Anyone after a cheap laugh at my expense?

[UnctuousUnicorns]

My parents sent us a cheque in the post, just arrived today.
DH said, "I can't pay this in via the banking app; it's too big."
I said, "But it's just a normal sized cheque, surely?"
DH: "No, the amount of money it's for is too high - you cant pay that much in online!"

D'oh! 🤦‍♀️😳 😅😅

You think I'm worrying when even pulling my pants up and down now is a major effort.... honestly, I just can't. Fathom it, I mean. I pity you, I honestly do. Yes, my world may have fallen apart, but I have a DH who's been my rock for thirty years, cooked, washed and cleaned, emptied my commode, helped me in and out of the car and driven me to appointments, installed ramps, handrails etc. to enable me to navigate this new life...so although my life is tough now, I'm blessed compared to some people. I ask nothing from anyone here; I'm just enjoying the tales of daftness to match my own, and appreciating the lovely words. If this thread isn't for you, you know where the exit is...🤷‍♀️

Sweet Jesus christ 🙄

Oh, and I'm truly sorry that you don't have loving, supportive parents like I do. At least, I can only imagine that you don't, going by how bitter and sneering you're being on this thread. 🤷‍♀️

You're correct you have no idea...

ODFOD

OP’s circumstances are not relevant to the point of the thread and she really doesn’t need to explain anything to you or that previous nasty poster.

It’s just a funny, lighthearted thread. Or was until you came along. Miss Misery Knickers

I was enjoying the confessions of all us dafties.
Keep em coming.

😂😂😂

Turned up at the vets a day early last week. They were fully booked and couldn't squeeze me in. Cat was not impressed at having to go back again the following day.

There's always one on every thread.......congrats, you're it! 🤦🏼‍♂️

im loving this thread, thanks OP! It’s really given me a chuckle tonight ❤️

Just remembered another! Showing my age as this happened just last weekend!

Youngest DD is very into Digital Circus (if you know what that means, I send you fellowship. If you dont then dont ask and be grateful). Got woken up at midnight to her insisting I book tickets as they has just been released and they might sell out. In the end I did it as I knew it meant a lot and she would worry all night about not getting tickets if I waited until morning. In her defence I had promised on my honour I would book them as soon as they came out.

Booked for 4 June. Sorted, arranged time off work, no problem. Except I booked 4 May (so BHM) off, and dont even need to book time off in June as now she is going with her mate and not me (result!). Sorted that. Then she asked who was taking her and her friend, me or my friend (his mother), and I said I didnt know and it didnt matter just yet as we have two months to sort it out. She was taken aback and I said "Well it isnt until July".

I got a look and I suspect my GP got an email.......

Is he worried it is going to pay down the overdraft if you have one?

Have you got a dressing stick? They can be used to pull up your pants.

Also a plastic bag (the type shops used to give you ) on a car seat. Put the bag on the seat, sit down wth your body at 90 degrees to the windscreen. Now move or get your DH to move your legs in to the car and you move your body around.

OK ready for a good laugh?

I was working in Stoke-on- Trent. I live in Wolverhampton. I got to the station and I had my hand on the first class lounge door where I was going to get a drink, but the train to London was boarding so I decided to get on that.

I was offered a glass of wine and a cheese and pickle sandwich. I said I probably didn't have time, I was getting off soon.

That's when I discovered that train doesn't stop again before Euston.

Instead of the glass of wine the guard passed me a bottle. I have to say I was well looked after, and it was the same train going back as far as Birmingham.

Many years ago we had a power cut. After deciding I couldn’t listen to the radio or brew up I decided I’d hoover the dining room. My husband moved all the dining chairs out of the way after looking at me a bit odd. I only realised as I was about to plug the hoover in.

DH found my glasses nicely chilled in the fridge

I usually use a kindle. Occasionally, when reading an actual book , I not only touch a page expecting it to turn over to the next page but have touched a word expecting the dictionary explanation of it to appear 😂

On my first outing in the car with PFB. Went to big Tesco. First time using car seat and first time using trolley with baby seat. First time in parent parking space. Navigated all of that and managed to get a big shop.
Managed to strap PFB back into car seat and drive home safely. Phew.
Then about an hour later realised I’d left the trolley of a week’s shopping in the car park.

Did you get it back or was it all gone?

I’m a rare talent when it comes to ‘frantically turning the house upside down trying to find the earphones that are currently in your ears.’

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

When dc 3 was a few months old I took dcs 1& 2 for pizza one day. I breastfed dc3 while sorting out the others and feeding myself. On the walk home the crumbs in my bra were just too irritating, so I faced away from the busy road, flipped my top up, unclipped the bra cups, and shook it all out. Then I looked up. I was facing the massive window of an estate agent. It was one of those freeze-frame moments. Then I realised that, no, everybody in there IS frozen.

I walked the long way home for several years after.

Friday just gone I was at a clients house and they asked me to shut the dog in the downstairs toilet while the Sainsbury's order was brought in. I shut him in, opened the door for the delivery, then said 'I'll just use your loo' and opened the toilet door 🤦‍♀️ literally half a second after I shut it! Little dog made a run for it but luckily the delivery man caught him. I do worry about my memory.

Not everyone thinks like you

Making scrambled eggs this week for lunch , moved the food waste bin nearer the hob for the eggshells so I wouldn’t drop egg white everywhere. Started by cracking the first egg straight into the food bin …

This was my first thought too