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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do people NEVER say "Thank You"??

77 replies

IDismyname · 30/11/2010 08:46

Its's great to see people thanking others on the "Secret Santa" thread. I seem to have spent the last few weeks doing things with friends who have yet to even text to say Thanks.

I had 3 friends for lunch a few weeks ago - cooked them a nice lunch - not a word of thanks from any of them. No text. Nothing.

Spent 2 hours volunteering and running village shop. Nothing from the chap I was helping.

Drove a friend to Gloucester and back (2 hours each way) and no offer towards petrol, no offer of a coffee and no word of thanks either. She even sent me an email the following day about something else!

Had brother, wife and 3 kids overnight while bro and wife went to wedding, so I babysat till they came home. No thanks, no box of chocs. Nothing

Am I getting old and grumpy (methinks 44 a bit young for that...) or is there another reason?

Manners cost nothing (as I keep telling ds), and sending a text takes seconds.

What is up with everyone??!!

Rant over....

OP posts:
belgo · 30/11/2010 08:49

YANBU. What really annoys me is when I move the pushchair out of someone's way when the pavement is too narrow, and they walk past with no acknowledgement of me at all, as if I am invisible.

atswimtwolengths · 30/11/2010 08:50

Having just driven my (thankfully temporary) lodger to work (five miles out of my way) as I have done every day for the last four weeks and not having received one 'thank you' so far, I completely agree with you!

TrillianAdAstra · 30/11/2010 08:53

In my experience people often say thank you.

piscesmoon · 30/11/2010 09:01

I find that people often do say thank you.
I have been very cheered recently to find how helpful people have been. I have been taking my mother out in a wheelchair and someone has always come forward to help-and some of them don't look tha most likely.

thumbwitch · 30/11/2010 09:05

It is very annoying when people take you for granted - but lovely when they do say thank you. I always try to remember to say thank you, rarely forget and am mortified when I do forget (through mind on other things etc.)

Your examples sound very annoying though - and I wouldn't be so quick to help people who take you so much for granted.

FindingMyMojo · 30/11/2010 10:56

well you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends - I must say my friends always say thank you at the time & usually follow up with a text or call etc (some even send cards which I think is very nice but sometimes a little excessive). I do the same & DD is always saying thank you too.

atswim why do you do it? I must be grumpy old lady cause after the first few days I would have said something along the lines of "if you want this to continue I'm going to need to have some appreciation shown on a regular basis or you can sort yourself out - thanks Grin."

MrsSatsuma · 30/11/2010 11:00

YANBU. I'm a teacher and although there are a lot of kids who do have very nice manners, taking things for granted seems to be the norm. I can't wait to bring some well-mannered children into the world!! [gets down off high horse] :)

aDarkStarWithStrangeWays · 30/11/2010 11:04

As someone who always says thank you, I resent the title of this thread

Earthymama · 30/11/2010 11:07

This is one of my bugbears!
I really struggle as I feel I am the only adult in many children's lives who insists on 'Please' and 'Thank You'. I am a generation older than many of their parents but MY children have lovely manners, as do my grandchildren.

I always took flowers/chocs to my mum/MIL/friends when we went to visit or stay. It is a small gesture but so nice and gives a warm glow to giver and recipient.

Is this attitude part of the sense of entitlement and privilige that pervades society?

LaWeaselMys · 30/11/2010 11:09

I haven't noticed this at all. I get a lot of thank yous.

Original poster
IDismyname · 30/11/2010 11:54

The world seem to be divided into those who are thanked, and those who arn't!
It has never bothered me before, but as I said above, there has been a string of events where I've felt that a thank you would be nice, and none has been forthcoming.
Atswim - I think I'd have cracked by now and said something! What a nice lady you must be....

OP posts:
maktaitai · 30/11/2010 11:58

Now you need to develop a bit more passive-aggression. If they don't say thank you, get a bit more heavy on their ass with the 'Oh gosh I REALLY enjoy this drive, it's so beautiful, I'd love to do it more often but of course I'm SO BUSY'. Then when they hastily thank you, say 'Oh nooooo, I absolutely love it every SINGLE TIME WE HAVE DONE IT FOR THE LAST FIVE WEEKS'

No wonder I have no friends left.

asouthwoldmummy · 30/11/2010 12:01

Try visiting Southwold in the summer, hardly anyone says thank you here, they just look down their noses at you for being in their way. I have been known to stop in the middle of the path to force people to walk around me rather than move out of their way Grin

we locals have to amuse ourselves somehow.

GrimmaTheNome · 30/11/2010 12:07

Is it regional? I'm sure people say 'thank you' a lot up here in Lancashire. I know I do.

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 30/11/2010 12:10

I got a thank you at nursery when I picked DS3 up 1/2hr a go - from one of the other mum's that I don't even talk to.

On the way out of the nursery/school grounds this morning there was a car that was stuck on the drive going up the hill to the main road. There was already one person helping to push, and a bloke stepped into help, but I stepped in to help as well (the road was slippery and it was a big car).

I helped because I felt it was the right thing to do )but in my head was thinking "stupid women if you took note of the letters that encourage parents NOT to use the car park then you wouldn't have got stuck Blush)

Anyhow, this women accosted me at nursery and thanked me for helping get her car out this morning.

MrsSatsuma · 30/11/2010 12:13

Speaking of locals' amusement... when I lived in Stratford our amusement was to walk up and down in front of Shakespeare's birthplace to see how many photos we could get in.... (Might I add that I was a very bored student!) There also seems to be a trend in Oxford for tourists in very big organised groups to stand on the narrowest bit of pavement, completely oblivious to the fact that everybody else is having to dodge in front of buses to get round them. And this 30 yards away from a nice big pedestrianised area.

Sorry, tourist rant over... :)

Ormirian · 30/11/2010 12:14

Not experienced this at all.

chicaguapa · 30/11/2010 12:20

How topical! I have just had a big row with my dad as I didn't get anything for my Dbro for his 18th as he never thanks me for birthday and Christmas presents. He told me to get down of my moral high horse and I said I was surprised Dbro had even noticed as his head is so far stuck up his own arse! It has made for an interesting morning! Hmm

I make sure DC always say thank you, especially for presents.

I also say thank you in the car to the rude people I have let pass and don't bother to say it to me. This amuses DC that I'm thanking them!

bumperella · 30/11/2010 12:22

I cannot STAND it when people treat you as if you're invisible when you hold a door for them/ let them go in front of you, etc etc. I hate it more when people push past etc, but surely a smile of acknowledgement or even a "thanks" isn't asking too much????!
For bigger favours then I would make a point of making it clear expect the person to express some sort of gratitude: e.g. for a lift I would expect someone to say, and mean, "thank you, that's really good of you/helped me out/whatever". Otherwise I think I'd beat them to death. Well, maybe not literally, but it would really REALLY annoy me.

FindingMyMojo · 30/11/2010 12:36

chicaguapa I have a brother & sister that are quite a bit younger than me. they never said thanks for birthday & chistmas pressies either so when they hit aged 12 I stopped - now they get a card. Now they are 28 & 22 respectively I've never anything from either of them for birthday of Christmas from either of them. Though sister was online chatting the other say asking if I'd like an Oxfax yak for Christmas - I think she's all talk & this kind of gifting suits her to a T as she won't actually do it, just say she's done it.

They've never brought anything for DD either & she is 3. They both work! I think it's piss poor - as I said earlier you can't choose your family!

JamieLeeCurtis · 30/11/2010 12:37

In my experience people are mainly courteous. I try not to expend any emotional energy on the very small percentage who aren't. If someone doesn't thank me for holding a door, or stepping aside for them, or waiting, a give a cheery smile and a sarky "you're welcome".

I live in London

whiteliesaregoodlies · 30/11/2010 12:38

Oh yes bumperella, I always seem to be the one holding doors open etc. and then growling "don't mention it" under my breath as others sail through without a glance.

I feel sorry for my oldest boys sometimes (8 and 6), having brought them up to hold doors open and say please and thank you because it's the "right" thing to do, it can then be hard to see them puzzled when other people don't acknowledge it at all. Ds1 was a bit upset last year when I sent him to the cafe till to buy himself a biscuit and two people pushed in front of him while the lady serving blatantly ignored him until the others were served (I was watching from the table and could see that she could see him).

nancydrewrockinaroundxmastree · 30/11/2010 12:42

The people I know are very good at saying "thank you", although some wont follow up with a card/text e.g. they will come over have lunch say thank you when it is put in front of them, thank me again when they leave and then I wont hear anymore about it (and nor would I expect to).

I find strangers much more rude: those who will let doors slam in my face, or step in front of me in a queue etc seem to be everywhere.

JamieLeeCurtis · 30/11/2010 12:47

whitelies - I remember this happening to me all the time as a child (the 1970s). I'd go to the corner shop to buy my comic and someone would push in front or lean over the top of me. It upset me a lot. Tell your boys to speak up! (as I do mine)

asouthwoldmummy · 30/11/2010 12:50

The ones who don't hold doors open when you have a pushchair are the worst. I have literally had to quickly yank back the pushchair a few times to stop a door slamming against DS's legs.

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