DD college lanyard woes (ADHD)

[CampbellFairfax]

My DD is meant to wear a lanyard at college with her student pass in it - she needs it to get in/out of buildings, buy lunch etc. She has ADHD and lost/forgot it most days last year until she started keeping her pass in her phone case and all was well from then on.

Fast forward to yr13 and shes Head Girl and been told she has to physically wear the lanyard to lead by example. Day 3 and she’s lost it already and is distraught.

Anyone got any tried and tested tips or solutions to help?

Could she attach it to her bag using those retractable key chains? That way she will always have it with her. If it has to be visible then she could have it at the front, hanging outside of her bag.

there is an airtag setting that sends a message to your phone to say that you have left a tagged item behind as well.

This is not how ADHD works. And OP has given a lot of information in her updates as to what they have tried, and the detrimental effect it’s had on DD. It’s a sensory issues and can be distressing.

You do not understand ADHD and you ARE being both unkind and ableist.

It is very clear the OP and her daughter are trying really hard to find a solution and I bet the daughter is a great, hardworking kid (she didn’t become head girl by chance). The school should be making a reasonable adjustment here.

Agree with the people saying to get a Tile or Airtag.

I have ADHD and I have Tiles on several important items.

I've often wished for one tiny enough to attach to my glasses! So for all the posters who think DD would just magically remember if she wanted to - oddly enough, I do like being able to see!

Bit of prep beforehand, then carrot and stick method.

Prep:

• get a lanyard she likes and finds more comfortable, if possible.
• get her to speak to college herself and see if it's ok for her to wear it not round her neck (eg clipped onto pocket or bottoms). Some places won't allow it because those places are easily covered and lanyards are worn for security so staff seeing at a glance that everyone has them on is important.
• set location at home to leave it, and sort out a routine (maybe with an alarm or set reminder) to pick it up on way out, and put it away once home
• wearing clothes or bag (if she has a choice), which help her. If she's finding it uncomfortable to wear, a bag with a small front pocket where she puts her lanyard and keys once she exits the front door with them in her hand, and the same when leaving college so they're accounted for, which will minimise the amount of time she wears it. If she has a choice of clothes, set pocket in jacket to put them in for travelling, or when she takes them off in free time at college, and wearing clothing which covers her neck under the lanyard to prevent scratching etc. A set place to put it when she does take it off will at least mean she doesn't loose it if she does remove it.
• take anything unnecessary off the lanyard (if it's weighing it down it may be more uncomfortable) - no fidgets, don't attach pens, make sure holder is light weight etc.

Carrot

• she's head girl, and that comes with lots of reward and responsibility anyway.
• If she need more for wearing it, have her pick one, and set up a system that works for her. How about something like putting 20p into a pot every day when she gets home and hangs it up if she hasn't lost it all day? Not much money, but would probably add up to a nice meal out at the end of the year. Or something like a sticker chart (will reinforce the habit), this should be something she can eventually take over and manage herself, but you could assist with for a few weeks.

Stick:

• she takes whatever punishment the college gives out for not wearing the lanyard. If that's detention or demerits or whatever, then she deals with it and you support the school in that (after the prep has been done to put those supports into place). If it's being told off by the head, she deals with it (you could help her think of what to say in advance for if it does happen)

At 17, she may be off to uni next year, and really needs to start to take some responsibility for looking after her stuff and following requirements, so putting stuff in place to support her, but allowing her to mostly manage it herself will be a good step to independence with this.

I apologise for that, it absolutely was not my intention.

Have you told college it’s a sensory issues, she can’t tolerate the lanyard round her neck due to her neurodiversity? They need to make reasonable adjustments and allow her to carry it in her phone. We would allow this at work in this situation.

lol

Her friends and teachers need to get on board and tell her to stop taking it off. In many workplaces she will be required to wear one or at least have it on her. Perhaps some natural consequences…

Bravo! And spot on!

'It became so overwhelming she started avoiding college altogether rather than admit she’d lost her pass again'

This is awful to read op, all the pressure and expectation on her making her distraught and wanting to miss college.

People with conditions can and do hold positions of responsibility but once it becomes a problem and it is making them ill you've got to review.

It surely isn't just about a lanyard, your dd sounds overwhelmed and the lanyard is how it is manifesting. Please ask her to talk to a teacher and request to withdraw as headgirl so she can focus on her studies which should be the priority.

You can get those belt clips on pass holders that extend on a reel. Is it about the pass or lanyard?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Retractable-Holder-Keychain-Lanyard-Office/dp/B0F4867ZSJ/ref=asc_df_B0F4867ZSJ?mcid=f385e6b49f0a3169825a328804d1f133&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=744241551014&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=6096205251853735877&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9046605&hvtargid=pla-2418589938686&psc=1&hvocijid=6096205251853735877-B0F4867ZSJ-&hvexpln=0&gad_source=1

Seconding the idea of washing it multiple times to soften it. If she doesn't have Apple then Motorola do Android tags. Clothes with collars if need be, at least on the longest or most tiring days in her timetable. She needs to stop taking it off in college full stop, and outside college it needs to go straight in a specific place in her bag. It should not ever touch a surface other than that pocket of her bag.

This may not suit her at all, but for some people adding a phone on a lanyard "drowns out" the irritatingly light touch of the ID lanyard and makes it more bearable.

She's only on day 3 of this brand new system. She sorted it last year, and she will sort it again this year.

Try the "touch once" method. When I'm not at work my lanyard is looped over the handle of my laptop. When I go to work I put it on and it never comes off until I get home and it goes straight on my bag again. I used to have declare if I lost my I'd badge foe security reasons. You need to pretend it's a £500 voucher or something

I don't like lanyards round my neck either, I had mine on a stretchy thing attached to my trousers, it was on show and I just pulled it to touch on doors for entry.
The clip part seemed a bit unsafe to me so I would tie it on. I got them on Amazon.

I have ADHD and what is suggested here worked for me. The only problem would be taking it off for games and similar things. But ADHD people get used to checking, looking back at a seat to see what they’ve left behind, checking again, and routines definitely help if you can get used to that.

I do my own version of the “spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch” rhyme. I say those words but look to check that I have my keys, phone, lanyard and purse.

Your daughter has my heartfelt commiserations. She’s very much not alone. Congratulations on being awarded Head Girl. She obviously has special qualities that others recognise and should remember that.

If this were me, I'd photocopy and laminate the badge to put on a lanyard then keep her proper pass with her phone. That takes the security risk/ stress out of losing her badge, so she can focus on trying some of the excellent ideas that other posters have suggested to keep hold of the lanyard.

Good luck to your daughter, she sounds fab!

As a fellow ADHD-er who loses everything the second I set it down - I feel her pain!

I don't know if this has been suggested already, but can you pop an air tag on it? Or you can get different versions if she hasn't got an iPhone. But she can track it on her phone and potentially get it to play a sound if she can't see it anywhere. I have them on everything and it's been a life saver.

I think people baby their children far too much. What decisions will she make after you are dead? How will she ever get a job if she hates rules?

This does sound like a psychosomatic issue rather than an inevitable event, ie she is telling herself “I have ADHD therefore I will lose this pass if I have to wear it around my neck” and that becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

if she can prevent herself losing her phone, she can prevent herself losing her position as head girl. She (and you) need to change the narrative

I have ADHD (although much much older than your daughter). I have certain immutable rules that I follow to minimise losing things. My lanyard lives in a pocket in my briefcase, I put it on before I leave for work and it stays firmly round my neck until I return home where I return it to the same pocket. If you have to take it off for say phs ed then it goes into the same side pocket. Then rinse and repeat the next day. I have mislaid my work card once in thirty years with this system. The key thing is that you should never accidentally put it down somewhere - you have to be disciplined about keeping it on and always returning it to the same place. I have a similar system for car keys - in my brief case or bag or in the bowl on the hall bookcase - when I return home, I put the key in the bowl as I go past, and then stuff my lanyard into the side pocket. Nothing interrupts that process.

This is exactly what I do! I have ADHD too and I constantly lose my pass. It’s currently tied in my belt loop!

Someone with ADHD experiencing a symptom of ADHD is a "psychosomatic issue"? I'd love if ADHD could be cured by changing the narrative, but back in the real world...