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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave houseguests home alone whilst we go to a New Year's Eve party?

54 replies

tooposhtopost · 31/12/2010 17:21

My BIL and family are staying for a few days. Before we had fixed the dates (they live in a different country) we had accepted an invitation to a local NYE party. BIL and family decided to come over New Year anyway as the timings worked all round (we had asked them for Christmas lunch but they were seeing other family and YES I would have stayed in for that Wink and even cooked it). They have small children btw and so would need a babysitter if they were to go out.

I am going to cook them supper and open a bottle of champagne before we go out (8.30pm) I have sudden guilt pangs .....AIBU to be deserting them? If they are lucky I will leave the heating on for them (joke).

OP posts:
LCRLCR · 31/12/2010 17:22

YANBU - I am doing the same!

nomoreheels · 31/12/2010 17:24

Since you told them about the party when fixing the dates then no, YANBU. It's nice you are making tea & cracking open some early bubbly. Happy new year!

Northernlebkuchen · 31/12/2010 17:37

YABU - they've come over from another country and you can't be bothered to change your plans to keep them company? I'm sure they've said they don't mind - but I think you are being very inhospitable nevertheless. It's not just tonight either - you'll be tired/hungover tomorrow too.

FakePlasticTrees · 31/12/2010 17:40

I think that's a bit rude actually. Stay in with them. Invite others over if need be.

mumto2andnomore · 31/12/2010 17:41

Bit late to change your plans now but I wouldnt be very happy about this, surely you can see the friends at the party anytime ?

lal123 · 31/12/2010 17:42

YABU - sorry but I'd change my plans and stay with them. If you are going out I hope you leave an extra bottle of bubbly for them

BelligerentYhoULE · 31/12/2010 17:42

I think yabu, unless you plan to just pop to the party for an hour.

ChasingSquirrels · 31/12/2010 17:43

I don't think YABU, you had already made the plans and they knew about them before they arranged to come over.

Northernlebkuchen · 31/12/2010 17:45

'Come and stay but we're going out' - or don't come and stay at all - not much of a choice for poor bil et al was it?

AliBellandthe40jingles · 31/12/2010 17:46

YABU.

I know that my parents have in the past gone out and left my then very elderly grandparents in alone on NYE - on the basis that they would be going to bed at 10pm - but your situation is quite different I think.

If I was your BIL or SIL I would be a bit miffed I think. It isn't like you can see them all the time with them living so far away.

traceybath · 31/12/2010 17:48

Oh it is a bit rude I think.

beachholiday · 31/12/2010 17:48

It seems like bad form.

AllNightMilkBar · 31/12/2010 17:50

Can't they go to the party too?

taintedsnow · 31/12/2010 17:52

Yes, I'm afraid I think it's rather rude. If it's a local party, the people in attendance must be people you see (or can see) all the time, and your guests have come to visit you from abroad.

I don't think I could bring myself to leave them tbh.

mutznutz · 31/12/2010 17:53

Only you can answer your question OP. If your family are pefectly happy then you are not being unreasonable...if they're not, then yes you are Smile

charliesmommy · 31/12/2010 17:53

YABU, I am sure the hosts of the party would understand if you explained why you couldnt go.

threefeethighandrising · 31/12/2010 17:53

Can't you take them too?

clam · 31/12/2010 17:53

I don't think you're being unreasonable. They wanted to come and stay because, presumably, it suited them. You are providing a place to stay while they do their thing while in the UK.
You made it clear you had plans, and they presumably weighed that up and decided it was still worth their while to come. WHy should you forego your plans? They might be perfectly happy to stay in on their own with a bottle of bubbly. Not everyone wants to party.

cat64 · 31/12/2010 17:54

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undercovasanta · 31/12/2010 17:54

YABU - it seems a bit rude to me. Sorry.

twopeople · 31/12/2010 17:56

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twopeople · 31/12/2010 17:57

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FakePlasticTrees · 31/12/2010 18:01

oh and in your OP - you mention that they would need a babysitter to go out - did you offer to try and arrange one for them so they could go out if they wanted too? (what with them being from overseas and not really being in a position to do that themselves)

SantosLHalper · 31/12/2010 18:02

It seems rude to me. They have come to visit you, and you are going out. Can't you stay at home, and celebrate with your guests?

WhatsWrongWithYou · 31/12/2010 18:03

I think it's rude also. it's just not what you'd do in those circumstances. You obviously don't get to see these people much and they've made the effort to visit - and it's not okay to say, 'well, you can come but we're going out.'

Where's the welcome in that?

The family you hardly ever see should take precedence over the neighbours you probably see frequently anyway.

I'd think less of anyone who came to my party leaving their visiting family at home, tbh.

And I speak as someone whose mum is prone to this sort of thing. It doesn't feel nice.