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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

IL's staying for a week... Day one

79 replies

nowit · 23/12/2010 15:31

IL's arrived yesterday, DH picked them up as I was working from home. They arrived with two sacks of presents for each of our 3dc's (one sack is the height of a 3 yo). This pissed me off a little as we have brought them 10 presents each total. But i took a deep breath and thought of the children..
Today DD2 (2 next week) bit through her tongue, pretty horrible, but she is ok. DH and I took her to the doctors and IL's (very kindly) took DD1 (6) and DS (3) into town.

We got home with a unhappy little girl and as I was working from home, DH sat and comforted her and I got on with my work. IL's arrive back with DD1 (PFB more-so for them than for us) who was very pleased as she had a new coat . We got her a £60 coat 3 mths ago and MIL was pissed off as she always buys them a coat each for Christmas. AIBU to be really f'in pissed off as now her 'old' coat will not see the light of day? MIL also brought her an A4 pad that she put on her Christmas list and I know that Santa has got it for her.

DS got nothing :(

OP posts:
DorisIsAPinkDragon · 23/12/2010 15:36

Kepp off loading here.. can you ebay one of the coats?

And no T NBU, what's your dh's take on this? You'd need him onside to do something about this for the future... is it EVERY christmas or just occasional ones?

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 23/12/2010 15:37

Do they have a DD or is your dd1 their little princess (bleurgh)

Original poster
nowit · 23/12/2010 15:41

This is the first Christmas they have come to us. We normally have a nice Christmas at home and then make the two hour journey down to them on Christmas avo. I put my foot down this year and said I want the whole day in the house together, so they are here, my own stupid fault.
Also our way of 'doing' Christmas is very different. I like to give each child a pressie in turn, they open it and thank the person who gave it, then onto the next. IL's do the marks.. set.. GO! method.

DH is onside, but he is an 'anything for a quite life' type of bloke and won't rock the boat, he knows I am pissed off.

OP posts:
katiepotatie · 23/12/2010 15:42

My pil are the same with our dd, she gets completely spoilt and poor ds gets nothing! Last year dd got a scotter, ds got money in a card (he was only 8 months, but still!)

Luckily I only have to put up with them on Chistmas day and not a whole week.....I'd say take a deep breath and crack open the wine! Wink

Original poster
nowit · 23/12/2010 15:42

Our dd1 is their little princess and yes big bleurgh!

OP posts:
LadyLapsang · 23/12/2010 15:46

Just give the inappropriate / excess things to charity.

TrillianAstra · 23/12/2010 15:46

So what have they done wrong?

Bought more presents than you approve of?

Bought your DD a coat, when she already has a coat?

fairydusty · 23/12/2010 15:47

Aww sounds like my house - we told them we werent going over board this year with presents cause we dont have room and they have arrived with a car full of presents - they have lots more than we have for the kids and also my mum has only bought them two gifts and i know this will be frowned apon - my ils are hre till boxing day so i am just going to grin and bear it and have a massive party when they go lol.

As for the jackets i would probably say sorry she doesnt need the jacket (thank them ) and tell mil i would return it. But then me and my mil dont see eye to eye on lots of things and this would have been bought to annoy me. Good thread bet its full by the time they leave x

Original poster
nowit · 23/12/2010 15:49

Exactly Trillian DD1 is thrilled to bits with the coat(and the tags are off) so no return now.

OP posts:
muddleduck · 23/12/2010 15:50

What trills said.

Sounds like they just have to breathe to annoy you tbh.

muddleduck · 23/12/2010 15:50

And I know that feeling well :)

Original poster
nowit · 23/12/2010 15:51

Fairy my mum has made them each a teddy and drawn them a picture (not as rubbish as it sounds, she is an artist) but they have brought soooo much.

OP posts:
Original poster
nowit · 23/12/2010 15:52

Muddle tis true, my FIL has a fantastic habit of eating with his mouth open for all to enjoy... it-takes-every-ounce-of-patience-not-to-scream.

OP posts:
pommedeterre · 23/12/2010 15:53

Me too. Am already in all kind of knots internally and haven't slept for nights at the thought of spending Xmas Day with my ILs.
They will annoy me but they won't do anything awful it's just all straws breaking camel's back type stuff.
Just keep breathing.
I tend to run off to the bathroom, pretend scream and dream about taking up smoking again.

TrillianAstra · 23/12/2010 15:54

Is it so awful to have more than one coat?

Waste of money if she will outgrow them, but it's their money to waste. If the older coat now won't see the light of day, is it in good enough condition to ebay?

curlymama · 23/12/2010 15:56

I'd be annoyed that they took two children out and only bought for one, and obviously forgot completely about the one who is stuck at the doctors in pain. I think that is disgusting behaviour from GP's.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 23/12/2010 15:59

I disagree Trillian, I think that the MIl is performing her own little power play (most loved granny for little princess dd1)

She knew that dd1 had a new coat 3 months ago (and was miffed that she had not bought it), She bought a pad of A4 that dd1 has coming from santa (buying children presents this close to christmas is madness).

And to top it all she did not treat her GC equally nothing for ds or dd2 (who didn't even get to go on the outing with her gp's because of injury)

I'd be ranting too.

(As for the sacks of pressie I bet she's out done everyone else there as well!?!)

tooposhtopost · 23/12/2010 16:00

Your ILs love their grandchildren and bought them lots of presents. They took the 2 older ones out when you needed to take the little one to the hospital, and they bought your DD a new coat. Hmm it could be SOOOO much worse! I would count my blessings if I were you - you would dislike it much more if they didn't pay any attention to the children and demanded non stop hostess attention themselves whilst contributing nothing to childcare etc The precise balance must be hard to strike and it must be better that they err on the attentive/ generous side?

It would be very rude to say DD doesn't need the coat, and would upset both your child and your ILs so don't even contemplate that - presents are not often about "need" but about bringing pleasure to giver and recipient which this present has done. If both DD and your ILs are happy, why are you so upset? None of this will make your DC love you any the less, you know.

I can understand you being stressed though - 3 young children, a job and ILs staying, but perhaps give in and let them help you and spoil the DC for a bit.

Original poster
nowit · 23/12/2010 16:01

Yes we could ebay, you're right. It was more the principal of it. TBH they have been fab over the years, to the point where we had a year or so when they brought all of DD1 and DS's clothes whilst I finished my degree. But I now have a good job and they have just retired. We have very nicely said that they don't need to go mad any more and it would be nice if I could buy my own kids clothes, but they get soooo much from them there is no point. (aside from the 'future WAG' type t-shirts she buys DD1)

OP posts:
5GoldenFimbos · 23/12/2010 16:04

My parents are like this. Treat dd like royalty and spend ££££££££ on her and poor ds barely gets a look in. Dd got £50 in gift vouchers for her birthday whereas ds got £25. It's not the giving and yes they are grateful for what they get, but ds is beginning to notice the difference and it is not fair.

ragged · 23/12/2010 16:05

I quite enjoy a good annoying ILs thread, but I don't understand the problem here. They took the children out of your hair, they spent a lot of money on your child... I can't conceive of my ILs ever taking several of my small DC off my hands for a few hours.

Having 2 coats is great when one is muddy and needs to go in the wash and then takes 2 days to dry. Plus you have 2 DDs, so you know you'll get lots of wear out of them.

My mind boggles at the idea of spending 60 quid on a child's coat. though.

Does the DS himself mind that they didn't buy him something?

pommedeterre · 23/12/2010 16:06

How do you handle that 5GoldenFimbos? My ILs practised favouritism with their two sons so am already worried about that for when (fingers crossed) we have another one.

Original poster
nowit · 23/12/2010 16:06

DS is a sweet little man who doesn't really moan, but there will come a point. He just seems a little Confused but doesn't say owt.

OP posts:
ihearthuckabees · 23/12/2010 16:06

nowit - YANBU, your ILs sound controlling and passive aggressive (buying things behind your back, especially a few days before Christmas), but you're kind of stuck with the situation, so I would try to focus on the positives...

Having a spare coat isn't a bad thing, especially when the weather is crappy and things get wet and dirty. And the kids will enjoy having lots of presents.

I would get your DH to be 'in charge' on Christmas Day - get him to hand out the presents and not allow his parents to dive in too quickly, if he's able to. If not, it sounds like you're already doing a good job of grinning and bearing it.

And just think, the kids will probably, in years to come, treasure the paintings your mum has done while the toys etc from ILs will be long forgotten.

(I have done the same as you before, saying i wanted to have Christmas at home, but then having to suffer having lots of visitors. Don't understand why people can't just let each other have Christmas by themselves and meet up afterwards!)

miSaltireandwine · 23/12/2010 16:07

FIl and step MIL are a bit like this. DS1 has for the past 3 birthdays got £30. DS2 has got £10, and like someone else said, it's not about "getting" gifts, but when they are children it's very noticeable. More so when DS1 got £30, DH got £50, DS2 got £10. They notice and it can hurt them

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