Recovering anorexic, do I look ill?

[averageisgood]

I have been diagnosed as anorexic since my teens and am now approaching 50. I'm exhausted by the hold it has had on my life, and I'm desperate to recover.
At the moment I'm eating two good meals (for me) a day, but I eat alone and still can't cope eating with other people beyond a coffee or tea. I'm 5ft 6 and weigh 57kg. The thought of being any heavier makes me panic, and if I'm honest, I'd like to lose a couple of kg, but I don't want to lose control. I'm battling with my perceptions, iand have no clear idea of the reality of how I look. For eg, I can see in this pic of me that I look thin, but I consider my thighs to be fat.

You are likely to get conflicting opinions on here which will confuse you all the more.

You are not fat.

The trouble is that to gain weight you need to eat more than two ‘good’ meals (for you) per day. You would have to eat meals plus snacks and I would imagine that your perception of a reasonable portion has become a bit skewed over the years.

Ask for help. See a dietitian or eating disorders specialist if you can. Eating will make you feel physically and psychologically uncomfortable so you will need support.

Becoming absolutely fed up of your disorder is the first step. The disorder has isolated you and messed with your mind, it is not your friend. It is holding you back from a brighter and happier future. Go forward OP. And don’t give up. You know what a life with anorexia is like so now it is time to try a different path. Don’t allow the next 20 years to be like the last 20. It is a miserable existence and you deserve better.

Hi OP! I hope you're getting all the help you need!

To me you look very very thin and your thighs don't need to be smaller at all. AT ALL.