I love this thread.
My honest bio:
I'm reasonably attractive, fit and healthy for a 40-something so I expect the same. Not interested in you if you're older than 50 unless you don't look your age and are equally fit and attractive.
I'll get really excited if I fancy you and probably will be a pain in the arse, but if you happen to fancy me I will likely feel overwhelmed and push back.
I have my own home, job and money and expect you to be the same. You're not moving into my place. In fact, I expect you to stay in yours most of the time.
I need time alone and time to see my own friends by myself. You're not going to be my everything. I expect you to have a life and respect that I have mine, which doesn't always involve you.
Sex gives me thrush, so it needs to be amazing if I agree to have to deal with all the creams and bother of keeping it under control. And once I come I don't want you to go on forever. Sort yourself out and let me sleep.
My dog is the most important person in my life. You need to be approved by her and like her and be nice to her at all times. There's both human and dog hair in my home. Get used to it.
I like spontaneity and challenges in life. I get bored by "the simple life". I want to travel, meet different people, do different things, have different jobs. If you can't keep up, I'll get bored of you soon.
I don't have kids for a reason. i don't mind if you have older ones, but having younger ones would mean I'd have to deal with your ex-partner and little kids, and with you being bound to stay at the same place as your children for over 10 years. So no. Older kids are ok as long as they are not a pain in the arse and you don't expect me to parent them.
Man, I'm a catch, me.