I'll be drenched in Arpege, will slap on some base and make sure I cut my fringe with the kitchen scissors to get the authentic bacon-y smell.
(Don't know how I'll heave my nine and a half stone bulk around while doing that though)
My bosom will be jacked up and my waist will be cinched in and, if there's time, I'll have my hair streaked and set in Medusa-like curls.