Ideas on how to keep birds out of tree

[m1s]

We have quite a tall silver birch in our garden. Don't have the funds to have it removed at the minute.
Any ideas on how we can deter birds from using our tree?

Why?

Oh god you’re going to say because they shit on your astroturf, aren’t you?

Why do you want it removed? Why no birds?

Good luck with that one!

Pesky birds, sitting in YOUR tree. I'd recommend shooting them OP. They deserve it for their outrageous behaviour.

Dunno, but if you find a method let me know and I can tell our neighbour who complains regularly that pigeons sit in one of our trees in our own garden.

Attach a sparrowhawk

Why would you want to remove it? We need more trees, not fewer. Birds need somewhere to roost and nest.

Why?

Thanks for the much-needed laugh when I read the thread title!

Yes, I was hoping it was for a laugh but not sure now...

I just don't know where to start with this one.

I’ve heard it all now!! 😩

Read ‘The Twits’ by Roald Dahl 😉

To be fair to the op, if there are lots of birds (such as a large flock of starlings) who've taken to using the tree, they really can make a massive disgusting mess of the area below the tree.

My neighbour over feeds two extremely fat wood pigeons that then sit on my fence and shit their bodyweight out down the length of the fence.

OP there are reflective things you can hang in the tree that might work.

Designate your whole garden a no fly zone, that should do it

You don't want birds in trees

okaayyyyyy

I suggest therapy.

I assumed from the title it's because the OP has cats so wants to deter the birds...

Very curious about the actual reason now given some of these responses!

Cut the tree and pave over the garden

Or move to a flat?

Or stand by the tree for s few hours a day banging against it and shouting raaaaaaah at any birds

Birds are lovely. Get some feeders and enjoy watching them.

Presumably the OP wants everyone else out of their tree, just as she is.

It’s a reverse isn’t it? You’re the birds and you’re being harassed by some dafty who thinks it’s their tree.

Do they have a washing line?

We have a buzzard who roosts in our trees and an owl that sits on the velum above the bed calling all night. We have tried talking to them but have resorted to section 21 order being issued. It’s very expensive but it has been the only way to deal with this.

Yep some glue and a brush and op will be well away….! 😆

Take their batteries out 😉

Shotgun, or the less bloody way, a birdscarer. Either way, don't forget your ear defenders.

😂 I like the suggestion of standing next to the tree and shouting rah. I'll try that thanks!
Also didn't realise how stupid the title sounds 🙄

The garden seems to have turned into a shitting ground and I have a young child and dog (who is walking all over the poo and then walking it into the house - not so much an issue as check his paws when he comes in). The poo is completely unavoidable in the garden and there are big piles of it. Lived here for 4 years and it's never been this bad before. Never minded the odd few poos in the past, we would just clean it up but it's going to be close to unmanageable for when my DC goes outside when the weather gets nicer.
Not asking to kill the birds and ideally don't want to remove it because we actually like it. There are literally hundreds of trees surrounding us. Just seeing if we can encourage them to use another tree but I guess not by some of your responses 😬 I'm not a bad person I promise