Does anyone else struggle with their stepdaughter and feel uncomfortable admitting it?

[AnnoyedOtter]

Is there anyone out there who can’t stand their “stepdaughter” ?! Just being honest!

Don't move in together. That is all.

Yep, both awful at this age. Battled on, nothing changed. They are awful adults. Thankfully don’t have to suffer either of them now.

Just go out when she’s around as much as you can. Somehow this pissed them off even more - they wanted me to be there so they could pointedly ignore me. Really didn’t like that they no longer got the chance.

So don’t be in the relationship then. You don’t live together. There’s a lot of other men out there.

If you don’t live together and it’s causing this much drama my advice would be to leave your partner
his kids will (or should) always come first

this doesn’t sound ideal for anyone

More than welcome in our home whenever she likes so long as DH knows I will simply not be there.

She’s just very spiteful and likes to cause arguments between myself and partner.
admittedly he is rather soft on her which doesn’t help the situation. She is just a vile child at the moment.

we more or less live together but ever since we started dating, he has them at his dads every 2 weeks. (He also likes to catch up with his father) so I don’t tend to see him much those weekends anyway. I said to myself to take a step back on a kid weekend if she comes…
i have no problem with the son at all (aged 16) but she is like a devil child. So disrespectful in her Grandads house! Vapes, leaves the bedroom in A mess and that’s not all of it!

She’s 13 and vile at the moment. No respect. Doesn’t attend school, mouthy, chavvy, vapes…. She used to be a nice girl… teenager and all now but still… just a rude child!!

Thank you.

Hi yes I am new. I don't think I am in the right section with my post :(

Thanks so much.

Thank you for understanding, it is tough when you are on the receiving end of her tongue and you have done nothing wrong.

Thank you, yes she is vile. I know I AM THE ADULT as people keep saying but she is a rude, disrespectful child and no one seems to be disciplining her. I would never have spoken to adults like that as a 13 year old.

Thank you x

Why are you there? At the same time you don’t live together, but you do, he sees his kids at his dad’s, you step away from his child weekends, but you’re also on the receiving end of her comments? When does that happen?

Even if she was the worst kid in the world, she’s a product of her parenting, including your partner . HE allows her to vape, keep her room in a mess and talk to you that way. HE is the problem. She’s just a kid with no boundaries.

So what, though? She’s not you at 13. I mean, you sound a bit unhinged. Given that what you perceive as her ‘vileness’ appears to be wrecking your head, and you’re not even living together, wouldn’t it be easier just to end the relationship and remove this source of stress? She’s not going to go anywhere for quite a few years. Also, your partner has raised this ‘chavvy’, ‘mouthy’, ‘vile’, ‘vaping’ hellcat.

She sent a whatsapp to me the other day! You're right, she has no boundaries. My partner did tell her off for vaping in the Grandad's house and told her to tidy her room but he gets back chat. She honestly is a total nightmare.
her mum lets her get away with murder. there is only so much my partner can do in the little time she sees him.
The son however is great!

You cannot fall in love with a random child just because they happen to be the child of a loved partner - it does not work like that. It is something that has to be worked at - as I am sure you are OP. The important thing is not to show this feeling to the child, which I am sure you are doing; but if coming on here for a rant helps you to do that better, then that can only be good.

You know that the situation is difficult on both sides. She has not chosen this; and you have not chosen to be her step-parent. She will be sad and angry as well as dealing with puberty. It is a time for compromise on both sides and this is not a skill that comes easily to 13 year old girls ...

....talking of which ....... they are a problem in and of themselves, and a challenge to even the most loving parent. Having been through this with 3 DDs and now GDs I found that the best way to deal with verbal rudeness was to ignore this. They do not need you to tell them it is wrong, and doing so just increases the attention given to it. Just turn away, change the subject or suddenly become very busy with something else. Take every opportunity to praise them - they may be few and far between of course.

You are only human ... and you are negotiating a tricky situation. Rant on here and be calm in real life and help this lass to deal with a situation that neither of you really wanted. .

Block her. You don’t need to have any kind of relationship or communication with her. There’s no happy (blended) families in your future. Either keep it all separate until she’s an adult or end the relationship.

13 is a tough age ? I've got my own 13 year old and it's hard going.
Read about the age op and everything they are facing and help to give her support.

@Mischance that's very true ,mine is tricky I can't imagine what she would be like if she had a broken home on top and new partners to navigate !

They test boundaries and it's hard esp when the adults in their life have let them down. They don't even have that respect.

So your partner has failed her as a parent, then? You seem terribly anxious to redirect responsibility away from him. And why are you following your partner and his daughter whom you loathe to his father's house? Leave them alone, surely!

@AnnoyedOtter how did he tell her to tidy her room ? Again was it in a nagging way or a nice genuine way and what teens have a nice room anyway ?
Is that a hill to die on?

I struggle with my own daughter, and cannot stand some of her behaviours some of the time!

She's a child , a child in crisis then isn't she

Something here is not working for her and she needs all the love and support she can get
It sounds like she doesnt trust her dad anymore and feels insecure and lost.
Her behaviour is communicating this.
Id suggest her dad needs to put her first for a while and has proper quality time with her alone to try and rebuild the relationship and the trust.