Anyone work in funeral care? Advice before applying for a new job

[Adviceonnewjob]

Im looking for a job and ive seen one advertised in my local area for a funeral arranger, I reckon I could do it but I have questions.

Ive obviously seen dead bodies when relatives have passed away but not handled any and the job description does say that this will probably be included in the job.

I think i could do this and be good at it but I have lots of questions and no one to ask.

When my mum died, the company we used were really helpful and lovely and its the same company who are advertising and I think I could really help families through the funeral process and ensure the day runs as smoothly as possible for them.

It says full training will be given etc but on the whole, how do you deal with continually dealing with death? What's the hardest part? What did you do when you first had to deal with a child? How do you switch off from it?

Im aware this does sound like an odd post but im genuinely interested to hear from people who work in funeral care and hear advice.

Thank you

Thank you fellow Internet stranger! 🤣🤣

I do hope so ❤️

Awesome-well done. I hope your new job brings lots of fulfilment and happiness for you

Congratulations OP. You'll love this job I'm sure. I spent many years feeling unfulfilled in a corporate job and when I became a funeral arranger it was like I'd found my calling. It's so rewarding.

💥🎉 well done op

Brilliant news, well done OP!

Brilliant news! Congratulations! I hope you love and thrive in your new career.

So pleased for you

Just read the whole thread - congratulations!! What a special and rewarding role. Best of luck with it all.

Congratulations, OP.

I’ve only just found this thread, but earlier you said you were worried about crying in front of grieving families. I am hopeless at that, I tear up at so many situations. However, someone I know who is a GP taught me this - I have mentioned it on MN before.

When you feel the tears coming, push the tip of your tongue hard against the top of your mouth, just behind your centre front teeth. I have no idea why it works, but it does. Try it.

A friend of mine started working as a funeral director during Covid, as his normal job had disappeared. It’s really an essential part of him now, and I think he’s very good at it. I hope you find it suits you just as well as it does him.

Sorry OP, I don't want to hijack your post 😅 Just a quick question to @SparklyGlitterballs: I've considered applying for a similar job, but I have concerns about the amount of standing, as standing causes pain in my legs. I don't have any mobility issues; it's just the standing that's problematic. Thoughts? 🙏

Edit: apologies, I can't remove the long quote 😔

Congratulations 🥳

Yay @Adviceonnewjob that is amazing, well done! Another wee internet stanger sends you a hug 🤗.

All the best for your new job, and just think how valuable you'll be to people in the not too distant future. They'll remembering your kindness, professionalism and how you helped guide them through a very stressful and upsetting situation.

(And how kind you are too @SparklyGlitterballs for giving the OP so much of your time and encouragement.)

Honestly, the majority of the work is done sitting down - meeting with families, completing paperwork, booking music, setting up memorial pages, booking crems/churches/celebrants etc. There will be some standing to attend to deceased, but really not much at all.

@SparklyGlitterballs

Thanks, that's helpful to know! 😊 I'm especially mindful in this role, since standing is often perceived as a sign of respect. Choosing not to stand, even due to health struggles, might be seen as disrespectful

Hi @Adviceonnewjob - congratulations! Have you started yet? How's it going so far? I've recently applied for the same role but haven't reached the interview stage yet.

Thank you.

Ill be starting next month.

So its been a whole week since I started!!

The first couple of days were ludicrous, I was kept waiting around for ages to get set up with all the laptop, log ins etc so that was really tedious! So I just read through lots of material on display and spoke to people where I could.

My line manager showed me around on the first day so by 10am, I'd been shown into the embalming room where there were 2 uncovered bodies there. Then I got shown into the cold unit where there was probably around 40 bodies that were covered up.
I also helped to get a body ready in the chapel for a family viewing and had to handle that one too.

So, I didnt bolt, I felt ok.

I also thought it was lovely that my boss knocked on the viewing rooms' doors before we entered whilst he showed me around.

Towards the end of the week, ive been placed with someone who is actually training me and ive meet 3 families that have come in to arrange funerals and ive been ok with that too, I didnt cry or felt like I was going to.

Ive had some conversations with my trainer about my experiences with death which have made me well up and she was really understanding. I asked her about how she has dealt with situations, not crying in front of families etc and she said that she has teared up in front of families, not full on sobbed, but its been ok.
She said she has full on sobbed in private once or twice once a family have left which I think is fine, we're all human.

So overall, all good! I'm enjoying it, the people are lovely, its a lot of info to take in but it's fascinating and im enjoying it!!

So, yay!!

Oh and no really bad smells yet!
My trainer and I had a really good discussion about that too and she said it something you get used but sometimes it can be overbearing so essential oils in the coffin can help, lavender is good and some vicks under your nose.

So only time will tell on that one!

@Adviceonnewjob Lovely to hear it's going well ☺️

Vicks under the nose and a strong mint/aniseed in your mouth is what I used to do in care work sometimes
it really does help

Sounds like you're settling in well @Adviceonnewjob !

I also got my funeral arranger job. 🥳 really looking forward to starting in a couple of weeks. So useful to hear your experiences of your first week!

Can I ask, did your workplace provide you with a uniform? It hasn't been mentioned to me. I have a good selection of black work-appropriate clothing (dresses, trousers and blouses) but not an actual suit. Obviously the funeral directors wear a uniform but I haven't seen anything about the arranger role.

Thanks for updating this thread!

Well done!

I have had to order uniforms, but I'm currently just wearing my own smart, black dresses, I got a couple more from matalan just to tide me over.

Wearing tights every day is new! 🤣

I grew up in a funeral home! Death was around me from day 1! I actually have a very positive outlook on death in so much as, it’s going to happen to us all so we may as well try and enjoy life as much as we can. Death doesn’t frighten me. I think what it has done is reaffirmed my absolute belief that there is god or afterlife or any before/after. Death is death to me.

But surely you realise that your situation is quite unique? Not everyone has grown up in a funeral home.

Whilst I admire your bravado around death and not being frightened of it, that wasn't what I was asking about, was it? I never said I was frightened of death.

Today, I had a lady in and we prepared her for a viewing, I was actually fine with that, handling the dead body.

What actually knocked me for six was the emotional reaction I had to showing her daughter in to see her. Her daughter cried tears of relief to see her mum looking so peaceful because it was apparently, quite a traumatic chocking death. What got to me was the emotion and trying to mask my own emotional reaction in front of a grieving relative.

Thats what my whole thread has pretty much been about but thank you for breezing through with your words of wisdom and missing the point completely, its touching, thank you.