My three year old has started being foul to older sibling

[struggling2307]

And I’m really struggling with how to deal with it without it unfairly impacting on said sibling. Examples from today include shoving from a height at a play area and leaping on his back - we left but DS in tears because he didn’t want to go. Kicking ds while watching tv - the TV goes off but ds then doesn’t get to watch it either.

I don’t know if we’re in the midst of yet another stage but it’s horrible and I hate it.

You are punishing the wrong child. Use natural consequences much more

In the first instance the three year old is strapped into the buggy as ‘you can’t play nicely or safely’ . Ignore the tantrum

in the second the three year old is removed from the TV room and has to help to do a chore like folding clothes or putting things away.

She’s three - not sounding like an arse here but the buggy is quite literally collecting dust in the shed. Strapping a nearly school age child into a buggy?

I can’t exactly force her away from the TV without physically manhandling her and forcing her to do chores. She just wouldn’t. I’d have to drag her away and force the door shut.

Pick her up and move her! It’s not manhandling and it won’t hurt her. She’s walking all over you because you’re letting her. It’s really bad for her as well as miserable for her brother. And yes, I would get the buggy out of the shed if you can’t manage her behaviour any other way. Your son shouldn’t have to leave the playground because his mum can’t discipline his sister.

Playground: She has to sit next to you whilst sibling plays.
Home: Pick her up and move rooms.

Yes, you need to remove her.
Your DS is suffering the consequences instead of your DD.

If she can’t behave then she will have to go in the buggy, be given time out away from tv. You are making it sound like she doesn’t really face any consequences for bad behaviour.

Stop being wet OP. At the park you needed to give her a time out whilst her brother got to carry on playing. And at home again time out in another room whilst he gets to watch TV in peace, yes you can move her she’s 3 and you’re the adult! Stop it with the collective punishments it’s not fair on ds.

She does but going in a non existent buggy isn’t going to be one of them - sorry. I explained the consequences in my OP.

@tomorrowfollowstoday and @sprigatito if I pick her up and move her she just runs back.

I’d have to physically hold her down to give her a time out and really fight her which may not go down well (it would effectively be physical abuse tbh, even though it would be her causing it in a way.)

Why on earth would you switch the tv off for the other child! What is that teaching them?

How on earth do you keep a 3 year old sitting next to you or in a buggy? Asking for a friend whose child has been able to get out the buggy since before their second birthday and who can’t imagine that prolonged holding and physically restraining a screaming, crying, fighting 3 year old on a bench at the park wouldn’t cause a SS referral at the very least.

You're making excuses.

Take her into a different room, sit on the floor in front of the door.

You shouldn't physically restrain, that's not a good approach.

Your youngest is in charge of your house!

You just keep lifting her back to where she needs to be for her time out. It may take a while but she'll just get on with it once she knows you mean business.

The normal thing to do is take them to a separate space or pick them up.

Time to whip that buggy out of the shed and use it for time out.

A child I know, at age 3, would be strapped into the buggy for 3 minutes of time out; whether at home, outdoors, or indoors. As much for her safety as well as the safety of those around her. This is a child who would not willingly stay in a naughty corner or naughty step. Nanny would give her two warnings, after the 3rd disregarded warning, straight into the buggy while the nanny carried on calmly. Fiery 3 year old eventually got the message and learned about consequences. I dare say yours will too.

Probably that his mother is fucking useless I suppose that’s true anyway. Thanks everyone. I’ll leave it there.

could that be the problem - she sounds like she’s ruling you as well

i think she can have consequences

She runs back because she knows you don’t mean it. You will have to have a few epic encounters where you keep moving her until you win the battle of wills. You don’t have to get rough or even show anger, you just have to be persistent. It won’t get easier if you keep letting her dominate you.

What?

Children’s Services are not interested in parents who restrain very small children during tantrums or in order to stop them hurting siblings.

Stop being such a drip OP. Use your voice. Get annoyed. Make sure you sound annoyed. Remove child from situation, tell it off.

JFC no wonder the Reception teachers can’t cope with 30 of these poorly-brought up children in the class.

That’s sad. Maybe she’s picked up on your feelings towards her and is attention seeking?

So holding a flailing screaming child at the park for a long period of time. Quite tiring. Difficult for op to leave to another space when she needs to keep an eye on her other child?

im not trying to be difficult, just thought op was getting a hard time and I can’t imagine how the advice given works in practice with a child that doesn’t just comply.

Time outs in buggy’s surely aren’t working for 3 year olds? Don’t they know how to just get out?

There’s a way to keep them in the buggy so that they can’t unstrap themselves. Can’t for the life of me remember how (I’ve never had to learn it myself) but I’m sure it’s easily searchable.

It isn’t that it’s tiring, it’s impossible without doing some damage to both of us.

Sorry for earlier post, I’m having a very very bad day. I didn’t mean it really but people making out it’s a really simple situation and wouldn’t involve wrestling and grabbing and general manhandling have really made me feel a bit shit. I am finding her very hard at the moment and I’m losing my temper which also makes me feel shit.

I get you’re trying to help but she doesn’t even have a buggy. And if she did I wouldn’t get her in it without a fight and she could absolutely get herself out of it. She’s not a one year old, she’s starts school next year.