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Original poster

Do you ever feel like you're not a nice person?

76 replies

losenotloose · 26/03/2023 15:08

I don't treat people badly and I'm considerate but I'm also judgemental, harsh and can be negative. I have some horrible habits which seem to be getting worse with age (being overly critical of people behind their backs). I'm determined to work on it as I don't like myself very much at the moment and feel terrible that my dc have seen this side of me.

It would be nice to hear other people are flawed and not just me!

OP posts:
JaneFondue · 26/03/2023 15:11

I am not sure I want to be a nice person. Mostly, when I am nice, it has allowed people to walk all over me.

Original poster
losenotloose · 26/03/2023 15:16

I get what you're saying but I'm not feeling good about myself. Regardless of anyone else I know my mentality isn't positive at the moment. I'm not being a good role model for my dc which bothers me.

OP posts:
Jux · 26/03/2023 15:18

All the time!

MissLucyLiu · 26/03/2023 15:20

Aww OP the fact you recognise maybe you are not always the nicest is already amazing. But that is not to say all of us don't have something to work on; because we all do.

I got a 'Resting B Face' and unfortunately I was born with it. Whilst at work a lot of people are quite scared of me but I am the type of person who takes a while to warm up to strangers as I am there to work /make money and go home. I am not really at work to make friends... But I realised I have to play the office politics a bit which is a bit annoying.

One thing really helped which is really LEFT FIELD, I got Botox injection in my frown line! Apparently I look less ANGRY ! I frown whenever I focus on work so maybe that helps!

Did someone recently commented on something that made you feel like you want to change?

MoiraIsACow · 26/03/2023 15:22

I’m a total cow.

Daffodilsandbeer · 26/03/2023 15:22

What do you mean your children have seen this side of you? Have you been bad mouthing folks behind their backs in front of them?

Findyourneutralspace · 26/03/2023 15:24

I don’t like myself much. Other people seem to so I can’t be that awful but I hold a pretty low opinion of myself. I’m not sure why really and I wish I knew how to change it, but short of being 100% perfect 100% of the time (which is an impossibility) I’m a bit stuck.

I’m sure you aren’t as not nice as you think you are. The fact you care about it suggests you’re not awful. Awful people couldn’t care less.

Original poster
losenotloose · 26/03/2023 15:30

@MissLucyLiu thanks. No one has commented it's just something I've always been aware of but feel like it's become a really ingrained habit. And I know it's unpleasant!

@Daffodilsandbeer unfortunately yes. I talk like this to dh

OP posts:
LadyOfTheCanyon · 26/03/2023 15:44

I'm not particularly nice, especially in my head. I'm very critical of other people and their endless mediocrity and dullness. I work in retail and the years of dealing with other people's stupidity has really ground me down.

I also work directly in an area with a huge homeless and drug problem. Rubbing up against the daily reality of shoplifters, dealers, crackheads, sex workers, beggars, people with severe mental health trauma etc can be unbelievably wearing. I talk a good game about how sad it is and about the lack of provision in social care, when I absolutely wouldn't care if they all fell off the edge of a cliff. In fact sometimes I fantasise about it.

Whilst I would say I don't suffer fools gladly, It's not the same as "I tell it like it is." I'm quite duplicitous in that I come across as utterly reasonable in conversation, but most of the time I'm judging hard.

I'd say I'm reasonably comfortable with how I am and suspect there are a lot of people like me but who aren't quite as honest with themselves about their own character.

Original poster
losenotloose · 26/03/2023 15:48

@LadyOfTheCanyon I really relate to this! I know the right things to say but actually don't care about most things. Life's not fair unfortunately. I do try my best for people and will go out of my way to help, but I also think nothing will change and what's the point of it all. I'm a bit of a nihilist. But I feel bad about it, like I'm missing a piece of my humanity if that makes sense?

OP posts:
Original poster
losenotloose · 26/03/2023 15:50

And I'm envious of people who have more than me. God, I'm horrible 😫

OP posts:
Ilovecrumpetseveryday · 26/03/2023 15:54

I’m not very nice. I struggle to be happy for people, I hate the thought of someone doing or having something better than me. It’s stupid because I lead a perfectly lovely life with nice things.

I sometimes say things that can come as dig and then think god I’m awful why can’t I keep that to myself. I do try to be a better person. Other people just seem to be genuinely lovely.

TakeMyStrongHand · 26/03/2023 15:56

I'm really fucking nice and would help anyone but have grown incredibly intolerant or peoples bullshit. Probably because it's always been taken advantage of.

EddieHoweisMYmanager · 26/03/2023 16:02

I could definitely be a nicer person but tbh I can’t be arsed most of the time. I’m nice to those I care about and make the effort to be a decent person to them. I’m also superficially friendly and nice to new people, I don’t go out of my way to make people feel uncomfortable but yes I can be bitchy and a bit of a gossip but I think if most people are honest then they’d say they’re capable of similar.

hippyroses · 26/03/2023 16:04

Same as you , OP. Same also as @JaneFondue I don't want to be 'nice'

SallyWD · 26/03/2023 16:05

I think I generally am nice but that's not to say I don't have plenty of mean thoughts about people. I do have a compassion too.

squashyhat · 26/03/2023 16:08

I hope nobody would describe me as nice. It's such a meh word. Fun (sometimes) maybe, good sense of humour and and intelligent (hopefully), and I can be kind if I think about it. Apart from that I really don't care.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 26/03/2023 16:08

@losenotloose

I get what you say about being a nihilist, I feel a bit that way too. I couldn't give a shit about a lot of things apart those that affect my nearest and dearest. Although that said, I do care quite a lot about basic things that affect us all like housing, utilities, education and so on as I'm quite a rabid socialist.

I sometimes think I need to get off MN for a bit as I tend to hate-read a lot of threads where posters are being idiotic, or follow a thread just to see if it will pan out the way I predicted, rather than from any sense of genuine involvement in the OPs predicament.

Barelyable · 26/03/2023 16:09

I think I'm a bit like this too. So many people I know and am friends with that secretly I wouldnt care less if I never saw again.
I know I'm not devoid of emotion as I get seriously upset when I see anything about animal cruelty but humans??? Meh...

I've been told I come across as friendly and am likeable. Inside I'm like a serial killer. (Haven't actually been violent FTAOD 🤣)

Alighttouchonthetiller · 26/03/2023 16:09

I'm the same, OP. People are just bloody irritating. And you can't tell them to their faces (despite what the keyboard warriors on here will tell you) because you have to work/socialise with them. I used to be much nicer, but these days people just piss me off all the time.

Sasha07 · 26/03/2023 16:15

I became self aware of speaking about people behind their backs years ago. It was after reading something along the lines of 'if the words you spoke appeared on your skin, would you still be beautiful.'

I still do talk about people. But more in an observational way than a bitchy, insecure way. Not to drag the other person down and twist anything, just to get something off my chest if I'm frustrated etc.

Unfortunately I have resting nice-girl-next-door face so being nice along with it makes me seem more likely to be the talked about than the talking about.

Babyroobs · 26/03/2023 16:20

I used to be lovely when I was younger but life seems to have turned me into a not so nice person. I have to be exceptionally nice and caring in my job all day even when people do nothing to help themselves and are being completely unreasonable so I do offload to work collogues as they do too as they get fed up too . I must seem nice and approachable though as people frequently open up to me, tell me all their troubles, start talking to me on the bus etc !

DimplesToadfoot · 26/03/2023 16:32

All the time, I had it drummed into me that I was born evil and that I ruin peoples lives, I don't know what I did that was so wrong, no matter how much I try to be nice and kind I just can't shake that in truth I'm evil

Singingtherapy · 26/03/2023 16:38

I'm not particularly nice but I hide it well so no one knows. My behaviour's fine. My thoughts on the other hand .... 😂

Daffodilsandbeer · 26/03/2023 16:42

losenotloose · 26/03/2023 15:50

And I'm envious of people who have more than me. God, I'm horrible 😫

Do you then bad mouth them behind their backs as well?