DP needs major surgery on Monday, he has pancreatic cancer (or possibly bile duct cancer, they can't tell where the cancer started yet). He's having a Whipple's procedure to try to remove what they can but even then his long term chances aren't the best. I am scared they will open him up and find they can't do what they want to do. I am scared he will die. I am scared. I am scared COVID will cancel his surgery. On Monday I get to drop him off at the doors to the ward not knowing when I will see him again, how well he'll be. I don't even know how I will know he's out of surgery because no-one has told us if I have to call them or if they'll call me. I won't be able to visit much because he'll be over 90 minutes away and we have two small babies living with us at the moment so even if DP was more local visiting would be tricky. I wish we could stay on Saturday, he looks so well, he feels so well, no-one could tell he has cancer but without the surgery we've been told he has a year, max.
Life wasn't supposed to be this way. This wasn't in our plan.