Is it horrible to make ds walk

[Whyohwhy99]

Am I horrible making ds walk for 40 mins to and from school because I want to avoid the bus?

So humans don’t do things they find unenjoyable anymore and any minor discomforts should be eradicated from life!

And as for the HTH🙄

I mean given this entire thread is because OP wants to avoid the bus because she finds it unenjoyable that's a little ironic.

Its not really about the walk or the weather. I walked to school my whole life, and just dealt with being wet sometimes - and you can dress for the weather anyway.

The bigger issue here is that OPs anxiety is affecting her sons options, and that is not ok. This week its about buses and transport. Then the next anxiety issue will come along. And the next. Its not fair when it affects other people - its actually selfish behaviour, even if it is not malicious or badly intended, or the person is not inherently selfish.

Sorry, double posted for some reason, so have edited.

She has suspected NDs, that’s different. Children have been walking to school in the rain since school began.

But her son has actual diagnosed sen?!

Precisely.

Apologies if I've missed this but is getting the bus on his own an option? Aside from that, my DS walked 2 miles each way to secondary school which was about 40 minutes, rain or shine. I recall my school walk was about half an hour in all weathers... No buses available and parents and grandparents at work, so no other option. I don't think its mean at all. It great exercise and will build his confidence and independence.
I hope you find you help you need with your anxieties.

Not her fault if diagnosis wait lists are insanely long, if she is ND she is ND.

OP it seems your DS enjoys and copes well with the walk, as long as that continues it seems fine and 2 less people on the bus in rush hour!

If you are ND crippling public transport anxiety is common and not something you can switch off. My daughter had extensive travel training and it didn’t do a lot. She has to weigh up being in a fit state to study which trumps public transport. The op will need to weigh up doing all the other things that she will need to do in the rest of her day which will trump travelling on public transport . ND people are taught to use the spoons theory and it’s important she has enough spoons to mother her child. Being crippled with anxiety, or in meltdown is something to avoid for the sake of her child. Public transport is expensive, if you can walk instead that is preferable anyway. There is no law that says we all have to be able to do everything and getting daily exercise and fresh air whilst saving money is a good skill to teach a child .

Learning difficulties doesn’t mean you can’t and shouldn’t walk.

IF she has ND, which is not sure yet, there are things you can try. If you have tried and still struggle that is one thing. But if you have not tried to work on it then that is not ok.

FWIW, I have worked with numerous ND women who were convinced they had been great mothers, and were devastated to get feedback from their children later in life that their kids did not see it that way. Because it can be hard to see how what you do affects others, its really important for ND people to learn about this in other ways. And to understand that their choices affect others.

As I said, and stand by, I am not saying it is because people are bad, or selfish or anything else negative. But when your own anxiety, whatever the reason for it, affects others, this is a problem.

There are many obtuse people within this thread.

Who said they're incapable? Some of us don't enjoy getting wet and feeling damp.

All very relevant. However in this particular example about bus vs walk, it is not disadvantaging him to walk to school

When OP posts about the next problem, perhaps that will be something that is a disadvantage to him and she'll need to make a different decision.

Once he is travel trained, he can travel on the bus on his own anyway.

1.8 miles is a bike ride length journey. Maybe a scooter for DS if you’re happy walking?

also, is he 11 and just starting secondary age, potentially able to manage the bus himself or 11 just gone into year 6 age. Is he mature for his age? Does the walk home help reset and regulate him?

he’s already at SEN school so while you say there’s no eligibility for transport, is that for his needs or the mileage? If it could be considered he’s unsafe to make the journey alone at secondary age 11, you might be able to get transport through his EHCP. I worked with a student who had that for a journey of a mile with good public footpaths. But he had zero road sense and a mother who could not drive him to school.

I beg your pardon, being ND does not make you a bad mother. Many many kids of NT parents will look back and think their parents weren’t great. None of us are perfect parents and being ND does not make you a worse parent than anybody else.

“Because it can be hard to see how what you do affects others, its really important for ND people to learn about this in other ways. And to understand that their choices affect others.” is frankly bullshit.

ND people can often bend over backwards to please and mask difficulties. Communication difficulties can occur in both directions and often very much so from NTs.

Chronic anxiety from ND can’t be switched off anymore than difficulties in other disabiiities can. Working round it in a positive way such as walking and using it to foster exercise and other experiences is to be commended .

Ok but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t don’t or that you should be telling other people they shouldn’t .

YABVU to let your neuroses affect your child

That’s too long as a regular walk to and from school

No one has said you can't be ND and be a great mother. No one.

But what you can do is bury your head in the sand and pretend your kids don't notice anything is wrong when you behave as the OP does. Because that's where issues are created. Ask me how I know.

The "child" is being walked to school by a parent at 11! Why don't they go on their own, they are old enough. Or have they a condition that makes it impossible for them to go out on their own?

You need to read properly and not twist my words. I did not say all ND mothers were bad mothers. I am very familiar with how kind and thoughtful ND people can be, sometimes to their own detriment. However, people with anxiety, for whatever reason this anxiety develops or maintains, often underestimate or dismiss how their anxiety affects people around them, and since theory of mind can be difficult for some ND people, this can be a double whammy. And I have seen many women floored later in life by learning how their children viewed their mothering. And before you jump in again, yes, there are 2 sides and sometimes it is unfair, but there are common themes you hear which come up too often to be coincidental. Better to know that is a potential problem, than pretend it is not.

@Diddlyd00 Gosh, are you always this self-righteous in real life?