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Original poster

Helping DP downsize

83 replies

TDCtomorrow · 16/02/2022 22:45

I need some suggestions on how to start helping DP downsize. Every room is full as DF is a hoarder. I don't know where to start or how to go about it.

Only DM will be able to help due to DF being unwell.

It's so overwhelming and I've only got 3 weeks

OP posts:
RosesforTea · 21/02/2022 22:37

Also - can your parents start to pack what they are taking? That might get rid of a quarter of the stuff there, and also focuses the mind about what will actually fit and is needed in the new house.

This exercised worked well when I had to do similar. Eg in the bedroom we worked out what furniture fit in the new bedroom, clothes and jewellery etc were packed in suitcases, and everything else that had been crammed in the bedroom was optional.

Weenurse · 21/02/2022 22:42

@RosesforTea has a good suggestion, focus DF on what he can take, not what is being donated.
Be realistic, give him a suitcase or 2 and a box for bedroom stuff etc.
Also focus on donating and how much he is helping x charity. How many people are going to benefit from his donations.
Good luck 💐

Weenurse · 21/02/2022 22:43

Sorry, contradicting myself there

AnotherEmma · 21/02/2022 22:56

If you run out of time, you could try "Just Clear"
helpforhoarders.co.uk/seek-help/clearance/

I can understand your frustration with your father but I don't think he's going to change unless/until he's ready. He's probably finding this really difficult.

Not that his are the only feelings that count, of course. It's clear from your posts how stressed out you are. You are very kind to do this for your parents. Flowers

Storm1NaTeacup · 22/02/2022 02:36

Someone suggested this on another thread

Take photos of "stuff" that you throw out or recycle
Because when it is gone, it is gone forever !

Items to keep

Items for charity or give away

Items to sell

Items to recycle

Original poster
TDCtomorrow · 22/02/2022 10:46

Thank you all.
I've taken a day off tomorrow so hopefully can make a big dent.

DF has issues from his childhood which I totally understand so I'm trying not to be too brutal or harsh with him.

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Original poster
TDCtomorrow · 27/02/2022 14:05

Still at it. Painting is coming along well. The sorting out is a slow process though.

I keep coming across more things that need sorting through. Rooms I haven't been in in years are full to bursting.

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CornedBeef451 · 27/02/2022 14:20

You're doing brilliantly!

I am dreading having to my DPs house. They're not really hoarders, more like a post war this might come in useful way of thinking. Their house is tidy but every cupboard is extremely densely packed. DM has at least 20 handbags in a bedroom cupboard, all unused, very similar and packed inside each other very neatly. If anyone ever needs a black, slightly 80s style handbag she's got you covered.

DD keeps bits of wood in his garage. It does come in useful as he is using a kitchen cupboard door from my old house to make a shelf in my new house. We only moved 8 years ago so of course he still had it! My brother was supposed to clear it out when the time came but he died before Christmas so one of my odd grieving thoughts was oh fuck, whose going to do the garage now!

Good luck with it all, you'll get there in the end.

Original poster
TDCtomorrow · 27/02/2022 17:48

Thank you. I've moved a load of food over today. Remember the pasta shortage of April 2020. I've found it all.
There are so many tins as if they're preparing to be locked it for months.

Taken home today 3 bottles of Vodka and some flavoured gin. So winning 🏆

OP posts:
CornedBeef451 · 27/02/2022 19:39

Sounds like you might need the vodka to get through it all!

Original poster
TDCtomorrow · 02/03/2022 17:17

Another few hours done. Ordered flooring a cooker and a bed
The painter is off until Tuesday which sucks but can't be helped
Getting quite a lot of stubbornness from DF now which isn't helping. Ffs

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CornedBeef451 · 04/03/2022 15:02

How are you getting on @TDCtomorrow?

Original poster
TDCtomorrow · 04/03/2022 18:55

Spent the day there today. Been cleaning scraping and taking rubbish away.
I've started shopping for the new place too which is the best bit.
Trying to keep my mouth shut to my DF because he gets arsey with my DM if I do.
Had flooring delivered now just waiting for the painting to be finished to get it down.
Sorting the old place is a struggle though DF is not helping and there are so many things that only he can do because it's his electronics wires computers laptops all sorts of crap

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Original poster
TDCtomorrow · 05/03/2022 19:13

Another long day. I'm feeling a bit broken today

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CornedBeef451 · 05/03/2022 21:39

Sorry to hear that. You have been doing brilliantly and it sounds like the new place is coming along really well.

Hope you can get some rest tonight and get enough done for them to move.

FaceLikeASlappedAss · 05/03/2022 21:45

Could you do the rest once theyve moved. Make their move day few days early? Then when df isnt around have a clear out?

Original poster
TDCtomorrow · 05/03/2022 22:34

Not really. So much needs sorting before the move. I think they've got probably 2 weeks left. The least stuff left once they move the better because the council will charge if they leave stuff. I have no clue how much that would be. I really hope the painting and flooring will be done by next weekend.

My body is exhausted today and I've felt a bit on the edge of breaking down. Have to keep it together though for my DM
Keep going

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Weenurse · 06/03/2022 07:42

One foot in front of the other unfortunately.
Only positive is that in a month, this should be done.

bigdecisionstomake · 06/03/2022 09:17

You're doing a brilliant job - keep going. When I have a task like this that seems so overwhelming I focus on the point at which it will all be over. Hopefully by the end of March they should be moved in/out and everything that can be done will be.

Then you can have some 'me' time hopefully. For now, just keep chipping away, every little bit done now is one less stress when the deadline arrives Flowers

Original poster
TDCtomorrow · 06/03/2022 18:38

Few hours done today.
Another tip run and a bit of painting.

Got work now until Friday so at least I have a few days to recharge

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RandomMess · 06/03/2022 18:52
Thanks

You are doing amazingly well!

Keep going

Weenurse · 07/03/2022 10:34

Make sure you get a bubble bath or some other relaxing in.

Original poster
TDCtomorrow · 07/03/2022 19:07

Thank you all for your supportive words.

OP posts:
Weenurse · 11/03/2022 23:37

How are you going?

Original poster
TDCtomorrow · 12/03/2022 12:35

@Weenurse

How are you going?
Bit stressed out today. The fella who is doing all the work is going away for 10 days on Friday. I need him to build wardrobes but I can't get them delivered until Friday. The cooker hasn't been delivered yet but I'm Hoping that's very soon. Blinds are comlng Monday. Good news is the painting and flooring is almost finished. A few hiccups have come up but my amazing handyman sorted it. I've had to rate a few days away from the house because the sheer amount of stuff is overwhelming. I'm sure my DF thinks he can take it all
OP posts: