Pros and cons - inviting teen friends on family holiday.

[SuperSharpShooter]

Our boys are 15 and 18 (will be 16/19 on this holiday)

They are pretty close, sensible and smart kids as Are the friends of theirs we've met.
We'll give them the option to to stay home if they reeeally don't want to come away with us, but they don't seem to be shying away from family hols, camping and days out so far, so as long as that continues we'd love to keep having them with us.
We are not wealthy by any means but we do prioritise holidays. We're pretty good at throwing together a cheap and cheerful holiday!

We are thinking of suggesting they invite a friend each for a weeks Costas beach holiday next June.
We think we've worked out a fair way costings wise... but happy to here any suggestions about this.*

Anyone done this?
What potential problems should we be thinking about?
Age wise, hopefully passed any kind of homesickness.
We'd be self catering with an apartment for us and an apartment for the 'kids'
We'd do a 'big shop' for breakfasts and lunch and probably eat out 3 maybe 4 times for a nice evening meal.
We'd like to do at least one 'artsy' day out (our kids would like this)
A waterpark
And a day out to closest big city
(These would be included in costings)
Leaving 4 days to hang out in resort beach/pool/shopping etc... or any other 'activities' they might want to do, watersports etc.
There will be clubbing/night life for the older two.
They'd need their own 'spends'

We'd suggest to the kids they invite someone who thinks they'd be up for all that, and be happy to entertain themselves/each on down days. And friends who would be ok sharing an apartment, two would be in lounge on pull outs. There could potentially be a boy/girl mix, but not overly worried about this.

All our kids friends are equally nice and sensible so don't expect to have to 'look after' anyone any more than we would our own...
But we must be missing something...?

*Happy to share costings but don't really think it will be an issue - the cost is the cost, and quite the bargain tbf There is no way we could pay out right for extras amd I don't think any of the families We'd ask would expect that either. We've broken it down into monthly payments from December, when we'd pay the deposit. Plenty of time to think about, budget and decide if we ask invite in the next couple of weeks.

Any advice welcomed, I'm sure I'm only thinking of the positives.

Reading back, I don't know why I'm being so vague 😁 Costa Brava, Dali's House and Museum and Barcelona!

Can I come? Sounds great.
Good idea re separate apartments.
We took dd's bf with us this summer. His parents paid for his flights and gave us a contribution to food etc. It was so hot we couldn't do much in the way of day trips but it was a lovely week hanging out by the pool, going to the beach (at night!) and relaxing.
One of the main benefits was that we were all on our best behaviour, which meant dds didn't argue and dh was less grumpy.
Have a brilliant time.

Have never brought my kids friends because I brought my 13 year old niece with us once ten years ago and she was a nightmare. I vowed never to bring another child/teen with me again,but that was just my bad experience.

13 is too young!
Mine are pretty self sufficient 😅

I'd just worry whether the four of them would wish you and your husband weren't there! It does sound like a lads' holiday with parents overseeing it.

How dare you! We're very cool 😅
I get your point tho. Maybe fewer planned days/meals out?

Tbf these 'lads' are more D&D than Ibiza pool party!

They are just as likely to invite friends who are girls than other lads.
We've an idea of who we think they might ask... but could throw us a swerve ball!

Absolutely ask them as you’ll have a nicer holiday, as will they. The only downside is I’m not sure my idea of a holiday is sharing an apartment with 4 teen boys and the accompanying mess!

Oh, they'll have their own apartment! Mess will be theirs to live with 😅

We think they'll have a nicer holiday too, not feeling they have to spend all their time with the olds.

Honestly, if your two boys get on well together then I think I’d just go away the four of you.It would be different if only one of them wanted to come (though we’ve also had fun when that’s happened a couple of times with ours). Four teenagers and two adults, however lovely the teenagers are, feels quite different from a family holiday.

Well overall it sounds like you've thought it through and it will work out for you buutttt you did say throw the cons at you so...

Friendships and especially romantic relationships do change quickly at that age, there is potential for awkwardness if invite the friend now and they fall out or break up before the holiday.

I'd be a bit worried about the mixed sex situation if sharing rooms is necessary which it presumably is. I'm not sure as a parent I'd be comfortable with my 16 yo DD sharing a room with a male friend or boyfriend of the same age on holiday never mind his 19 yo brother or brother's male friend. So I think either they both invite a male friend/boyfriend or both invite a girl/girlfriend, and if the latter the boys should do the gentlemanly thing of sharing the lounge pull outs so the girls can have the bedroom (nb I'm not naive that there will be shagging if you allow teens to bring boy/girlfriends on holiday but I think to maintain appearances at least and for the sake of some privacy for changing etc girls under 18 should have the option of separate sleeping accomodation from boys , particularly boys over 18).

Also I do think although 16+ teens should be old enough not to get homesick etc, I do think a sensitive older teen could feel a bit lost/anxious away from home and with a strange family and you would just need to keep an eye on them. I remember being taken away at a similar age with a friend who was an only child's family, and I think my mum went way too hard on impressing on me how very kind the family were to be including me, the vital importance of behaving myself at all times, how I absolutely mustn't disrupt their holiday or be a nuisance etc to the extent I really felt unable to express anything negative at all, I spend the whole holiday on edge, didn't like the food in the resort they'd had but didn't want to complain so just barely ate anything (sure, teenage girl, that makes perfect sense, you'll feel much better for that 😔!), felt sick every time we got in the hire car but again was certain saying something would make me a nuisance so just sat with this face permanently on 🤢 and generally was a bit miserable the whole week and probably not particularly great company for the poor girl who I was specifically there to entertain. It wasn't the (perfectly lovely) family's fault at all but just goes to show teenagers are odd creatures sometimes and even once they should be mature enough to know what to expect and sort themselves out to have a nice time they can get into a bit of a tizz over nothing much.

Thank you, we defo need to hear the cons.

what happens if the friends are engaged in behaviour that you dont tolerate or that is illegal or dangerous - smoking, drugs, alcohol, going off with random people?
tricky with your own teens and trickier still with other people's?

This might be the last time both boys may want to go away as a family. I think I'd want to keep it to the four of you, they're at an age where they can go out to bars and clubs together! Why do you want to invite their friends? Do you think they'll have more fun with their mates?

I've taken the kids friends along on UK holidays but I haven't abroad. I wouldn't be totally against it but it can be more tricky if there's excessive drinking or they fall out or don't behave sensibly. I would only take along a friend that you know well, and know their parents.

If your sons get on well, why do you want to invite to others and not just be a family of four?

Having six people is harder if you want to hire a car or book a restaurant meal, et cetera

And it may be the last family holiday you have

Be different if you’re eldest didn’t want to come and bring a friend for the 16-year-old

But why had complications and two extra friends?

I think if they get on do they need friends there. I see taking a friend as more of a thing with an only child

Something happens to teenaged boys (and girls tbf) when they roam in a pack. I wouldn’t want to be the adult in charge, overseas at that, when this happens.

It really depends on the personalities involved. If they’re just going to sit around and game - they can do that at home. If they’re going to explore Barcelona together, four teens aged 16-19, you have to assume the risk of alcohol, loss or theft of something because there distracted, not always knowing where they are. That’s at best and you’re describing sensible teens. But if this is the first time away without parents for either of the two guests…yeah, I wouldn’t do it. And I would expect their parents to have very clear expectations of you, too b

Taking all of this on board, thanks.

Pros:
All the reasons you think its a good idea!
Cons:
You might not like how it changes the dynamic. You may barely see your DC, and when they're on arranged trips they may be reluctant as they may prefer to hang out with friend elsewhere.
You may find the restrictions on your privacy difficult and that you can't be fully yourself. Family arguments will feel super awkward.
The DC may fall out.
I'd not do this unless I knew the guest DC really well and for a long time, and had hosted them multiple times at length, so I was relaxed with them, and confident they were a good fit with the family.

Interesting what others think as my boys are 18 and 21 and are using our apartment on the Black Sea (which we don’t live in) a few times a year separately with different groups of friends/girlfriends although we supply the transfer from the airport/apartment and don’t charge for accomadation obvs. As long as it’s clean and tidy. This has been going on for a few years now and it’s worked really well for them

This might be the last time both boys may want to go away as a family. I think I'd want to keep it to the four of you

Not necessarily - ours have continued to want to come into their twenties.

I've brought friends and mostly they were a great success, OP. One was hard work - it turns out her family's idea of a holiday and ours were pretty different. She was bored by museums, board games, films, pool games etc and expected to spend most days at the shops. So as long as everyone is clear what's expected, I'd say friends can really add to a holiday experience.

Who is going to get landed sleeping on the pull out sofa in the living room? That would really put me off.

I'm not clear what you are expecting the friends to pay for? Is it there share of everything, the accommodation, flights, food etc?

If I was planning this I'd not expect them to contribute to the accommodation or food, just their flights and spending money. Bear in mind their families may be planning their own holidays so won't necessarily appreciate having to fork out again for an additional one.

I don’t think I’d bother if your sons get on, to be honest, I’d just go the four of you. The con I’ve come across most via friends is the friendships having cooled off or ended between the invitation and the holiday. One of my friends, a single parent, got stuck with having paid for a transatlantic flight for her 14 year old DD’s friend who said shortly before they were supposed to leave that she didn’t want to go any more because the DD was being mean to her. I can’t remember if it was too late for a refund — I think she may have got a partial one only.

To me this is the worst age to take other peoples kids away as you have no control over what they do as there adults but you will still feel responsible. Have you been around there friends when they are drunk and know what type of drunk they are.

@SuperSharpShooter
Nothing wrong with your plan. With the right friends I’m sure it will go well.

Just as a different perspective, we very much value our holidays as a family unit even with adult children. It’s a time where we connect as a family unit, but I appreciate that for the moment the children don’t have significant others in their lives, so this obviously won’t last forever.

The only thing I could think of is to probably think of the holiday as your ( you +DH ) holiday and the kid’s holiday. Let them make their decisions and whatever they choose to do, or not do should be fine with you guys.