Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

DD feels she is being picked on at work, what's the best way to handle this?

62 replies

Redsparkleydeeleyboppers · 24/07/2026 10:01

DD has not long turned 18. She's studying at college and has been trying to find a part time job which is so very difficult on our area, it's very competitive here (as I imagine it is in many parts of the UK right now).

We live near a seaside town and so she started applying for seasonal jobs at the local holiday parks and was thrilled to land herself a summer job from May to October and the pay is quite good for her age (£13 per hour), more than most places are paying around here.

She has really enjoyed it so far and as most of the staff are around her age (18-22) she gets on with everyone but things have changed over the last few weeks. Her team leader left and one of the lifeguards was given the job. She says he was always fine with her in his previous role but since he's become team leader he is really quite nasty to her at times. His whole demeanour has changed since and she feels he is picking on her regularly. She says he will bark out orders to her with zero patience and the other day swore at her and as it was over the walkie talkie everyone overheard which she said was really embarrassing (it was something on the lines of 'Oh for fuck sake Sophie, just do it already'). She says he's having a go at her for struggling with certain tasks that she's never had training for.

She is on the activities team and is often left alone to deal with an activity which should have two workers on and is expected to move certain pieces of equipment about on her own, for example she is often on the bungee trampolines and at the end of the day they expect her to lift large 12-15 ft trampolines over on to their sides. I have told not to even attempt this alone.

Yesterday was a training day and she says he appeared to pick on her and a couple of the other girls on/off all day yet he was not like this with any of the lads. DD is very friendly with one of the other lifeguards and they do flirt a bit. This team leader asked her to perform a task during this training session and she struggled with it so he turned to DD's lifeguard friend and in front of everyone said, 'So, Callum so you enjoy flirting with someone this thick?'

I've told her this is bullying within the work place and she must absolutely put a stop to it by either going to a supervisor/manager or contacting HR but she won't, she says this is the kind of work culture here and the supervisors and managers are all the same (none are over the age of 25/30) and she doesn't want to make a fuss and get picked on any further. She will stand up for herself though and has argued her point to him a few times but he just shuts her down. She says she's not letting any man push her out of a job and will stick it to the end but it's sad that it has to be with a bad air because of this guy's unprofessional behaviour. I believe he is the one needing the extra training on how to converse effectively and productively with staff members.

She says she believes she works well and none of the other supervisors or managers have pulled her up on any issues, it's just this one guy who seems a bit 'drunk with power' since he's stepped into his new role.

She really needs this job and after it comes to an end at the beginning of October who knows if she'll be able to secure another part time job easily, we are quite an overcrowded town and many of her friends are struggling to find jobs.

What would you do if you were in her position?

OP posts:
AwayWiththeGoblins · 27/07/2026 18:13

DeftGoldHedgehog · 24/07/2026 19:50

And what sort of 18 year old were "we" 30 years ago?

Well, I was hitching around the countryside working between school and university as a relief milker and in an abattoir, then, having never been abroad, and having barely left my home county, I got myself a passport, and an au pair job in France. Pre-mobiles, so little contact with home. I don't think that was particularly unusual.

GarlicBiscuits · 27/07/2026 18:50

Redsparkleydeeleyboppers · 27/07/2026 13:12

Honestly, this guy is so immature it's unbelievable. DD came home from work on Saturday and he'd drawn a phallic symbol in the dust on her car bonnet - he's obviously a 12 year old stuck in a twenty something's body ffs!

Again, leave an anonymous Trip Advisor customer review saying that you saw a member of staff doing this…

PrincessHoneysuckle · 27/07/2026 18:55

Haven or Butlins?

OriginalUsername2 · 27/07/2026 19:06

I think she should make him aware that bullying 18th at old girls just makes him look like a loser to her. In whatever way teens speak these days!

DeftGoldHedgehog · 27/07/2026 22:09

AwayWiththeGoblins · 27/07/2026 18:13

Well, I was hitching around the countryside working between school and university as a relief milker and in an abattoir, then, having never been abroad, and having barely left my home county, I got myself a passport, and an au pair job in France. Pre-mobiles, so little contact with home. I don't think that was particularly unusual.

It was certainly unusual among anyone I knew or heard of. We all just about had Saturday jobs in C&A or the local pub, and were doing A-Levels. Going to university or our first package holiday with no parents was our biggest adventure.

Redsparkleydeeleyboppers · 27/07/2026 23:05

PrincessHoneysuckle · 27/07/2026 18:55

Haven or Butlins?

Haven

OP posts:
Pessismistic · 27/07/2026 23:17

Sounds like he is trying to push her out or he fancies her like mad and she’s not interested he’s definitely a child but it’s hurtful for your dd that such a baby is in charge of her. Definitely send an email saying that you saw staff bullying a member of staff mainly females it’s not a good look and makes haven look very unprofessional and they must have a duty of care to the staff who work there. Review will be put on trip advisor to advise the guests there is some misogynistic supervisors employed by haven.

HarrietHedgehog · 29/07/2026 13:11

I’m astonished at the number of posters who place their faith in HR. They won’t support your daughter even if she does complain and the graffiti incident marks a sinister raising of the threat posed by her bully. There’s no shame in walking away from a situation like that and no-one should be encouraging her to stay “to toughen her up”. It’s a shame about the money, I agree, but her life’s being made a misery.

AwayWiththeGoblins · 29/07/2026 13:19

HarrietHedgehog · 29/07/2026 13:11

I’m astonished at the number of posters who place their faith in HR. They won’t support your daughter even if she does complain and the graffiti incident marks a sinister raising of the threat posed by her bully. There’s no shame in walking away from a situation like that and no-one should be encouraging her to stay “to toughen her up”. It’s a shame about the money, I agree, but her life’s being made a misery.

Well, going to HR is better than what the OP's daughter is doing at the moment, which is nothing...

Sistedtwister · 29/07/2026 18:33

HarrietHedgehog · 29/07/2026 13:11

I’m astonished at the number of posters who place their faith in HR. They won’t support your daughter even if she does complain and the graffiti incident marks a sinister raising of the threat posed by her bully. There’s no shame in walking away from a situation like that and no-one should be encouraging her to stay “to toughen her up”. It’s a shame about the money, I agree, but her life’s being made a misery.

The incident with the phallic symbol on the car is sexual harassment, employers have a duty to take reasonable steps to protect worker against SH.
HR are absolutely there to protect the business, against managers who behave like this and put them at risk

Redsparkleydeeleyboppers · 30/07/2026 09:15

HarrietHedgehog · 29/07/2026 13:11

I’m astonished at the number of posters who place their faith in HR. They won’t support your daughter even if she does complain and the graffiti incident marks a sinister raising of the threat posed by her bully. There’s no shame in walking away from a situation like that and no-one should be encouraging her to stay “to toughen her up”. It’s a shame about the money, I agree, but her life’s being made a misery.

Looking at the online reviews from previous workers at Haven I can’t imagine HR will care too much. The problem is it’s notoriously difficult for young people to find work in our area, these companies know this so there will always be someone else waiting to take the job. Dd has applied for endless jobs this summer and this was the only interview she got, she continues to apply for jobs but hears nothing, most of her friends are in the same position.

The issue also is that DD doesn’t want to leave, she desperately wants a new car and has been saving up, she has worked out that by the end of the summer she will have enough for the car she has set her heart on. Sadly, I’m not in a position to fund these things.

I can only advise her but she has to make the decision in the long run I suppose, I just hate these jumped up nobody’s who love to make other people’s lives hard work because of their own inadequacies.

OP posts:
Redsparkleydeeleyboppers · 30/07/2026 09:16

AwayWiththeGoblins · 29/07/2026 13:19

Well, going to HR is better than what the OP's daughter is doing at the moment, which is nothing...

I’ve advised her, that’s all I can do. She’s worried it’ll come back to her and he’ll make her life even more difficult. He’s off sick atm and so things have settled…for the time being at least.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page