To think it's not unreasonable to expect a best friend to say have a nice holiday?

[Zesty291]

I've been having friendship issues with my 'best' friend for a while now. I basically think she's trying to ghost me but after 30 years of friendship I'm not going easily (ie.i keep getting in touch and she replies with the absolute minimum).

3 years ago DH and I booked a once in a life time holiday with the DC. It was delayed due to covid but its finally come around.

I've had some well wishes off colleagues, family members and friends. Just the normal 'have a lovely trip, look forward to hearing about it when you're back, safe travels etc' just standard niceties.

Radio silence off my friend.

That's not 'normal' is it?

I should add she has nothing particularly stressful, preoccupying going on in her life.

I basically think she's trying to ghost me but after 30 years of friendship I'm not going easily (ie.i keep getting in touch and she replies with the absolute minimum).

By not going easily you seem to think you're showing her that you're strong. But actually you're just looking needy and irritating her further, I suspect. Seriously (and I'm not denying how much it hurts by the way) it's far more dignified to think 'sod you then' and cut ties.

😞 this thread has been horrible.

Enjoy your holiday @Zesty291. Well done on beating cancer and I’m really sorry about your dad. And your friend. You deserve better than that.

Why can't you just ask her if something has happened because you feel she has been quite distant? Ask if you've done something, or if something is troubling her in her life she hasn't mentioned. 🤷‍♀️

This isn't the sort of thing I'd message about (mostly because I have so much going on I'd forget). It depends if your friend is snowed under working FT with young kids, or if she's semi retired and has plenty of time and head space.

Kindly,I think you have very high expectations of your friends. Take a step back and decide if part of your feelings are down to a mis match in the expectations of friendship.

I'm on holidays at the moment,a few colleagues and one or two family members told me to have a good trip. It's only after reading this that I considered whether any of my close friends said anything, they didn't. It doesn't matter though,aholiday is only a big deal to the people going on it.

I think people are being really mean . I would be upset to lose a friend of 30 years . Maybe she has stuff going on you don’t know about? I wouldn’t worry too much about the holiday but when you get back maybe arrange to meet and ask her what’s wrong . Have a lovely holiday.

I couldn't get upset about the no holiday text, yeah it's nice if you get one but not essential.

However, the overall ghosting must be hard. You need to talk to her about it and find out what's going on.

That's probably what's really bothering you and not one text specifically.

Just put your friend aside in a little box and go enjoy your holiday with your family.

When you get back you need to address the situation with your friend and be prepared you may hear something you don’t like.

You cannot make people be your friends.

Meh. My best mate did the Inca trail with her husband. She didn't tell me she was going. It sounds like it wasn't what she anticipated, or fun.

I don't acknowledge when any of my friends go on holiday. I haven't been abroad for 4 years due to covid and the expense so I'm afraid that hearing about everyone else's wonderful holidays would set me off down the road of jealousy.

Some People are being so nasty on here. I don’t think not commenting about the holiday is that odd (although if it was a friend going on the holiday of a lifetime I would). I think it’s built up because of your worries about the friendship. Losing a 30 year friendship is very sad. Maybe she has more going on than you know or maybe she doesn’t know how to react to the difficulties you’ve had. I hope you can sort it out.

Sounds like it’s not so much about her not wishing you a happy trip but more about the fact that your friendship is fading, that she is slipping away, that your friendship is coming to an end. This is always sad, even heartbreaking and often you will never know the real reasons why. This has has happened to me a couple of times, just being faded out, ghosted by friends that I thought I had a solid friendship with, no matter what. But people change, so do their needs. It’s just one of those things.

As hard as it may be, just let her go. It’s life and in time you will feel better about it.

Have a wonderful trip.

My friends and I always message to say enjoy a holiday, ask for pics then have a chat about how it went.
It's part of keeping in touch, sharing news, being happy for each other and giving support. You know, the usual stuff that friendships are all about.
You said your friend is trying to ghost you. She wouldnt change her mind just because you're going on holiday. There's obviously something going on for her, so just leave it.

Ahh OP it's horrible isn't it, when someone you thought of as a good friend starts fading. It's happened to me, and it hurts. I feel for you.

About the holiday though...I think maybe you're overthinking a little. She's already fading...so is hardly likely to have wished you bon voyage is she? This friendship sounds over...either let it go, or ask directly what has changed.

But I have to agree with other posters...I'm also one who wouldn't even think to text/message a friend to say 'happy holiday' or whatever prior to the event, unless I was already chatting about something at that point, then I'd maybe tag it on. It simply wouldn't occur to me to be honest. Doesn't make me a shit friend though 🤷‍♀️

With kindness, let her go. For whatever reason, the friendship has run its course. The only person you are hurting by worrying that this person hasn't said 'have a good holiday', is you. You are holding on too tight to someone who no longer wishes to be close to you.

It is awful to lose a close friend though.

I'm sorry about everything you've gone through.

It sounds hard.

The holiday thing, it wouldn't even cross my mind to expect someone to comment.

But there's obviously the background of ghosting which is making this pointed for you.

I've lost long term friendships. It's harder than romantic break ups. Hope you heal in time and have a lovely holiday.

im sorry people are being so nasty, OP. I’ve been where you are and it’s confusing and upsetting. I hope things can be worked out x

It wouldn't occur to me to send a message along the lines of bon voyage, honestly it would just not. If you had told me about the holiday previously, I'd have said oh that sounds fantastic.

If you feel you are losing her, that may be a different matter entirely.

Kindly - you do seem a bit 'clingy', OP. And if she wants out of your life to any degree, that is not a choice YOU make. It's her choice.

I get it, i really do. About 10 years ago, I had a BFF, we did everything together - kids joint birthday parties, we went on holiday together with the dc, talked for hours on the phone, shopping trips, DIY help... something then happened between us (I split with my DH; she didn't approve of that! ) and within a few months she had moved house, changed her landline and mobile number and got a new wifi provider which meant she'd changed her email too. She'd changed address, phone numbers, emails - so basically, without telepathy, I couldn't contact her.
I was confused, then hurt, then blocked. She emailed about 8 months later, 3 lines.

I never replied,and although saw her in Tesco recently I passed the time of day and walked on.

If someone wants OUT of your life, let them. It's their loss.