How do full-time working parents find time beyond work and childcare?

[exceptmeandmymonkey]

I work full-time in a global corporate role, usually 7:30 a.m.- 5:00 p.m., plus a little bit of extra work in the evening. DH is in a similar role, but starts later (he's roughly 9 a.m.–6:15 p.m.). We don't have family nearby. The kids are in primary school and use after-school club until I collect them.

I'm naturally quite introverted, mid 40s, and struggling with peri at the moment (on HRT but still have low mood and joint pain). DH is very involved and pulls his weight.

I'm lucky to have a steady job in this environment, and we have a lot to be grateful for. But I feel like I'm crumbling. Most days it feels as though I get on a treadmill at 7:30am and don't step off until about 8 p.m., when the kids are in bed. Then I have an hour of watching TV because I have no energy to do anything else, before doing it all again the next day. On weekends children have a club each morning, then we have chill family time (e.g. playground, park, pub) in the afternoon.

The children are wonderful if somewhat full-on, DH is a good guy, and I feel lucky to be employed. I just don't feel like I'm enjoying my life very much at the moment and find myself being grouchy and impatient because I feel so spent.

So, genuinely: if you work full-time with primary-aged children, what does your life look like outside work/childcare/admin? How do you make time for hobbies/friends/etc?

I'm particularly interested in hearing from people who don't have a big family support network. I feel like I'm missing something obvious.

The suggestions to reduce your hours annoy me as it's funny how these are always the suggestions for the woman. If it was "both you and DH shold reduce your hours" I might feel differently.

I think you need to be careful to carve out the time. You can't expect it to happen spontaneously. And there are two ways to do this - ideally, find a way to incorporate some of both.

The first is to outsource what you can so that you don't have to spend the time doing day to day tasks and can claw back that time. eg a cleaner, someone to do the ironing, garden maintenance and DIY. With two children in full time school with wraparound care, I'd seriously consider an after school nanny instead a few days a week - someone who collects DC from school, possibly takes to activity, prepares their dinner, gets them ready for bed etc. this is not just about having more time for yourself but also about avoiding that sense of constant rushing which I think is almost the worst part about working and having a family - if that email comes in at the last minute, you either miss it or you land up doign it then RUNNING for the train to make school run or you're sending the email on the train instead of taking that time for a bit of downtime to read or listen to music/podcast.

The second is to divide and conquer with your DH. So yes, that means not necessarily time together, but definitely to time for yourself. So one night a week he is in charge of all the kids bits, dinner, bed time, sorting kitchen, prepping for next day etc while you meet up with friends/ go to the gym/join a class and then on one other night, you do it all while he has the same option. For me and many of my friends/colleagues with jobs this evening was also the evening we could stay late at work, meet colleagues for a spontaneous drink etc etc etc.

oh, and we also always did similar on the weekend. Every weekend there would be a few hours where one of us could be doing nothing - eg one was taking kids to an activity and the other was at home or one was at home with kids and the other one was out doing something. So at least once a forgnitht you had a few hours on a weekend. we never bought into this idea that we all had to be together the entire weekend.

In your case, swimming would be the one Id' suggest. So each week one of you takes BOTH kids to swimming and the other one stays home to chill. It's probably only 90 minutes, but that's 90 minutes to just potter around doing what you like.

Well neither of us work thst many hours a day, thats a bit insane. And we’re both full time. We take turns in the evening to do a hobby so I’ll go to a yoga clas, swim or my choir and DH go to the football or play golf. We both WFH mostly so can do a few house bits during the day. And ours in nursery so get a longer day there!

Oh and weekends we don’t usually do everything together, well take it in turns to do house stuff, garden, any DIY, go out, chill out!

I'm exhausted too OP in a demanding job, no family support, child with SEN. Feel permanently overstretched and overwhelmed. I do one hobby per week, DH does bedtime. I also try to see friends once or twice a week.

I am free, excellent cook, Oxford-qualified teacher (the proper university), clean driving licence. Happy to be housekeeper, but would need to live in. Nearly 40 years' experience in IT including managing high value projects, so also good at planning and budgets.
Happy to work 06:30 to 18:00 Monday to Friday. Only need room and wifi, plus washing facilities. Good at ironing and general domestic organisation.

It's really hard OP especially when they're small. Im single parenting 2 fifteen year olds and have a very demanding job. I'm bloody exhausted tbh. But, it does feel slightly easier as they get bigger. You just swap endless activities for lifts. If you and your other half can agree to give each other a slot of time away from parenting that can help. Learn to enjoy running or something you can do straight from your door. You are not alone 😊

Yup same. No family network, just us. Two corporate jobs, two kids. It's all childcare or work. My hobby is Duolingo on my morning commute. When we had one child I managed to sew in the summerhouse for a couple of hours each weekend, but this hobby was short-lived.

You will have your time back once they're teenagers. Now it's about them not us

Don’t work 9.5 hrs a day? Can’t imagine those are your contracted hours? I do my 8 hours only which gives me more time in the evenings.

Three kids under ten, very demanding job, DH works full-time too. Very supportive parents but half a continent away.

The kids eat dinners in school four times a week, we have a cleaner four hours a week, DH absolutely pulls his weight. The kids have nine hobbies/fourteen trainings a week between them. They are heavily stacked in the weekends as I don't have much flexibility on weekdays.

I simply continue working (work or household) when the kids are in bed, until midnight, every day. I get up every weekend day at 7 because the hobbies start at 8. Then the weekend is over, we are roughly back to scratch, and the week starts again.

We have a fixed babysitter one evening a week. Just three hours, but I use it to catch up with friends or try and do something fun.

For friends, hair dresser, ... I use my annual leave and I try to then stack lots of things.

I am lucky I really love being a mum and my job, or I would quickly go insane.

I get up at 4.30am and go to the gym. Then I go to work. I get in early so I can finish early. Usually get home from work around 5-5.30. Take the kids to whatever clubs they have that evening. Make dinner. Get them to bed. Eventually sit down around 9pm. In bed by 10 and repeat every week day. Weekends are spent catching up on chores and sleep. Football matches. Parties etc. I don’t have an answer for you. But I guess this is just how it is until they are older

I'm late 40's but my youngest is a teen now. I work 8-4.30 and have a 2nd job in the evenings so am out for around 14-16 hours per day at least 2 days per week and 12 hours the other 3 with one day at the weekend. Obviously my DC are a bit older now but I have been similar for quite a number of years.

It's hard but:

• I use my lunch hour to go to the gym
• Do my shopping online and have it delivered the same time every week *Try and do one job per day or whilst I'm doing something ie. I'll clean the shower whilst I'm in it or wash the cupboards whilst waiting for pasta to boil. Clean on a Saturday morning
• 1 load of washing per day
• Cook two meals on a Sunday that can be reused later - this Sunday will be cottage pie and chicken pasta bake which will do us until Wednesday. Thursday will be beans on toast/eggs on toast type thing *Try and do homework with the kids at least one night per week.

I think I've just accepted that I won't have time for myself for a while and that's that. I don't watch TV anyway but if I'm not working I rarely sit down. It is what it is and it won't be forever.

A 7.30am start sounds mad? Unless you mean you leave the house at that time? Can you negotiate one day WFH as at least that is one day where you don’t have to get up for the commute? Could you budget for a babysitter once a month on a weekend for you to go do something for yourself? Also you and your husband take turns to have a lunch with friends/morning to yourself to do whatever?

Until they hit late primary school/secondary school it's a treadmill. Then you gradually get your life back. In the meantime you take turns to grab a night out here and there with friends or an afternoon in the gym etc.