Men who talk over you…how to handle it?

[notprogrammed]

This is a new one for me and I’m actually debating how to handle it. I’m a director at a great company and I’ve been very fortunate to so far not run into too many misogynists. However a new (male) director joined recently and he so far seems the type to always be the centre of attention. If someone tells a story, he’s got a better story. If someone’s making a serious point, he’ll be the first to crack a joke and put the spotlight back on himself. He also constantly talks over me. I’ll say something and he either tries to finish my point for me or he just completely talks over me to make his own. Yesterday we were in a meeting and I was talking to another male colleague and almost as though I was invisible, he butts straight into the conversation and starts his own chat on another subject. Even my other colleague looked startled.

Yesterday as he did it, I very nearly said, ‘excuse me, I am having a conversation’ but I thought it’d probably just make it awkward for all three of us so I didn’t. I have no issue with standing up for myself but bearing in mind he’s new (and everyone currently thinks he’s utterly brilliant), I’m trying to find the right words/tone to make the point but without sounding like Angry Female. Heaven help any woman who gets that label! 🙄

Anyone else dealt with this? How did you handle it and what was the outcome?

I would put my hand either on his arm or just up towards him, and say in my best condescending polite voice “I’m talking” and then just carry on with what I was saying instantly before he had chance to respond.

Next offence would get “still talking.”

So on, so forth.

Like @Didimum, I just carry on talking and don’t acknowledge they are speaking. Then when I’ve finished my point / sentence, I then address them “did you have something you wanted to say / add?”
I have one serial offender at the moment, but he seems to be accepting I’m not taking that shit.

Oh and don’t say sorry or apologise - they are the ones being rude / interrupting!

Got a female boss like this

I’ve tried just carrying on talking but she lacks the emotional intelligence to realise she’s doing it

She also continuously spells people’s names wrong or calls them something else altogether

Quite frankly it’s excruciatingly embarrassing and I am counting the days until we part ways

Edited to say I’m so sorry for derailing, it’s so incredibly frustrating. It does sound like it’s being noticed by colleagues though, so hopefully he will also get short shrift from them when he tries it with others

I once said in complete exasperation “You have had your opportunity to speak, please do me the courtesy of allowing me to finish my point before talking over me” and the utter cockwomble reported me to HR because he said he had a speech impediment and I was prejudiced against him. Unfortunately for him what he didn’t know but HR did was that I was the parent of a non verbal teenager so the person in the company who was least likely to have that sort of prejudice. He was just an arrogant twat who couldn’t cope with a little woman not bowing down and kissing his feet.

Fold my arms, purse my lips, and look the person he's talking to (or the Chair of the meeting) straight in the eye. Then raise my eyebrows at them. If I'm standing up, I might start tapping my foot.

Alternatively, "Would you let me finish what I'm saying before you interrupt me".

Hum very very softly

I’m one of 6 directors. We have a MD who is the boss. I don’t think that’s unusual in bigger companies?

I will take your word for it. In that case, do all directors have equal seniority to each other in all contexts? How do the directors know who has more authority in a specific context or not?

I would expect staff who see themselves as being more responsible or more experienced to talk more and be more bossy. How do directors resolve this potential hierarchy, authority or responsibility difference?

Sounds like he’s got main character syndrome and he’s like that with everyone and nothing to do with you being a woman so I wouldn’t go down that route
let him finish the start your sentence with as I was saying
wouldn’t make it a hill to die and everyone will suss him out

I’m also a director at my company, with 5 other directors. There is a director per department. It’s really not unusual (my husband’s company also has the same set up, and a completely different industry and size).

Directors have more seniority than others when something falls in the remit of their department. If there are two competing and valid opinions when it comes to needing to resolve something, then it’s up to the MD or chairman.

This. We’re each directors of our specific department (sales, marketing, logistics etc) and have seniority for what happens within our specific team. We all answer to the MD and if there was a conflict, the MD would intervene.

Raise eyebrows wait for them to stop then pause and say "...as I was saying" and continue. If persistant ask "do you want to hear my expertise on the matter?". Or suggest that if they want to know your opinion to discuss via email so you have the space to contribute.

This. Over and over.

This is what I go for. I’ll sometimes say ‘oh you go first’ and when they finish ‘thanks. So as I was saying ….’

In my v male industry they wouldn’t finish. They’d just keep on trucking.

Just to add. It's an issue for people with ADHD that sometimes they find it impossible to wait for someone to finish so they burst in with what they want to say. Being aware of this might make the interrupting less annoying.

Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours is my go to

Can I finish please?
You won’t be making it awkward , he is for being so rude. People will soon realise.

It’s also how I used to manage children when I was teaching and they interrupted.

But then if someone’s going to behave like a child, they’ll be treated like one.

I'm still hoping to hear how the fart accusation technique plays out ...

I tend to say, 'Can I just finish please?' , twice if necessary, then complete my point.

That’s a good point - main character syndrome definitely stacks up.

"I'm trying to speak. Don't talk over me. Don't interrupt me".

Its a perfectly normal arrangement

And most people deal with it by acting like adults

The problem arises when someone decides normal conduct isn't for them!