Men who talk over you…how to handle it?

[notprogrammed]

This is a new one for me and I’m actually debating how to handle it. I’m a director at a great company and I’ve been very fortunate to so far not run into too many misogynists. However a new (male) director joined recently and he so far seems the type to always be the centre of attention. If someone tells a story, he’s got a better story. If someone’s making a serious point, he’ll be the first to crack a joke and put the spotlight back on himself. He also constantly talks over me. I’ll say something and he either tries to finish my point for me or he just completely talks over me to make his own. Yesterday we were in a meeting and I was talking to another male colleague and almost as though I was invisible, he butts straight into the conversation and starts his own chat on another subject. Even my other colleague looked startled.

Yesterday as he did it, I very nearly said, ‘excuse me, I am having a conversation’ but I thought it’d probably just make it awkward for all three of us so I didn’t. I have no issue with standing up for myself but bearing in mind he’s new (and everyone currently thinks he’s utterly brilliant), I’m trying to find the right words/tone to make the point but without sounding like Angry Female. Heaven help any woman who gets that label! 🙄

Anyone else dealt with this? How did you handle it and what was the outcome?

You shouldn’t talk over anyone in a meeting, whether you are more senior or not. If a junior
is saying something incorrect, fine to say “Dave, can I jump in there to clarify?” or whatever and Dave will hopefully give way to your level of expertise/experience.

But anyway.. six directors all on the same level are like you and five mates in the pub. You’d be pissed off if one always spoke over you, there’s no hierarchy point, it’s just rude.

ETA if the sales director is asked a question that covers sales and marketing, say, they will usually say their bit and then something like “I’ll let Martina give the marketing perspective”

When he finishes do a big sigh and a bland but pointed look at him and then totally ignore anything he said and say "anyway, as I was saying"

I would say something pretty direct like: nice anecdote, but we were having a useful conversation, if you want to be part of it, show up with your ears on.

My company has hundreds of directors. They sit below the >1,000 partners.

Would you really say that in a professional context to a new colleague on the same level as you?

I wouldn’t say that to a child I was chastising.

I tend to assume there’s no malice and maybe they can’t help it (partly because that might be the case, and partly plausible deniability).

I make eye contact, listen, keep control of the conversation (making sure it comes back to me) and then might say something like “Interesting points Mark. I’m just going to finish giving my perspective before we bring Andrea in.” I think it converts calm authority better than getting offended.

I would just deal with it the same way as I did with my children when they were small and tried to interrupt:

"I'm talking! Don't interrupt, it's very rude!"

He's behaving like a child who hasn't yet acquired proper manners, so he can expect to be treated like one.

Poor dogs.

My usual response is to let them waffle whilst staring at them and when they pause for breath say “back to the point I was making before you interrupted me John…” thus specifically naming/shaming.

Has a high first time only success rate with a few asshole outliers but even they seem to get the point after round 2 when they clock it’s making them look bad in front of others.