How to manage plans with a friend whose ADHD affects reliability

[NotPerfectlyAdverage]

My friend has got quite bad ADHD so I'm fairly used to this. They arranged a meet up with me. Suggested the date and said it would go into the diary. She is great fun and I enjoy her company. Quite scatty.

The only day I don't work we arrange to meet up. The day rolls around on Friday. No time has been set so I chase her up. She is busy. Hasn't thought to tell me she has had a emergency. It was my one day off and I had put it aside for her.

I know it's the ADHD. I should have confirmed a time with her on Thursday evening. Normally if she was just scatty I'd let the friendship slide but I know she can't help it.

What's best way of dealing with this going forward? My free time is precious

I'd give up on the friendship, she sounds rude and exhausting. She says she has rejection sensitivity - what a load of self absorbed nonsense.

My partner is like this.
I put everything in his phone calendar (and the wall one!) and remind him the day before if it’s important. If something doesn’t gave a time fixed in advance it doesn’t happen as it’s not confirmed as far as he’s concerned.

I’d suggest talking to your friend and saying you can’t waste time on plans that fall through and ask her which strategies will work for her - wether it’s sending her a calendar invite, texting the day before and again a couple of hours before etc. You SHOULDN’T Have to do this but it might be the easiest way to maintain a friendship.

I have a friend who has severe time blindness. It's so annoying. If you arrange to meet at 10 in a park she will turn up at 11.30 and wonder why we want to go home.

I had to stop arranging anything with a time. We invited her and her DC to a kids event, 11-12:30. She turned up at 12:15, DC crying because it was nearly over. Can't go to the cinema or anything because she would turn up half way through saying she couldn't find her keys.

So we keep it very very loose and I never expect her to turn up. So we instead meet for a walk and I will assume she will turn up an.hour in late.

My DH thought I was exaggerating until we planned a day out at a local tourist site. They had a special thing for kids on at 2pm. I told my friend to arrive at 12 and she turned up at 2.15. he thinks I'm a bit anal about being early so thought I had been making it up and even he thought it was bloody ridiculous.

and would you be annoyed if they didn’t?
do you ever take responsibility for checking plans?

It does only seem fair that if someone knows they’re like this they’re honest about it at the time of planning. “I’m sorry, I’ll probably forget about this & I’m likely to be late.”

Then if the other person is still up for it there’s space for talking about how to handle that, whether it’s frequent reminders or agreeing that if person 1 is late person 2 can start without her or whatever.

Yep - I’ve just decided to distance myself from someone who’s like this. Not an easy decision but I have enough on to be adulting for someone in their mid 40s.

No I wouldn’t be annoyed. I try to if I remember. I only have 2 close friends and they are very supportive