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Original poster

Anyone work in funeral care? Advice before applying for a new job

49 replies

Adviceonnewjob · 02/09/2025 16:55

Im looking for a job and ive seen one advertised in my local area for a funeral arranger, I reckon I could do it but I have questions.

Ive obviously seen dead bodies when relatives have passed away but not handled any and the job description does say that this will probably be included in the job.

I think i could do this and be good at it but I have lots of questions and no one to ask.

When my mum died, the company we used were really helpful and lovely and its the same company who are advertising and I think I could really help families through the funeral process and ensure the day runs as smoothly as possible for them.

It says full training will be given etc but on the whole, how do you deal with continually dealing with death? What's the hardest part? What did you do when you first had to deal with a child? How do you switch off from it?

Im aware this does sound like an odd post but im genuinely interested to hear from people who work in funeral care and hear advice.

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Adviceonnewjob · 02/09/2025 17:11

TheHillsIsLonely · 02/09/2025 17:05

Thank you 😊

OP posts:
SparklyGlitterballs · 02/09/2025 17:47

That second thread was mine OP (name change regularly). Feel free to ask anything.

To address some of what you've already asked:

How do you deal with continually dealing with death?
Try to look at it as helping people. You are helping people deal with one of the most difficult things in their life, and every arrangement will be different and slightly unique in some way. You are a guide, there to offer care and empathy and to present families with information and choices in a gentle way. If I'd had £1 for every time someone had knocked on my door and said "I don't know what I have to do" then I'd have been rich!

What's the hardest part?
When loved ones come in and get very emotional. You have to be supportive and kind and approachable, but at the same time remain detached. I personally found the meeting with families relatively easy. I was taking gentle control of a situation and going through a set process of questions and form filling. It's best if you can develop a rapport and turn it into a conversation rather than just a Q&A session. I'd always start by settling the family in and then asking them "If it's not too difficult for you, please tell me about your mum/dad/grandparent etc. I explained that we treated every deceased as an individual and it helped us if we knew what the person was like, their hobbies, interests, character. Most people want to talk and it breaks the awkwardness. Also, It's different from dealing with the death of your own loved ones. I think the first time I got upset it was after a family had left. The deceased was relatively young - in her 40s - and her husband had given me his music choices. When booking the music for the crem I'd go on to a system and play an excerpt to make sure it was the right track. One of his pieces was their first dance wedding music and it just really got to me.

What did you do when you first had to deal with a child?
Children and babies are difficult, and it's very sad to see them, there's no doubt about that. I think the first time I was faced with a baby I just stared at them for a while (in private, obvs) as they looked so perfect and it was hard to believe they weren't alive. Again, you have to just pull on your "professional" hat. The family wants you to reassure them and comfort them and you'll be surprised at how you are able to manage the situation.

How do you switch off from it?
I'm not sure you ever switch off 100% When I left the funeral home at the end of each day I'd make a point of saying goodnight to anyone who was in our care. Once you get settled in though you will be able to switch into your 'not at work' mode just like any other job.

Honestly, it was the most rewarding job I've ever done. It's more a vocation actually.

Original poster
Adviceonnewjob · 02/09/2025 22:18

@SparklyGlitterballs thank you so much for this.

Ive been reading my way through your other thread and you come across as so kind, compassionate and professional.

Im going to fill in the application tomorrow once ive packed the kids off to school.

I guess my main concern is crying in front of grieving families, I cry at everything, films, eastenders, sappy crap on fb. But other times I can be resilient when I need to be, if that makes sense.

Thank you once again for this, mumsnet at its best!

OP posts:
SparklyGlitterballs · 03/09/2025 07:29

Adviceonnewjob · 02/09/2025 22:18

@SparklyGlitterballs thank you so much for this.

Ive been reading my way through your other thread and you come across as so kind, compassionate and professional.

Im going to fill in the application tomorrow once ive packed the kids off to school.

I guess my main concern is crying in front of grieving families, I cry at everything, films, eastenders, sappy crap on fb. But other times I can be resilient when I need to be, if that makes sense.

Thank you once again for this, mumsnet at its best!

Believe it or not OP, I'm a "heart on my sleeve" type of person and can generally cry easily. Somehow I am able to control that in a work situation though. Hopefully you'll be the same too.

Definitely go for it. I spent many, many years in a dull corporate office job and when I started as a funeral arranger it was like I found myself. The salary is pretty rubbish (and hugely less than I was earning before), but it was honestly the most rewarding thing I've ever done. I think you'll love it.

Original poster
Adviceonnewjob · 03/09/2025 07:43

@SparklyGlitterballs thanks and it will be more than im on now as a sahm! But now the kids are both in school, I just want to get back to work and I think I could really do this!!

Ill let you know how I get on!

OP posts:
spoofyuser · 03/09/2025 07:48

OP, ‘Stacey Dooley at the undertakers’ is on BBC Player at the moment. It’s a really respectful look at what it’s like working in that industry.

I don’t work specifically in funeral care but my work means I’m sometimes with people in traumatic bereavement situations. I definitely see it as a privilege - you’re with people often at their most vulnerable and if there’s a way I can make that just a little bit easier, then it’s a privilege to do that.

Original poster
Adviceonnewjob · 03/09/2025 11:17

spoofyuser · 03/09/2025 07:48

OP, ‘Stacey Dooley at the undertakers’ is on BBC Player at the moment. It’s a really respectful look at what it’s like working in that industry.

I don’t work specifically in funeral care but my work means I’m sometimes with people in traumatic bereavement situations. I definitely see it as a privilege - you’re with people often at their most vulnerable and if there’s a way I can make that just a little bit easier, then it’s a privilege to do that.

Thank you! Ill watch that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Adviceonnewjob · 03/09/2025 18:22

I applied for the job today.

The conformation email said it will be a couple of weeks until I hear anything so fingers crossed!!

Thank you all for your help and advice

OP posts:
Original poster
Adviceonnewjob · 11/09/2025 10:22

So ive been contacted to book in a phone call to have chat. Its not an interview though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Adviceonnewjob · 12/09/2025 16:18

The chat went well, I think. I was a bit nervous but I managed to speak easily to the lady on the phone. She said I would find out early next week if ive been selected for an interview.

She did say that I would be expected to help prepare the deceased for viewings, help with make up and add and remove jewellery which was probably a little bit more than what I expected and obviously, that would include babies and children. That's whats worrying me the most but no point worrying about it now.

OP posts:
PearlsPearl · 12/09/2025 20:02

Hi OP, thanks for this thread. I've been considering it for a while too, I feel I could do it and a job has come up locally that I'm agonising over applying for. I worry though as I cry at everything and I don't know if I could remain detached when seeing others cry.

Anyway best of luck to you! I hope you get an interview. I'll watch this thread for updates.

Original poster
Adviceonnewjob · 20/09/2025 16:57

Ive got an interview!! 🎉🎉

And now im freaking out over that!! Its a hour and a half long interview 😱😱😱 and all about behavioural/situation kind of questions!!

Bricking it!! Im not great at selling myself if you know what I mean.

And not feeling great about myself right now as I went for another job, which i have 10 years solid experience in, and didnt get it!! 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Adviceonnewjob · 20/09/2025 16:59

PearlsPearl · 12/09/2025 20:02

Hi OP, thanks for this thread. I've been considering it for a while too, I feel I could do it and a job has come up locally that I'm agonising over applying for. I worry though as I cry at everything and I don't know if I could remain detached when seeing others cry.

Anyway best of luck to you! I hope you get an interview. I'll watch this thread for updates.

Any progress for you?

I hope were not going for the same job! 🙈

OP posts:
PearlsPearl · 20/09/2025 20:23

Hahaha no don’t worry 😉 I decided not to go for it. I am too much of a crier and that wouldn’t be appropriate. I’m going to work on it and see for the future.

Best of luck for the interview, I have everything crossed for you!!

Original poster
Adviceonnewjob · 25/09/2025 17:52

Just a quick update...

The interview went really well, I think i answered all their questions fully, drawing on all my previous job experiences etc. It was almost like a casual chat with some specific questions thrown in.

Then there was a quick little test at the end of tallying up an invoice correctly and correcting the errors in a letter sent to a customer which I completed both within about 6 minutes. They left me alone to do them and was surprised at how quickly I came to get them so hopefully thats a good sign. And, yes, I double checked them!

I was really chatty to both the funeral arranger that were in reception and I also remembered to ask where should I take my empty glass at the end of the interview as apparently, some people set that as a test too.

So ive left there feeling really hopeful.

I find out on Monday so I will update you.

Thank you so much for your help and advice!

🤞🤞

OP posts:
PearlsPearl · 25/09/2025 18:01

I have everything crossed for you 💖

Original poster
Adviceonnewjob · 26/09/2025 10:36

PearlsPearl · 25/09/2025 18:01

I have everything crossed for you 💖

Thank you!! ❤️

OP posts:
SparklyGlitterballs · 29/09/2025 23:02

I hadn't seen these updates previously. I hope you had good news today OP 🤞🏻

booksnpepsimax · 30/09/2025 04:49

Fingers crossed you got good news

Empress13 · 30/09/2025 05:02

How did it go OP ? Hope you got the job

Original poster
Adviceonnewjob · 01/10/2025 07:48

I haven't heard anything yet! 😕

I emailed the lady from the resource team that I had the initial conversation with asking if the position has been filled and she said she hadn't heard from the manager yet.

So I dont know if thats a good thing or not.

🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
PearlsPearl · 01/10/2025 08:03

She would know if it had I’m sure. Keep the faith!

Original poster
Adviceonnewjob · 01/10/2025 17:32

I got it!!! 🎊🎊🎊🥂🥂🥂

So relieved but also running through the thousand things I now need to organise 😱😬🤣

Thank you all for your advice and support!! ❤️❤️❤️

OP posts:
PearlsPearl · 01/10/2025 18:58

I am honestly so happy for you, internet stranger! I really hope this is the start of a wonderful career for you. Well done- celebrate xxx