed them too much.

fotheringhay · 12/05/2011 10:31

I think I'd miss him too much to enjoy it. But maybe when it happened I wouldn't.

Almost impossible to tell! Hope you're able to decide soon, then can look forward to it/stop having to think about it.

razzlebathbone · 12/05/2011 10:34

Up to you but I couldn't do it.

AppleyEverAfter · 12/05/2011 10:38

OP YANBU but I think the fact that you even posted this thread means you have doubts and would probably miss him so much you'd hate the hol. Is there any way you can get a flight back alone after, say, three nights? Or would that mean leaving your friend out there alone? Would she consider cutting the hol short?

DiscoDaisy · 12/05/2011 10:40

My OH go away every year for up to 10 days at a time without our DC.
Best thing we have ever done but that is us. Everybody feels different.
The way I see it there are 52 weeks in a year so what difference does 1 make?
Love being with my kids but love having time away as well.

steben · 12/05/2011 10:41

Do it - the older they get I think the harder it is and if you have two well it becomes near enough impossible. Take this time when you can - I left DD at 9 months for 5 days for a holiday with a friend and exp all the same guilt but it was great and she was completely fine with her Dad and grandma. I am the worst person to say this but seriously do not worry what other people will think - I think going away sometimes helps you realise how much you love your family (not that we need reminding) and instead of not wanting to come back from the sun you will be sprinting home to get back to them!

nenevomito · 12/05/2011 10:42
Envy

That is all.

Have a great time!

Original poster
bettydraperswardrobeelf · 12/05/2011 16:54

Wow! Thanks so much for all the responses! I've read through them all and they have helped me feel a tiny bit less guilty about it all. I absolutely trust my mum and DH - Mum will be looking after DS two days a week when I go back to work and he already loves her to bits and the feeling is more than mutual. I think I'll probably talk to my friend and say I'm just going to go for 4 nights instead. He said he was going to go by himself even if I didn't go at all so I'm sure he'll be fine about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
bettydraperswardrobeelf · 12/05/2011 16:55

Oh yeah and thanks for making me feel like less of a shit mum!

OP posts:
wolfhound · 13/05/2011 10:34

Have a lovely holiday bdwe :)

Mumwithadragontattoo · 13/05/2011 11:10

YANBU but I don't think I could do it as I would miss the children too much.

Having said that my DH often has to away for his work usually for a week at a time. At 11 months my DD didn't really seem to notice he'd gone but would always be happy when he cam home. DD is now 3 and she is a bit sad when DH goes and does miss him but is perfectly OK with just me.

fluffygal · 13/05/2011 11:19

If you think you wouldn't miss him to much, go for it! He will be with his Daddy, he'll be fine.

OH and I go away for a week every year for the past 2 years without kids (5,4,4,3). This year we will be taking the baby with us, she'll be 10 months and I personally couldn't leave her- I am BFing though.

Stangirl · 13/05/2011 13:25

I am soooo jealous. I would have gone on holiday like a shot when DD was 10months - and would do so now if I had anyone to do the childcare. I'd probably spend the first 24hours looking at photos of DD on phone but then just relaxing and having fun.

vajazzhands · 13/05/2011 13:30

I know the rule is on AIBU for this question to say oh no of course yanbu

But tbh I think you are. I think'll you will hate it as well.. also 10 month olds are quite clingy too and he probably will miss you

Psammead · 13/05/2011 13:36

I wouldn't have done it. I would go away overnight now (DD 16months) but not longer, not for a few years.

I don't think it has anything to do with being a good or bad mother, though. It's just a personal thing.

Pinkjenny · 13/05/2011 13:38

I wouldn't do it, but that isn't something I'm terribly proud of, so if you feel OK with it, then go for it and enjoy!

WidowWadman · 13/05/2011 13:41

CMOTDibbler - as a full time working mother I feel it's completely ok to spend a week of holiday away from the family. Work doesn't make you any less human.

sofaqueenie · 13/05/2011 13:43

Like others have said, it's down to personal choice. I wouldn't, but that's me. IMO I think that 10 months old is a little young for a mother to be spending a week away from baby.

If you're already having an attack of gulit, what on earth would you be like when you get there!

maighdlin · 13/05/2011 13:50

i went away for 10 days when DD was 10mo. DH took the time off work and we all had a brilliant time. I felt trapped in my PND consumed life and it was great to get away from it all. I felt that DD was too young to really notice i wasn't there. I missed her like mad at times but was still able to enjoy myself. DH loved having the chance to have her for himself for a while, he hates having to go to work.

It was such a success I'm going away again with my sister in august.

MaryThornbar · 13/05/2011 13:57

Personally I wouldn't want to use up one week of precious annual leave to go on holiday on my own, as it would only leave 3 weeks to take with my DS & DH the rest of the year. If working full time, I would want to spend every day I could with my DS. I don't think YABU for wanting a break or for leaving DS, but YABU for wanting to use up a whole week's annual leave for yourself.

onelittleclara · 13/05/2011 14:13

I struggled with the same dilemma with Ds2, but went on a girls holiday for three nights when he was 8 months old, while my Dh stayed at home. I skyped everyday which helped, although I think having at least one of his parents at home helped. I give my life to my children and I think a short break does the world of good for both you and your child. I am due to gave dc3 anytime now and although i will be bfing, plan to go away for a long weekend when dc3 will be 5 months. Its not selfish or cruel, just ensuring that your child's main carer is well cared for too!

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