Men who talk over you…how to handle it?

[notprogrammed]

This is a new one for me and I’m actually debating how to handle it. I’m a director at a great company and I’ve been very fortunate to so far not run into too many misogynists. However a new (male) director joined recently and he so far seems the type to always be the centre of attention. If someone tells a story, he’s got a better story. If someone’s making a serious point, he’ll be the first to crack a joke and put the spotlight back on himself. He also constantly talks over me. I’ll say something and he either tries to finish my point for me or he just completely talks over me to make his own. Yesterday we were in a meeting and I was talking to another male colleague and almost as though I was invisible, he butts straight into the conversation and starts his own chat on another subject. Even my other colleague looked startled.

Yesterday as he did it, I very nearly said, ‘excuse me, I am having a conversation’ but I thought it’d probably just make it awkward for all three of us so I didn’t. I have no issue with standing up for myself but bearing in mind he’s new (and everyone currently thinks he’s utterly brilliant), I’m trying to find the right words/tone to make the point but without sounding like Angry Female. Heaven help any woman who gets that label! 🙄

Anyone else dealt with this? How did you handle it and what was the outcome?

This happened to me at work the other day. I simply stared at him when he's finished speaking and accused him of farting. It completely threw him and he got so embarrassed he just left.

Keep talking just as you were. Don't raise your voice. Keep your body language strong.
If he persists, say 'Mark, I'm talking' and keep talking,
Do not use words like 'sorry'.

You did what now?

@notprogrammed I would advise using your body language to look put out and if you want to say something, say it in the calmest quietest tone. “ I was speaking” will do. Or when he’s finished, then you say “ as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted”.. again if you are calm and quiet, no one can accuse you of being shouting and angry

I work in a male dominated field. I stop what I’m doing and look at them until they finished and then grab the attention back before anyone talks again I use sentences such as “ Great story John, picking up from where I left off”, or “before we move on, I would like to finish my point” if someone interrupts me mid sentence I say something like “that’s a great point, if I may just finish mine” or “John, before you start I’m going to finish my story”.

it’s a nuisance but after a while they stop doing it.

edited to say: what u found is that you need to consistently do it. They will then know you won’t stand for being interrupted

“Could I finish, please?” is my usual formula

What i always said was "Sorry, did you have trouble hearing? Because you seemed to be speaking when I was" They don't like it but it worked for me.

This is why I couldn't work for anyone. I'd make the Caesar the Dog whisperer hiss at him like I do our dogs when they lack impulse control.

Nip it in the bud immediately so he knows you aren’t a push over.

I used to work in a male dominated industry and one of my co-managers kept trying to do this to me. I simply used to put my hand up (mid chest height) facing forward and say 'I'm not finished' and carry on. He soon stopped doing it.

Please say you're acquiring my manager, OP! We are DESPERATE for him to do the honour of leaving, retiring or dying on the job.

I have a meeting with him to look forward to next week. I would like to have the brass balls to pull him up on his interruption by saying, "BE QUIET!" (because it is a meeting involving HR, so I need to look polite). The shorthand for it amongst ourselves at work is, "I wish that I could just tell him to shut the f* up!"

I don't understand how OP is a director & new male colleague is a director. How many companies have multiple directors and what does that job title mean?

Aghahaha brilliant reply 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Same way as when women do! Stare and repeat myself.
But if they're your boss, you do have to be more careful. I try to think whether they're insecure, or maybe have a genuine communication problem.

Lots do.

Op could be director of sales and he could be director of operations.

Or they could both be board directors - 3-7 board members is quite a common size.

So this happens to me at work quite often as i have a min wage role, and when i need to report to a supervisor or manager it regularly happens that another senior employee will come over & literally talk over me to the supervisor or manager I’m reporting to!!
I used to just go quiet but the last 3 times I’ve actually raised my voice and said “Excuse me but I’m talking to X and you can talk to X when I’ve finished” - the senior staff concerned are usually taken aback but at least by saying that it means I get to finish communicating what is often important information!!

Unfortunately I will probably have to continue speaking out as one of the staff is a repeat offender - he constantly interrupts and talks over people; I don’t even think he knows he’s doing it, it’s like he just has to get all his thoughts out at once! So I doubt he will learn!

I would wait for him to finish his waffle (probably raising my eyebrows at the person I was talking to) and when he had stopped, say, ‘and as I was saying…’

Nice. In meetings when I am being ignored I sometimes get up and leave, saying breezing, busy day !

often the person you were speaking to picks up on the tangent of the interrupter and the talk doesn’t easily come back to the point you were at.

Where I work it’s above manager and below VP. So we have Director of HR, Director of Operations, etc. Below them we have Construction Manager, Benefits Manager etc.

OP I do the same whether it’s a woman or man talking over me (it’s equally likely to be either at my place of work).

If it’s a real power play I interrupt them back with “Would you mind not talking over me?”

If they’re just being very enthusiastic I let them finish but find a way to let them know separately, and kindly, that interrupting people, even when not malicious, is impolite, and does not reflect well on them.

As someone with ADHD I do find it hard not to interrupt so I think I’m a bit less upset by it generally when others do it, but also want to let them know it’s not a good trait.

Just keep talking and ignore him like he’s not doing it

This!

Hopefully the people you work with / are talking to will back you up also. Good luck as he sounds a complete wanker.

This is hilarious. Thank you

I was in a meeting at work recently and a colleague was constantly interrupting me and changing the subject away from what I was discussing. I just calmly and assertively repeated “I’m still talking” until they stopped and I then finished my point.

Keep your voice calm, be loud enough to be heard but don’t shout. It’s non-confrontational, but holds a very firm boundary and makes it clear that the other person is being rude and interrupting you.

How do you mean you accused him of farting @didntlikeanyofthesuggestions ?

I love the idea but can't envisage how this would go. Just "Have you farted?"

Same thing I do when women or my kids talk over one – I just continue to talk until I’m finished. They soon stop talking if you refuse to stop. Stopping talking is giving them the permission to interrupt.