To think it's not unreasonable to expect a best friend to say have a nice holiday?

[Zesty291]

I've been having friendship issues with my 'best' friend for a while now. I basically think she's trying to ghost me but after 30 years of friendship I'm not going easily (ie.i keep getting in touch and she replies with the absolute minimum).

3 years ago DH and I booked a once in a life time holiday with the DC. It was delayed due to covid but its finally come around.

I've had some well wishes off colleagues, family members and friends. Just the normal 'have a lovely trip, look forward to hearing about it when you're back, safe travels etc' just standard niceties.

Radio silence off my friend.

That's not 'normal' is it?

I should add she has nothing particularly stressful, preoccupying going on in her life.

Are you sure she's OK?

If you're sure she no longer wants to be friends I can't understand why you'd persevere?

Why are you continuing to pressure her into contact? Have some self respect and let her go.

I wouldn't take it personally. My best friend in the whole world went on a holiday that she had been talking about for months and I completely forgot about it until I saw her pics on fb!! I love that girl more than some of my own flesh and blood, but she knows that I just get caught up in my life/family - it's not because I don't care xx

Could it be that you're overbearing, pushy, can't take a hint and generally think everything revolves around you? Because that's what I felt just from reading your post

Why on earth would you force someone to be your friend if you know they've had enough?

Why are you harassing her? Have some respect for yourself and let her go

Eh?
I don't get your perspective at all.
If a friend of mine goes on a holiday I always enjoy some photos sent on WhatsApp or Facebook and reply with "looks lovely" or whatever, I wouldn't think I'd be expected to praise them in advance for their trip or anything.

Anyway. Sounds like you feel the friendship has cooled, so maybe it has or maybe your expectations are off?

I basically think she's trying to ghost me but after 30 years of friendship I'm not going easily

You sound like a stalker.

Why on earth should anyone else comment on your holiday? You sound like you want to make a drama and find offence with literally nothing.

Wow! I'd forgotten how nasty MN can be at times!

I'm not pushy and I'm certainly not harrasing her, I'm not over bearing or self centred either.

I'm just missing my best friend, I'm confused and hurt. This ghosting business is obviously a process, it doesn't happen instantly and I'm right in the middle of it.

A friendship of 30 years doesn't just end over night when the party who's being ghosted has done nothing wrong.

You sound like hard work. Possibly why she’s trying to ghost you. Take a hint!

Why on earth would you expect other people to be so invested in you going on your jollibobs, FGS?!

If you’re as self-absorbed about other things as you’ve been about this then I think you’ve got your answer as to why your friend has tried to distance herself.
Do her (and you) a favour and go your separate ways: you off on your ‘trip of a lifetime’ and she into a future free of this drama.

I'm not sure why you'd expect anyone to specifically wish you a good holiday. Unless you happen to have seen them a day or two before?

Really unnecessarily cruel comments on here.

I do wish people would reply with a bit more kindness. You have no idea what the people on the other side of these posts are going through.

You can kindly say its time to move on from a friendship without attacking someone's personality (wrongly I might add!).

I've had 2 years of cancer treatment. My dad is terminally ill. I'm losing my best friend. I'm trying to judge what a 'normal' response from a friend would be. I'm not a stalker, I'm not hard work. I'm just trying to figure this out.

Kindly, let her go. And I say that as one ghosted in a very close long term friendship.

People are being really unkind to you on here OP.

Maybe set the holiday thing aside and think about why the friendship could be cooling. How you feel about it, and how you can bring it up with your friend to see if it can be salvaged.

Good luck x

I wouldn’t think to contact someone to wish them well for their holidays. There may be a lot of other stuff in the friendship changing but I find that example odd.

Kindly, I don’t think you can figure it out, OP.

At least, not without coming straight out and asking her.

I will be honest, and say sometimes I have forgotten other people’s holiday schedules. I do try to get in touch with good friends to wish them bon voyage - but I will readily admit, I have probably forgotten sometimes.

But clearly - this really, really is not about her not wishing you a good holiday. Is it? That’s just the symptom of a much wider issue.

Honestly I wouldn’t be bothered about the holiday wishes. I don’t remember when anyone goes on holiday, but would like to think I’m caring about other stuff. If they’re not doing that, and it’s bothering you, then maybe have a chat with them.

YABU to expect her to get in touch specifically to wish you a nice holiday. Who does that? If you'd mentioned it face to face then maybe it's something that would be said in parting for something to say (I say it to colleagues if ymtheyre going on leave).
YANBU to be upset about the end of your friendship. Some people can't deal with other people having hard stuff going on.

You've posted about this before? If not there's a very similar story a couple of days ago...

Op l always text me best friend to have a nice holiday.

Sorry to hear you have had a tough couple of years, l hope your health is OK now?

Could it be that your friend struggles to support you through your cancer treatment and the loss of your dad? I have a friend who has had her fair share of bad luck but sometimes l don't have the capacity to support her as much as she needs.

I hope you have a wonderful trip - do you want to tell us where you are off to? Xx

Have you talked to your friend about what you've gone through?
I ask because it can be really difficult for the person on the receiving end to deal with, obviously less so than you dealing with it all, but it's perfectly reasonable to back off from an emotionally draining person for your MH and you don't know what else she has going on. I've had to cut off people because I just couldn't handle the constant emotional needs.

Or have you tried just asking her if there's an issue? If the friendship is that important to you ask rather than hounding.

It would never even occur to me to wish someone a nice holiday, best friend or otherwise, so I’d let that go. It isn’t a thing.

In terms of your friendship more generally, I think you have to accept that if you’re doing all the initiating these days and getting the bare minimum in response, she isn’t that bothered about maintaining the friendship and a friendship can’t survive unless both parties want it. How about not contacting her for a while and wait to see if she contacts you. If she never does, then you have your answer.

I'm trying to judge what a 'normal' response from a friend would be.

Honestly OP, what difference does it make? You no she is trying to wind down your friendship, so this is normal for were your friendship is at. Stop tying yourself in knots about it or itl put a dampener on your holiday. Sad as it is you can’t make her be your friend regardless of wether or not you ‘go easily’

For the record I wouldn’t contact a friend specifically to say have a nice holiday, just not how my friendships work. And to be honest I couldn’t be bothered keeping up with a friendship where things like this were expected of me either.

I have one best friend I would message because we talk daily. Others I might message if I remember and say 'how is x, or hope you're having an amazing time'.

She might not be trying to ghost you but maybe cool the friendship a bit, maybe just ask?