Why do people NEVER say "Thank You"??

[IDismyname]

Its's great to see people thanking others on the "Secret Santa" thread. I seem to have spent the last few weeks doing things with friends who have yet to even text to say Thanks.

I had 3 friends for lunch a few weeks ago - cooked them a nice lunch - not a word of thanks from any of them. No text. Nothing.

Spent 2 hours volunteering and running village shop. Nothing from the chap I was helping.

Drove a friend to Gloucester and back (2 hours each way) and no offer towards petrol, no offer of a coffee and no word of thanks either. She even sent me an email the following day about something else!

Had brother, wife and 3 kids overnight while bro and wife went to wedding, so I babysat till they came home. No thanks, no box of chocs. Nothing

Am I getting old and grumpy (methinks 44 a bit young for that...) or is there another reason?

Manners cost nothing (as I keep telling ds), and sending a text takes seconds.

What is up with everyone??!!

Rant over....

OP-YA so, so, so, NBU!!

Quickly read thread so sorry, if i repeat anything, but my irritations include not receiving a thanks when you hold a door open for someone (usually an older person, who porbably writes to the paper about those outwith her generation having 'no manners') and also drivers who dont give you a wave when you let them out. think someone else (Hecate?) upthread also mentioned this, and i too have taken to exagerated thumbs ups. Though usually the other driver is just staring straight ahead, which just pisses me off even more

am away to go calm down now...

I always say in a loud, bright voice "don't mention it" as if they have thanked me when someone fails to acknowledge that I have held door open for them, let them past etc. Doubt they even register the sarcasm.

Tinuetclanger - I agree. I didn't even realise that you were supposed to ring and say thanks again for dinner the day after the dinner date! When someone rang to thank me the day after, again, I felt it was a bit ott. Then I felt bad for not doing it myself!
Sometimes I send a note of thanks but I have always felt it enough to say thank you at the time tbh!

I have also realised I am inconsistent with my expectations. I do expect a hand written note from school age children (but the THANKS part is the most important so if they ring or say it in person then that is almost as good).
I do find it a bit weird when adults send out thankyou notes for presents (I am referring to two recent 40th birthday pressies here), especially when it is a one oor two liner with no specific mention to the actual gift and you see them almost every day. They is no way I would let my 6 yr old send a note so brief and not mention the specific gift!

YANBU to hope for thanks, and of course it's rude not to thank. But YABU to expect it. Chocolates for a lift would be OTT. Perhaps your friends would happily reciprocate the favour?

YA definitely NBU. And while we're on the subject, does anyone else actually bother thanking bus drivers when they get off the bus? When I was little I was taught always to do this, whether on a school trip or out in town. Nowadays I never see anyone else saying it (sigh)

DS's primary school had a massive campaign about holding open the door for each other and thanking each other for doing so. One of the deputy heads thinks old fashioned manners are dying out. It made a big difference in the atmosphere of the school and when DS does it when we're out (at 4 years old) he gets a whole lotta love for it. Especially from older people.

I totally understand what you mean. Manners cost nothing, and it depresses me no end when I hold a door open for someone, or pick up a soft toy that their child has dropped out of them pram and get no word of thanks or even recognition that I'm standing right beside them. Having said that, I won't stop helping people- the one time I don't stop to help might be the one time a person wishes they had help getting their buggy onto the bus, or that they could really do with a seat on a busy train.

Friends are completely different though- I like helping people but I'm not a martyr. I'm not a taxi service, a PA or a Charity Shop for the exclusive use of my friends without thanks. Friendship goes both ways, and as much as a true friend will go out of their way to assist you, likewise any decent chum will say thanks.

I always say thankyou

and in my experience I have always been thanked

I try to always say thanks (wouldn't put it past me to have missed one or two buggy avoiders, but if anyone helps me lift the buggy on/off the bus I am effusive) and me and DCs always send thank you letters. In the past I would always have brought a gift when staying with someone too, but DP has drummed that out of me, it embarrasses him when I do it to his family... might insist again now, having read this thread.

I was shamed earlier this year though, when a neighbour offered us a slide for the garden literally days after someone had just given us one, I arranged for a friend to have the slide and the friend then gave me chocolates for the neighbour to say thanks. At which point I realised I'd just taken the slide (and lovely wendy house) from the other people - I'd said thanks, obviously, but I was mortified! Rushed out and bought them a card and chocolates - tried to blame baby brain...

I think the problem these days (old gimmer) is that everyone is rushing around, trying to fit so much into their lives ( and brains ) and there is just too much to remember.

The other point I'd make is that some people are difficult to say thank you to. I have a friend who openly winces at thanks and thinks the person doling it out is weird.

I know these are excuses, but not everyone's manners are dreadful and often there are other reasons. You sound like a brick, a great friend, and sadly great people like you are sometimes taken advantage of. Some people I like are wonderful company, great fun etc but real princesses when it comes to expectations of them. These people will never be close friends.

What really gets my goat is when you are driving and let someone in to the traffic - not a wave or smile, most completely ignore you! As for manners in shops - don't get me started! Manners cost nowt!

yanbu, my parents and family all taught me the importance of good manners and being considerate to others . we send thank you texts after having a nice day with someone ,cards and flowers depending on occasion , always give up our seats on the bus , they always said good manners cost nothing and get you a lot further in the world than being rude. i do enjoy giving an extra loud extra smiley your welcome if i hold the door open for someone and they say nothing.

nbu!

I am with sazzerbear!

Most times I do get thank-you. My pet peeve is people saying "No Problem" instead of "You're welcome". Like a csshier at a grocery store. It is their job to do it, so saying no problem seems to say they are doing me a favour. No, they are being paid, and should say "You're welcome".

Usually I ignore small things, but for some reason, oooh, it bugs me!

Oh my goodness blu2 it sounds like your family and friends have no manners at all! I always phone to thank after meals or buy a present when someone has helped me out. How could people think this is ok to take with no word of thanks. Just common decency. I would stop your offers of help and let them get on with it themselves!

Zone2mum - I say that - quickly followed by a chirpy - 'Oh - you didnt !'

Not a manners post as such,but I just wanted to post about some lovely teenagers who live opposite us.DD1 who is 7 was playing in the snow on her own in our front garden yesterday afternoon,as dd2 wanted to stay indoors.I got a knock on the door and it was the 19 year neighbour,his 17 year old brother and their 15 year old cousin.They were going sledging in the field behind our house and asked if dd1 would like to go with them.Bless them,dd1 was overjoyed at playing with big boys and girls and I watched them from the upstairs window having a great time.They brought her back before it got dark,and waited to make sure I answered the door and she got in alright.They are lovely kids and I know their parents well,so shall be popping around to compliment them on their well brought up offspring.

I have found quite a lot of adults (particularly friends and family) DO say thank you - though not all of them all the time, but most teenagers / kids / youngish people don't.

I am quite horrified by how rude my teenage children's friends are, and nag mine to say thank you as I would hate anyone to think the same of them. When we have had teenagers for a meal, or to stay, even away for a weekend I can't believe they don't say thank you!

I am trying my best with the 3 and 1 year olds - I would hate them to grow up not saying thank you.

Sometimes when I am particularly irritable I will prompt the visitor, by going to collect their plate, giving them a hard stare and saying rather obviously, "Everything ok for you? You like lasagne (or whatever) don't you?" I usually get a strange look or a grunt, so it doesn't do any good!

Just the way people are, I suppose. I always like to say "That's ok, not a problem" or "You're welcome" to people who HAVEN'T thanked me - only once have I had someone say "pardon?" - I repeated what I had said, and explained I was just replying to them thanking me. I was very pleased with their slight look of embarrassment. You might like to try it - it's quite good fun!

We moved to Ireland this year and I was astonished at how much politer the rural Irish children are than children in the UK.(Not sure if the Irish City kids are as polite as the rural ones TBH)

They all make a point of saying please/thank you/you're welcome and DS1 friends (aged 9/10/11) always insist on carrying shopping for me/helping clear the table etc when they are over

They're still normal cheeky mischevious kids, but their manners are delightful :)

Yes it is easy to generalise about young people. I remember once making a foolhardy decision in hindsight to cut through with my dog across a large field adjoined to a park near us - in the dark. Dog is a proper scoobie btw so does not have any protective traits only self preservation ones !

Next thing I am more or less in the middle when I hear two very noisy youths approaching - carrying cans - kicking a ball - chewing gum - the lot.

I thought here we go I'll be on Crimewatch this week with DH making a heartfelt appeal for witnesses !!

With that one of them clocked me and shouts to his mate 'over here' and they start running at me.

I absolutely froze with terror.

Then one of them flicks the ball to my dogs feet and they both start laughing their heads off (my dog loves football) as my dog starts dribbling it round and jumping up to head it etc etc - as he always does.

They carried on playing footie with him for about five minutes before walking off - giving him a friendly pat on the head and telling me they thought he was ace and finally a friendly - 'See ya' from both of them.

Mental note - mustnt generalise !

Sazzerbear - just wanted to add that the drivers are a lot nore polite here as well, they wouldn't dream of not thanking you for giving way to them :)

People mostly sya thankyou to me. I don't expect cards and texts, or letters, but people usually do acknowledge.

Oh man, the world is a sad place when people do things for others just to have something done for them in return. Seriously, I may hold a door open for someone with a smile but I don't make a habit of waiting there long enough for them to thank me. I also don't expect thank you notes or phone calls after giving presents - I give presents because I want to, and being thanked verbally when handing them over is enough for me.

And the whole "parents not getting their kids to acknowledge adults", I can see why that happens. Whereas before, you would acknowledge adults as Mrs X or Aunty X, nowadays, people seem to find that either too formal (because a lot of people are on a first name basis only) or weird (i.e. "Why would they call me Aunty X when I'm not their [biological] aunt?" Where I'm from, kids always refer to adults as Aunty/Uncle/Sir/Ma. My son even calls a friend of mine who is old enough to be my mother Grandma Ruby, despite us not being related in any shape or form.

At the end of the day, not being thanked is hardly going to kill you. Just be glad/happy in the knowledge that you have managed to make someone's day a little bit easier - that should be thanks in itself!

Hmmm, just realised how sickly sweet all that makes me sound

I say thank you generally but once I was pushing DD round the streets here in her pram tryin to get her to sleep, v tired myself, in a world of my own. A young woman waited on the pavement where it was narrow as I went by and I gave her a little smile (not talking as baby on verge of sleep). She said "Rude bitch, you could say thank you". Felt awful! But equally, was thinking how ironic as I think it is somewhat ruder to call a stranger in the street a bitch than not to say thank you.

The same week I was cold called by a company not for the first time, I said you've called me twice already, please don't call again (friendly voice), woman on phone said "how rude" and hung up.

These both made me feel rubbish and cross and confused as I am generally polite I think. People can be most odd.