to be bored with myself and to want to become a Jilly Cooper character for the winter?

[BalloonSlayer]

I want to sit in front of a fire of apple logs, wearing only a Dark Blue towel.

I want a rosy-cheeked face which I have to tone down with green foundation, instead of looking like a corpse unless I put on loads of blusher.

I want to drink three quarters of a bottle of Moet before doing ANYTHING. (Including: getting up in the morning or taking an important exam.)

I want an Absolutely Filthy Mini instead of a people carrier.

I want DH to do thumb exercises so that the ball of his thumb becomes pudgy because apparently that's sexy or something .

I want to lose loads and loads of weight every time I am a bit sad about something, so that everyone who thought I was a minger before is suddenly struck by my beauty, instead of eating cakes to cheer myself up and getting fatter.

AIBU?

Yes, you are being completely unreasonable, opening poster, as Jilly Cooper characters are totally two-dimensional and dull as ditch water!

I want to go to Rannaldinis party where there is a condom and an ecstasy tablet in my napkin, and everyone elses. Then when I am off my pear drop shaped tits I will dance naked in the garden in the rain.

I am obviously whippet thin

I long to be Caitlin O'Hara and have 'beady' eyes - always made me think of pigeons. But she has such tremendous fun eating all Taggie's food and shagging Archie Baddingham and making everyone scream with laughter.

Sometimes when I'm in a really bad mood I horrify myself by realising I would be one of the horrific fun-killing council employees in JC, and it does force me to lighten up

That's a good point bigkids. I'd be a "ghastly" jumped up trollop from essex.

I also wouldn't be whippet thin, nearer the truth would be Torys 11 stone bulk :(

I always wondered about Sophy's 'splendid' bulk. How is she different to Fat Tory? Is it a matter of boob?

I've forgotten who Sophy is, can you remind me?

She's Emerald's sister

Marries Alazarin, and helps Janna out in the school

I have decided that I would like to be Mary Wesley's Calypso, as she always seemed to have so much fun!

DP is one of those people who loses weight when stressed by forgetting to eat.

I am not.

Alouiseg you have just made me howl with laughter, thank you!

I do like Prudence Cartwright in Pandora, especially where she heaves all over the flower bed after Jonathan's lethal green cocktail.

Worryingly though, isn't Tory described as being the size of an elephant when she's tall and less than eleven stone? I always though describing that as her heaving her massive bulk around was a bit off

I hated Jenna. What I hate most of all in JC though is the singing. Think of Jenna's song about "rising, rising" or the wrong lyrics of the "join me dancing naked in the rain". It's just crap really and kind of embarrassing to read - like your mum singing too loudly at the school carol concert or people at church trying to rap. Cringey.

janna.

Are the poncey-girls-name books as good as the others?

Haven't read any of them tbh, may have to have a look.

The girls' name books are BRILLIANT. Distilled versions of the finest bits of the others, and still v readable despite being over 40 years old. Best ones IMO are Bella and Harriet.

I think Tory's 'bulk' was actually 10 stone at one point, or was that when she'd pined away.

If we're being Jilly Cooper characters, will we get to spread Oxford Marmalade thickly on fried bread for breakfast?

I always reckoned Flora was basically Caitlin's character reincarnated for some reason as Caitlin just disappeared after Rivals I think.

Agree absolutely that Jump! needed some serious editing. There were also way too many characters even for a JC novel.

No, no, no, Octavia is by far the best (though I love them all to be honest) - I love her candy-striped pink blazer, walk across Putney Heath in her negligee, entrance at the vicar's party in her chain-mail dress and gradual, painful realisation that a working life is completely incompatible with having IT-girl shiny locks

Later JCs are far too long

Okaaay, will accept that Octavia was also excellent (and has been adapted for either big or small screen recently, which fills me with dread given what they did to Riders and The Man Who) Octavia one of JC's rare feisty heroines. One of those women (like Perdita) you'd loathe if you knew her in real life, but when seen through JC's lens is bizarrely likeable.

Ohh I must go and get a copy. Havent had a good Jilly in ages! We live out in the countryside in rural Derbyshire,but I think I am in a parallel universe to Jilly. Not many Campbell blacks out here. More grumpy gamekeepers, miserable farmers and lots of mud

In my alternate fantasy life, I am Octavia, despite the fact she is unhappy, frigid, bored and ends up with a border-line abusive Neanderthal who wants to keep her in her pinny (and nothing else) cooking his eggs.

Am also glad that I wasn't the only one who counted on their fingers about Rupert's age reading Jump! I figured Perdita must be pushing 40 by now which made Rupert a lot closer to 60 than 55...

Over 40 years old? Bloody hell!

You lot counting on your fingers, are you certain Jump is set in the present day and not set in 2000 or something?

Maybe Rupert is James Bond or something.

I read Riders the other day and am now reading TWMHJ because I have a very incomplete collection. Waiting to borrow Jump - not willing to fork over teh dosh after the bad reviews.

fork over?
fork out or hand over I think you'll find, you sily woman

oooh one of the Pandora girls for me. Can't remember if it's Sienna or Emerald though... the one that ends up shagging someone at the fireworks party.

But have to say 'Riders' 'Rivals' and 'Polo' are still the classics.

God I fancied Jake