DD feels she is being picked on at work, what's the best way to handle this?

[Redsparkleydeeleyboppers]

DD has not long turned 18. She's studying at college and has been trying to find a part time job which is so very difficult on our area, it's very competitive here (as I imagine it is in many parts of the UK right now).

We live near a seaside town and so she started applying for seasonal jobs at the local holiday parks and was thrilled to land herself a summer job from May to October and the pay is quite good for her age (£13 per hour), more than most places are paying around here.

She has really enjoyed it so far and as most of the staff are around her age (18-22) she gets on with everyone but things have changed over the last few weeks. Her team leader left and one of the lifeguards was given the job. She says he was always fine with her in his previous role but since he's become team leader he is really quite nasty to her at times. His whole demeanour has changed since and she feels he is picking on her regularly. She says he will bark out orders to her with zero patience and the other day swore at her and as it was over the walkie talkie everyone overheard which she said was really embarrassing (it was something on the lines of 'Oh for fuck sake Sophie, just do it already'). She says he's having a go at her for struggling with certain tasks that she's never had training for.

She is on the activities team and is often left alone to deal with an activity which should have two workers on and is expected to move certain pieces of equipment about on her own, for example she is often on the bungee trampolines and at the end of the day they expect her to lift large 12-15 ft trampolines over on to their sides. I have told not to even attempt this alone.

Yesterday was a training day and she says he appeared to pick on her and a couple of the other girls on/off all day yet he was not like this with any of the lads. DD is very friendly with one of the other lifeguards and they do flirt a bit. This team leader asked her to perform a task during this training session and she struggled with it so he turned to DD's lifeguard friend and in front of everyone said, 'So, Callum so you enjoy flirting with someone this thick?'

I've told her this is bullying within the work place and she must absolutely put a stop to it by either going to a supervisor/manager or contacting HR but she won't, she says this is the kind of work culture here and the supervisors and managers are all the same (none are over the age of 25/30) and she doesn't want to make a fuss and get picked on any further. She will stand up for herself though and has argued her point to him a few times but he just shuts her down. She says she's not letting any man push her out of a job and will stick it to the end but it's sad that it has to be with a bad air because of this guy's unprofessional behaviour. I believe he is the one needing the extra training on how to converse effectively and productively with staff members.

She says she believes she works well and none of the other supervisors or managers have pulled her up on any issues, it's just this one guy who seems a bit 'drunk with power' since he's stepped into his new role.

She really needs this job and after it comes to an end at the beginning of October who knows if she'll be able to secure another part time job easily, we are quite an overcrowded town and many of her friends are struggling to find jobs.

What would you do if you were in her position?

She needs to insist on having the appropriate training for tasks she struggles with, and to be upfront and state that she won’t to be doing tasks that require two people solo. For a start, anyway.

I would encourage her to continue to stick up for herself, keep her head down and work hard and suck it up until the end of the summer. I’d also encourage her to keep a few zingers up her sleeve to throw at him the next time he looks to shame her in front of a group. Keep in the good books of the other supervisors who can provide her with a good reference. He sounds like a dick. There’s plenty of them in the workplace. My view is that for a summer job, take the path of least resistance.

If she’s smart she will start keeping a diary where she can log dates and times and what got said. Then at the time she wants to make a complaint she has a document to pull from.

She’s needs a “paper” trail by email of requesting her training and also asking for health & safety guidelines eg for sole working on the bungee and lifting the trampolines on her own.

All the better to do it very “innocently” so any nasty responses just look bad on him.

This is a H&S issue as well though he is bullying her into doing unsafe things.

Teens need to learn that work isn’t school and get out of the ‘no telling tales’ mindset. When someone is bullying you at work you go to HR. Otherwise they get away with it and yes a culture forms.

She needs to learn to report. There is no ‘us and them’ with her and the managers against the institution. It is her vs the manager.

Agreed. I think it would also help to have it on record that she has asked for training in the tasks she's been criticised for underperforming in, and flagging that other tasks are two-person, so it's inappropriate to expect her to do them solo. It establishes her as a responsible, capable member of staff.

The training issues regarding moving heavy equipment are serious. She should remind them that in the event of her being injured due to inadequate training or lack of help or supervision she would be contacting a solicitor. Personal injury claims can prove very expensive for a company which neglects the welfare of their staff. Maybe they would like to think a little more carefully about that.

Other people will have noticed his treatment of her and other female staff members. He should definitely not have sworn at anyone via walkie-talkie. It will probably blow up in his face. My suggestion would be to keep her head down and carry on for the time being. Agree with a pp though about not doing any heavy lifting on her own, especially if she's not had formal equipment training.

Papertrail for every training issue and if she won’t do hr she needs to be bully proof. Ss she grey rocks him and never shows she gives a shit alongside naming his weaknesses like they are funny and matching his energy. ‘

Jesus that’s workplace bullying - remember before he was promoted when he wasn’t a dick?’

’ Oooh never mean to the boys are you? Aw girlfriend issues?’

Undermine him with the others at every opportunity- Ask for their help and give them a bit of flattery - ‘love doing this with you - always goes more smoothly than when x is here’ so she ends up with a pack and he will leave her alone and move on to an easier target.

I had a supervisor like this, we got on really well until she was promoted. She was the only one who applied for the job and I think that is the only reason she got the job, she was young and inexperienced. It was like the power went to her head and she became very nasty.
I made a complaint about her once which the manager seemed to take seriously and spoke to the supervisor, but this resulted in the supervisor talking to me through someone else, saying something along the lines of can you tell J to do this, I can't say anything to her she will complain about me. I didn't quit at that point or make any more complaints, I suppose like your DD, I wasn't willing to give up my job based on one nasty person. It didn't really feel like bullying because it was just the one person and I wasn't being targeted, she was that way with most of the staff. I just got the worst of it sometimes because I 'answered back'. It didn't have any serious impact on my wellbeing, it was just very frustrating. As long as your DD is at that point I think she is fine to carry on. If it does get to the point where she is feeling very upset or anxious about work she should leave.
I think she's probably right to think she can't change things with complaints. I work for a local authority now and that behaviour wouldn't be accepted, but they also wouldn't have young inexperienced people in management positions. Hospitality and leisure or small private companies are a whole different ball game and that kind of culture is accepted.

I said that to her yesterday, make notes of times and dates etc for a 'just incase scenario'.

Good idea, thanks.

I will encourage her to do this.

I totally understand that but she's just a little apprehensive as she feels the bullying may get worse or others may join in.

She needs to raise it directly with him. She can practice what she wants to say but she needs to tell him that she is unhappy with the way she is being treated by him. If he is dissatisfied with any aspect of her work performance he can escalate it to senior management and they can decide how to proceed. Otherwise, she expects to be treated with respect and professionalism, and she will do the same.

Once she has done that, she can start a paper trail to make sure it doesn't continue.

And everyone needs to stop flirting at work. It undermines her professionalism and weakens her position.

Yes it's a summer job in a holiday park but they are responsible for the health and safety of their customers, so she needs to take issues seriously.

Agree that the safety issues are serious and that DD should email the manager seeking training and not to be asked to do the relevant tasks alone, for safety. If he doesn’t reply in writing, or responds nastily in person, follow up, copied to someone senior.

Other incidents of bullying, not safety related, she could document and note who witnessed each one.

It seems unlikely she’ll be fired but if she is she could have grounds for a grievance for sex discrimination.

My advice would be to say something back, don’t be rude but be firm and she shouldn’t be afraid of him.

e.g

‘Whilst I’d love to move the trampolines single handedly Darren, I’m not the hulk. I can’t lift them alone. Apologies if that makes me thick, but I can’t turn in to the world’s strongest man.’

‘There was no need to swear at me earlier Darren.’

’Darren, I haven’t been told how to do this, so I just need you to explain without making out I’m some simpleton.

And if I was here I would just mention it to the other managers or someone who works out the rota ‘Put me on when it’s Sue, Steve or Andy. I’m not sure why but Darren seems to have a problem with me and makes my shifts a bit of a misery to be honest.

Has any of this ever happened within earshot of the public? I’d send an email as an “innocent bystander” who heard swearing and bullying from a manager to the staff, and was very concerned because my children also heard it and it’s totally unacceptable way for staff to behave. Give a description of the people involved and see if that stirs anything.

You don’t need to tell your daughter you’ve done it. It’s just a concerned parent who heard swearing and bullying whilst their kids could also hear it.

But… you really should try and get her to report this. She might be 18 but it sounds like she isn’t the sort of 18 year old we were 30 years ago. And maybe need some extra parenting to grow up, and deal with this in a professional way.

I really admire your daughters desire to deal with it her way and directly if needed. As @Moveoverdarlin said, she needs some firm come backs and I agree with all the ones already mentioned especially the "please don't swear at me" either, I find that can really take the wind out of their sails.

horrible little . I think there's two sides to this being rude and bullying to her personally and the health and safety /Lack of training Side.

I would go over his head and contact somebody above him and say can she arrange to have training for XY and Z because she's been regularly asked to do this and hasn't received training and she wants to make sure that she's fully conversant on all health and safety issues related to this. She's then got a paper trail of what she's requested and what is arranged.

Anytime he is rude or unpleasant to her personally, particularly when she is when she has witnesses -she needs to call him out on it and say is there a reason that you're speaking to me like that X? it's unprofessional and unnecessary.
and yes log every incident.

The training and manual handling issues need sorted, so she needs to speak up on those.

Otherwise, she seems to have the right attitude and be showing resilience, which I’d be encouraging. These teenage holiday jobs have always been like this. You get spoken to like crap by some jumped up manager, and it builds your resilience and your bonds with your colleagues. It’s objectively not acceptable, especially the sexist element, but unfortunately it’s a common experience and anyone higher up won’t do anything about it.

Obviously if it crosses a (further) line and becomes harassment, she makes a complaint.

This! Document everything

Sounds like an immature lad who thinks being a supervisor means barking orders at people and he needs to be put down a peg.

I would phrase it to your DD that she should go to one of the senior managers and say ‘for his development, he should really work on how he communicates and delegates tasks - here are some examples of the way he speaks to me’

This is a very idealised comment. Unfortunately, even as adults 'in the real world' etc. there isn't a magic HR fairy who can wave their wand and make everyone behave well.

The idea that HR are there to protect employees is a fallacy. They are there to protect the company. There are hundreds of cases daily where a junior employee is scapegoated in favour of a senior one, or where someone seen as awkward is just managed out.

Not to mention that not all employers are large multicorporates WITH HR departments, policies and equality and diversity teams. Many jobs are 'Dave and his dad,' 'that's how we've always done it,' and can and do get away with, if your face doesn't fit, you're out.

If anything that's a life skill she needs to learn, not the disneyfied 'Just tell someone in charge and everything will be sorted out.'

I'm not saying she should not raise it with anyone at all, ever, no matter what happens. But SHE is the one working there, who knows the culture and how easy it would be to backfill her job.

I 100% think she should definitely keep a paper trail as evidence to escalate if needed, and definitely not do anything dangerous or that she is untrained for.

But if SHE is happy to just stand up for herself for now, then encourage her to do that. Tell her to laugh inside at how pathetic he is thinking he is Mr Big Boss with his part time seasonal job in his mid 20s, picking on teenage girls if it helps.

We all deal with annoying colleagues, learning how to grey rock them and only escalate when needed is far better life experience than running to HR every time someone acts like an idiot.

Hi op it’s crap that she has to put up with this shit in her first job. It’s good she wants to stick it out and not let this bully push her out. I think this is more common than you think. I think if she’s brave enough she should say to him does it make you feel good trying to humiliate me or put me down because I don’t care. Say to him I feel sorry for any girl who ends up with you big hard man putting girls down to make yourself look like a big man when you’re just a little bully.

I think its just too stressful for her to make a complain, logs, notes..
I advised my daughter to quit when she was in similar situation. She found a new job but even if she didnt i would not mind, as beeing bullied is too much for a teen on the first job. Work is not easy but never allow kids to stay in enviroment when they are bullied and have zero leverage or support to fight it