Am I being petty husband wouldn’t help with dinner over a video game ?

[Catty21]

Long story short, I’m under investigation for unexplained worsening back pain that’s causing me pain daily. We have a Ninja double air fryer that’s quite heavy and is kept in cupboard due to no counter space. It hurts my back every time I get out so asked husband if we can buy a smaller one that can be kept out. He said just ask me to get it out from now on.

Had to use it last night so went to ask him to get it out. He refused as he was in the middle of a computer game and he said I should have given him more notice .

Im livid. if it was his mum who was cooking him dinner he would have done it straight away. I’ve never had a problem with him being a gamer, but it seems nowdays his gaming comes before everything else.

Am I being petty over last night? He’s knows I’m not happy so I’m waiting for the “ you’re being horrible /aggressive to me “ and I’ll have to apologise for “my behaviour”later probably.

Get a smaller fryer. Stop cooking for him.

Did he refuse to get it out at all or did he want you to wait until that game had finished?

He refused. Waiting would have ment hanging on 20 or so minutes so son would have eaten dinner late other wise

Buy the one you want, first of all.

Secondly - is he otherwise a loving, caring partner and this is a one-off?

Suspecting not.

How often do you have to apologise for your behaviour? Does he apologise to you?

Why would you apologise if you don't think you've done anything wrong? Are you scared of him?

Only if I apologise first half the time

As someone who sometimes gets quite absorbed in computer games, I can understand that your husband was reluctant to interrupt his game to get the air fryer out of it would have only meant a short delay to dinner. I don’t really see why a 20 minute delay to dinner would matter?

just get fryer you can manage. Yours must be really old anyway if it's too heavy for you to lift. Your partners still a dick though, new airfryer or not.

That’s fucking pathetic

Because I would have gotten in the neck that his dinner would have been late and that would be my fault

Why do you need to ask him to spend £30??? This is the most concerning thing.

This seems like a far worse problem than the gaming

This is a bigger problem than the not stopping thej gaming.

He sounds awful OP.

In a way yes I am and I don’t know why.

He sounds horrible. Truly.

I agree with pp that this is about more than him prioritising his gaming over your health and welfare.
It sounds a very one sided relationship where he calls all the shots OP. And he makes sure you know your place

Nothing in this suggests a supportive, loving relationship.

Why do you need your husband's permission to spend a two-figure sum on a piece of household equipment that would make your life easier-especially when you have a medical condition?

I like gaming. I sometimes play games that can’t be paused.

If he asks for 20 mins, I would agree, however, you’ve pointed out that he then moans if dinner is late. That is not ok. If he can’t help when he’s asked, he cannot complain about knock on consequences

it’s also worrying that you feel you have to apologise for everything AND need permission to buy a smaller air fryer.

He sounds very controlling

Abuse isn't just physical @Catty21.

From what you've posted the dynamic in your relationship doesn't sound healthy at all.

You shouldn't be scared of your partner.

Do you think this is a normal healthy relationship?

Let me put it this way

my husband has schizophrenia, and can have random outbursts at times. Rarely but they happen.

Not once has he frightened me. He isn’t violent at all, and he takes the behaviour away from the children.

He actually cares about us. If I go overboard when spending (unfortunately I can’t control it sometimes), he complains, of course, because it has an effect on other things, but he doesn’t get angry, or frightening. He explains why I shouldn’t have bought so and so, and then it’s put in the past

Assuming your DH is a grown adult and not a teenager? He actually suggested you ask him to get the air fryer, rather than hurt yourself. When you did exactly that, he didn't want to interrupt his game. Very poor specimen, please do not apologise to him over this, he doesn't deserve it.

Mate, he's a cunt.