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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish I could be a bit more self obsessed like some other Mums?

61 replies

ForMashGetSmash · 15/10/2010 19:09

Since I had the DC's (6 and 2) I seem unable to take as much pleasure in myself as I used to. Yet I have friends with DC's who are always uploading new pics of themselves on Facebook and doing things such as going away for a weekend without the kids...and buying loads of clothes...new and different hairstyles.

They're the same people as they were before DC's...they must have a bloody huge interest in themselves judging by the amount of pics they put up...always single portraits of them posing before they go out for the night...or them and their mates all done up...these are grown women of 35 plus.

I don't have the space in my head for that much interest in my looks or my own pleasure...how come they do? I have work and mates who I meet for the odd coffee/playdate or rare meal or drink out....but nothing approaching the mad nights these other mates have...so AIBU to be a bit confused and jealous?

OP posts:
CristinaTheAstonishing · 15/10/2010 19:11

Well, as long as you realise the problem is with you and not them then of course you're not BU to feel however you feel :)

bubbleOseven · 15/10/2010 19:12

why don't you join them?

Lulumaam · 15/10/2010 19:13

no-ones going to upload a pic of themselves looking like ten kinds of crap after a sleepless night, in an old nightie, tea spilt down your front? or about how they hate their life and it's aawful.. people post the nice stuff, pics that make them look great

i don't think being a martyr to having children is good thoguh, nothing wrong with getting glammed up to go out - i am a grown woman of 35, two children, out tonight with my friends, wearing a dress, heels, make up , the works

it's not a mad night out, but a chance to be with my friends, and not just be someones mum

not having head space for your own pleasure is not a good place to be .

TrillianSlasher · 15/10/2010 19:14

Self obsessed?

I think you're trying to say you want to take more time for yourself, but it sounds rather as if you are bitching about how they choose to live their lives, and saying that they take too much time for themselves.

MarshaBrady · 15/10/2010 19:15

The problem is Facebook. It isn't giving you an accurate reflection of their lives. Talk to them, go out with them. They are probably not do self-obsessed as you think.

Original poster
ForMashGetSmash · 15/10/2010 19:16

Bubble...because they get so pissed! They go out an drink like fish...they're my age....nd I don't think I could manage to last an hour with them...I have had the odd "quiet girly night in" with them and their idea of quiet is getting smashed and dressing up in weird get-ups....plying dares and doing funny dances...I'm not like that somehw anymore...

OP posts:
FreudianSlippery · 15/10/2010 19:17

YANBU, you should be able to take time for yourself. I personally don't fancy all that going out stuff, that's never been me, but everybody needs to feel human!

I don't think going out is self obsession, unless it's done loads.

rubyslippers · 15/10/2010 19:17

From your second post it sounds like you have drifted apart

Nothing wrong with that - it can happen

Original poster
ForMashGetSmash · 15/10/2010 19:18

Trilliant I just don't know how OTHER women might take time out...the ones who aren't out and drunk as skunks....I mean staggering and talking crap. at Nothing wrong with a drink but these girls get embarrasing.

OP posts:
Original poster
ForMashGetSmash · 15/10/2010 19:19

So what do other women DO? If they are not all out on the town...how do they be themselves?

OP posts:
BooBooImpaledOnBrokenGlass · 15/10/2010 19:22

I hate when people respond with this usually, but what the hey. You sound jealous and a bit of a martyr to be honest. Why the hell does it bother you so much that they can let their hair down and have fun? That part of your personality needn't be left in the delivery room you know.

Original poster
ForMashGetSmash · 15/10/2010 19:25

Well booboo you are basically REITERATING what I asked in the first place but worded differently....that's what I said! I feel jealous!

OP posts:
Mingg · 15/10/2010 19:26

Agree BooBoo

HeadlessPrinceBilly · 15/10/2010 19:27

It sounds like you hate them all though. Its not self-obsessed to do things for yourself, and IMO thats a really nasty thing to say about others.

Perhaps you should spend some time thinking about what you want and how to improve your life instead of looking at others and judging them.

I am doing a degree for myself, does that make me self-obsessed. I also like to go out when I get the chance, and I like a drink and I don't think that makes me self-obsessed either.

Seriously, its not about other people, its about you.

Original poster
ForMashGetSmash · 15/10/2010 19:31

Oh god people on here are sooooo worthy at times! Really headless....it's not that serious...that you need to start calling me nasty.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 15/10/2010 19:32

Sounds more to me like you've outgrown your friends and need some new ones.

I do lots for myself, when I can. I go out for coffee or lunch with a friend. I actually just had a weekend away by myself, nothing but a glass or two of wine.

Do what you want to do to have time to yourself and don't worry so much about what others are doing to have to for themselves.

MrsLucasNorth · 15/10/2010 19:34

What do they do? Cinema, pizza, quiz nights at a decent pub, shopping trips, museums/exhibitions, theatre. Even if you go out to bars you don't need to get rat-arsed! Perhaps you need to widen your social circle to include some people you have more in common with.

poshsinglemum · 15/10/2010 19:55

YABU. Just because they are mums and possibly wives dosn't mean they aren't allowed to put themselves first once in a while.

Sorry- you sound like a martyr.

ramyr · 15/10/2010 19:56

Agree with those who say maybe you have grown apart form your friends if they are into going out and getting smashed.

However looking after your needs/having me time does not necessarily need to involve friends

I sometimes have a day out on my own, get a magazine for the train, go for coffee, bit of shopping, even cinema maybe - as someone said it allows me not to be someone's mum for a bit! Oh and update my facebook status while I'm at it Wink

Worth a try?

poshsinglemum · 15/10/2010 19:57

What's wrong with getting rat arsed anyway? As long as you aren't looking after kids when you are doing it. Ok it's not your thing but never mind.

poshsinglemum · 15/10/2010 19:58

I think that you do need to think of yourself sometimes in order to be a better mum or else you will feel resentful.

Caz10 · 15/10/2010 20:00

I posted something similar altho along different lines a few months ago.

I think it is really hard when DCs are little and especially if you work - I work 4 days and can't currently bring myself to use any of my 3 days off to have "me time" like that - often there is no opportunity because dh works awkard shifts, but even when he is off I don't enjoy any time away because I feel guilty.

OP do you have the opportunity to do things on your own?

owlicecream · 15/10/2010 20:01

Sounds too like you have grown apart from them - haven't you formed any new groups through school or nursery who have similar interests to you, quiet nights, meals, book clubs etc?

Don't blame your old mates for still going out and having a good time but YANBU for finding them odd posting posed photos before they go out - I thought only teenagers did that. Remember many people just use Facebook as a means of showing off, their real life is probably just as down to earth as yours.

theywillgrowup · 15/10/2010 20:15

i cant decide if your being unreasonable as i see both sides

part of me thinks society in general has made us selfish with wanting things/time for ourselfs and sometimes i look at other (yes im judging)and think they are selfish in their lifes with DC's.im not saying be a martyr but i do think some people can be incredibly me me me

BUT

i also think that part of my thinking is because im envious,i have 3 boys no father about,blah blah blah and yes dont hardly get a "break"but as somebody said it gets easier as they get older

SO

try to do something for yourself,if you dont like partying then fine,it dosent matter as long as you enjoy it

AND

facebook is full of bragging and isnt my life great,take with a pinch of salt,its really not all true

Anyway will watch this with intrest

theywillgrowup · 15/10/2010 20:17

oh forgot to say i dont think theres anything wrong with having a little life of your own

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