What would your 'honest' dating profile include?

[FatPatsCat]

"Divorced.
BMI indicates I'm not tall enough.
No hobbies.
Have watched so much news today that I'm concerned I'll have a Scottish accent when I finally speak to somebody."

How about yours 😁

Divorced, you'd better love cats if you want to be in my life, fat and not interested in dieting. Can rabbit on about Terry Pratchett for hours. Cooks and bakes like a goddess. Won't take shit. No Tories, please.

Forgetful.
Likely to fall asleep half way through a film.
Not much of a gag reflex.
Bluey is one of my top ten TV shows.

Menopausal bitch troll from hell.
Shortarse.
Wants a man who will keep her fed with chocolate.
No, I don't want to see a picture of your genitals.

A bit fat
Short tempered
Greedy

BMI indicates I'm not tall enough
😁

Lazy, bossy, infuriating show-off seeks bloke to do all the housework.

Mine would be:

Medical liability. Moon tan. Annoyingly literal. Watches disaster movies with the seriousness of someone scanning for actual hints and tips.

I have no interest in cock
If I kept you around it would just be to pay half the bills
I keep dogs in my bed

I love these 😂

Forgot to add 'family history of dementia so exciting future in store'

1.Vegan.
2.Will remind you daily of above statement.

Additional servant required for two cats.

Control freak who eats too much cheese and chocolate seeks partner for occasional no strings sex. Don't expect to move into my house or have any sympathy with your sob stories.

Luckily I don't have to do this anymore. BUT i always wanted to include the following:

I know I'm fit and cute but I got there by working my arse off and I object to men who tell me how good I look but are fat, lazy slobs. Also, if I get injured or sick, I may end up putting weight on and you'll still have to live with me so please don't be with me for the wrong reasons.

As you can tell, I'm quite an angry person underneath. Approach with caution ⚠️ Appearances can be deceptive.

My dog has to aprove of you or this isn't going anywhere.

"I'll never want to live with you and I'm not crazy about sex. Don't know why I'm on this site tbh".

I am short, fat and old. Not interested in any narcissists, pick up artists, liars or husbands. Only contact me if your dick still works. Looking for anal? Look elsewhere.

Short, fat, strange bodied, bad tempered old git. Takes no prisoners. Terrible voice, tone deaf, sings constantly. Nice person. Seeks similar but better.

Looking for someone to fall head over heels with me and worship the ground I walk on. Must have loads of money, be able to fund my pension and let me stop work. Must also be able to fund full time housekeeper and cleaner. Erectile problems need not apply.

I don't drive. I.e if you want to seee me you have to do all the driving around as I'm too lazy to get the bus. I also like going for nice strolls . I'e I'm not a gym bunny

You're ME. All we need is to find our opposites.

Weird nerd who can't drive. Obsessed with programming and not with you, sorry. (Not sorry.) Buy me food and accept my inattention and workaholism. Also loads of sex and dancing and laughing please. Totally uninterested in how inadequate you feel. Really really genuinely will be super admiring of any actual GSOH. Grey hair, fattish, bad teeth.

Not much time in my schedule so if you’re happy with a short notice Saturday shag, I’m your gal.
I thrive off pizza and compliments, and have the body to show for it.

adds to bio

Fifty, fat and still want fucking!

Opinionated, demanding, high maintenance, I'll give you my all and expect yours in return.

Available one night per week, your home or mine.

I live with my husband, mother, dog and cat 😂😂

@StopStartStop are you me?