Such an interesting article about the psychological burden of performing “gender”

Describes another population that also struggles with mental health: autistic spectrum. The stress, frustration and exhaustion of masking, of trying to match what the individual thinks others expect, while crushing their own needs and tolerances.

I haven’t thought about it from this perspective - really interesting and makes sense to me.

Interesting article. I think psychologists have a lot to answer for in this. I don't really understand how many were so quick to throw away everything they usually apply when dealing with mental distress when it came to this issue.

Who told them in the first place that they could ever pass?

Take one example in the article: "Gait, adjusted and finessed". I know trans identifying people, and not one of them moves like the sex they want to be - their skeletal structure gives them away all the time.

Yes, it's an interesting article, and very sad. Thinking about it from the "audience" POV, those of us who may interact with the trans person - hopefully we will treat them the same as we'd treat anyone else. However, in the nanosecond before we interact with someone, we suss them out as to whether they're a threat or not. And in that nanosecond, we perceive that the trans person is not what they are purporting to be. This woman has an Adam's apple, etc.
So however respectful I want to be (and I do!), I find myself slightly on guard. It's the same feeling with clowns - many people don't like them. Why? They're fun! Except we know that they could be a miserable person really and are erasing that with the make-up and putting on a front.
Actors - we know they are acting and accept it. But have you ever found yourself disliking an actor you previously liked because he played a psychopath and you now don't trust him? I have!

So, this is the problem I have, and the problem trans people have, I think. The rest of us can try to be polite and accepting, but deep down, we have a defence mechanism kicking in when someone purports to be something they're not.
It's different when we get to know someone as an individual, of course.

aka we don't like being lied to. And when we notice a person is presenting as something they are not, it puts us off.

Particularly since the presentation often has an element of fancy dress exaggeration. Does the article explain why they can't just be themselves and get on with life? It seems so narcissistic.

What this piece ignores is 'performance' anxiety works both ways for people with gender dysphoria. Either way there's a degree of discomfort so its a matter of the lesser of evils.

It also ignores whilst 'passing' comes with its anxiety that inextricably linked with public perceptions, privately that's not necessarily the case where it would be if they went against their inclinations.

Either way, making others responsible for your happiness is a recipe for increasing your own unhappiness.

The old-fashioned nanny's deflationary advice for children suspected of vanity or uppishness - 'no-one is going to be looking at you, dear' had a lot to be said for it.

And on top of all the stress of managing your presentation and watching for other peoples reactions, you add in monitoring your hormone levels and dealing with the after effects of unnecessary surgery and it’s not a recipe for good mental health. It must be a massive strain. It seems like a much easier option to be honest with yourself and others about who you are, and live in your body as it is.

How are you going to do that, though? If you're a man, say, and feel you should be female and you hate your body? Plenty of 'gender uncomfortable' (a new term!) people do manage to 'be themselves' now of course, especially in the big cities, where gender fluidity is more accepted as part of the mix of people, but what if you feel you're genuinely the wrong sex? It seems like a mental health problem to me. But I have no idea how this can be solved, apart from hormones and surgery, which doesn't seem to be a satisfactory solution if they're still having to 'mask' and don't present as 100% their desired sex.

The problem I have with this article is that it only deals with transpeople who actually want desperately to 'pass', and I think they are a minority.

As far as transIDing men are concerned [I'm just focusing on TW here], not all of them even attempt to pass: there's a whole cohort who proclaim that 'we don't owe you femininity', and their beards, male genitalia, typical male clothing, male names etc etc in no way conflict with their demand to be accepted as women, because they say so.
That's self-ID taken to extremes, and there's zero performance anxiety because they're not performing femininity at all.

The other end of the spectrum are the TWs who do everything they can - 'gender reassignment' surgery, cosmetic surgery, Adam's Apple minimising, voice training - everything they can do to try to pass as women.
We all know that this is unlikely to work because of details like body shape, size of feet and hands, gait etc.
I can imagine that they would feel anxious about their appearance, voice, etc.

Then there are TWs who wear 'women's clothes' [discuss in 2,500 words😒] but don't really make much effort to appear 'feminine' otherwise.
So not much anxiety there either, probably, because I'm a woman cos I say so, all right? got a problem with that?

Most transIDing men will still have their genitalia, which is a bit of a giveaway if they are really really trying to be 100% accepted as women.

I think we are more likely to detect entitlement, arrogance and aggression from TiMs, rather than the anxiety which some of them may experience.

What this piece ignores is 'performance' anxiety works both ways for people with gender dysphoria. Either way there's a degree of discomfort so its a matter of the lesser of evils

Very true, but the issues arising are asymmetric. If a man with a 'female gender identity' chooses to 'perform' maleness, he is bound to succeed, because he actually is a man. If instead he decides to 'perform' femaleness, those he encounters may have no way of determining whether he is a transwoman or a gender non-conforming man. In my experience, if they guess wrong, he blames them, rather than his own performance.

I did not understand your second paragraph at all.

It seems like a mental health problem to me.
..and there is your answer. You deal with the mental health problem as best you can, but we all have to accept that not everyone can have all of their mental health problems solved 100% of the time.

Victim blaming 101. Treat em as 'freaks' & then inform them they are responsible for their own unhappiness that follows.

Um, just because a person 'succeeds' at pretending to be something they are not doesn't mean its without anxiety.

A lot of people hate their appearance for a range of reasons; scarring, hereditary features they hate, birth defects, skin conditions. How do all these people cope? I would imagine they also feel like their body does not represent the incredibly gorgeous being they really are on the inside - and that life has dealt them a rotten hand.
But they all cope one way or another. Being unhappy with your body is not unusual or special. Hormones and surgery don’t make you into anything new, just like a face lift doesnt make you any younger.
They certainly don’t make people any happier.

This is an interesting read and I have often thought the effort of passing is akin to the autistic experience of "fitting in" which a previous poster mentioned has occurred to me as well. I would add to this that I think taking cross sex hormones must massively effect your mental health as well. So trans-identified men taking estrogen is going to result in a hugely increased emotional response to people's reaction to them. Not only are they wondering if they are passing but they are also dealing with their own altered emotional state. It's a dangerous combination.

Hmm, the TRA’s rebuttal to a reasonable statement is to use a nasty slur to describe the very people he purports to support. No, I’m not going to quote you and give you a nasty little screenshot that you can misattribute to those evil terfs.

Nobody can take responsibility for what a person does with the beliefs in their own head - Talking Therapy 101.

Don't be daft. If someone tries to present as something they aren't, they will be faced by the rest of the world's reaction to that incongruity.

Human beings evolved to correctly identify sex - it helps identify risks as well as potential partners. Someone trying to obfuscate that will necessarily experience hesitations and double takes at best.

Trans identifying people trying to pass aren't "victims" - to be blamed or otherwise.

Thanks OP, interesting article. This is one of the reasons why I don't think it's 'kind' to pretend we think people have changed sex by using pronouns, reassuring them they pass etc. What eould actually be kind would be to help them come to terms with the reality of their sexed body, alongside embracing gender non conformity. Much healthier mentally. It must be exhausting to constantly try to be something you're not, and to constantly monitor other people's reaction to you.

This is so true, and it applies to every adult interaction.
No-one else is responsible for your happiness. Not your friends. Not your colleagues. Not your family. Not your children (definitely not!).
Not even your husband or wife.

If your happiness depends on other people treating you a certain way, or reacting to you in a certain way, that is doomed to fail and you will be unhappy.
The only solution is to live in a way that does not rely on other people's reactions.