To reflect, post Russell Brand etc., on things I put up with from men but now don't know why

Sorry, that should read most women didn't say anything. I did and was told I had no case, and it was understood that if you rocked the boat within the industry you would be considered 'mad' or unreliable and definitely indiscreet and your job would be at risk. It was very, very much a boy's club.

Thanks. I just had a little cry to my friend. Have had it bottled in since the weekend! Feel better now. I will not be staying away from the hobby group

I also now realize that just because I was drunk and trusting , doesn't mean that it was my fault for being assaulted. For years I mentally accused myself of not deserving any sympathy because I should have known better. Poor guys just can't help themselves, can they ?

You probably read on the back of a toilet door.

Young girl was run over by a bus. The fire brigade had to lift the bus off her. When I saw the X-Rays and scans her rib cage was just a bundled mass of broken bones. The rest was too difficult to see clearly, Jeeze how is she still alive ?. Week later she was talking to her parents. I spoke to the surgical team who worked on her. I know them. All men. I gave them a Curly Wurly each. It’s a private joke where we are because that’s all the thanks and recognition they got : apart from professional pride and saving an 18 year old student from certain death.

Who should they be apologising to for their fortunate misogyny, the cleaner ?.

You just prey men like this are there for you when you or your family need them.

my main reflection on all of this is that I accepted a lot of this shitty behaviour because my own self-esteem was on the floor and I had grown up in a household where everything came down to what a man would say, or how he would judge you, if you did something. So I grew up wanting to please and be wanted by a man and feeling lesser then. It's fatal. I have been raped and sexually assaulted by standards of today much more than once. I too liked the judges summation, but there's this 90s part of me that can't help but think 'christ, why did these women put themselves into these positions in the first place'. I'm glad girls today are starting to question it more, but Rochdale etc shows it is still rampant. As long as there are men in this world with aggressive sexual urges and women / girls who, for whatever reason, won't stand up to them this will happen.

I used to work with a man who really fancied himself-he could be very charming

His ideal date was a full length mirror

Anyway,it turns out he had some weird sexual tastes

No 1:midget porn ('closest I'll ever get to seeing kids have sex')

No 2:he loved to be all 'soft' and romantic then would 'change' and strangle the hell out of the woman

No 3:he would try it on with a young girl,get her pregnant,force her to abort and that turned him on (last i heard,he was on his 16th/17th abortion and this was a few years ago)

He wasn't fussy,he like his 'meat' (not my words) young but would try it on with any female in his orbit (single,married,young,old,barely above the age of consent-he wasn't fussy)

What did work do?

They could have taken it seriously and 'had a word' but they didn't,they laughed it off and gave the young women time off (unpaid) to 'trot off and go to the clinic,see you monday'

All us females would warn any new starters and go around in pairs to protect each other,often getting into trouble for two people going to do one job (he tried it on with me but ran off when dp showed up,hed innocently come to pick me up)

He did leave when a new (temporary) female manager started and did 'have a word' before putting him on nights with two other men (before this,it was a male manager and both where part of the 'old boys club')

He took offence and flounced,but he's still out there,still getting women pregnant and forcing abortions on them (it's understandable that a young woman of 16/17/18 doesn't want to bring up a baby by themselves)

This wasn't in 'the olden days' this was 2023/4 (when he finally fucked off and hes still out there,still up to his old tricks)

It was laughed off as 'Oh,that's just A being A'

Hes a charming but very dangerous man

Well the fact that it's an all male surgical team sort of evidences the point the PP you quoted was making. It's highly probable that there are no women in that team because of the patriarchal barriers they mentioned in their post, therefore leaving a spot, or more spots free in the team for men to benefit from.

Also, was 'prey' Freudian slip...?

I feel for you. There is a really shitty thread running on how women put themselves at risk of rape on mn. Your story shows that even at work in a place that you would deem safe that women can be sexually assaulted.

I hope he was prosecuted.

When I was a teenager my local pub had a yearly ‘golf day’. The men played golf and afterwards headed to said pub where they hired (I presume) young women to take turns to have sex with in view of each other . The barmaids served the men as on any working night. A couple of my then friends were the barmaids on shift and talked about that night as good for tips.

NC for this. When I was working in a government office in early 2000s a senior manager literally just stuck his finger up my arse when I was sitting next to him at a work party. Under my skirt, down my tights and knickers. Unfortunately I was very drunk so I ended up getting off with him after further drinks when he let us into the building late at night. Fucking grim and not proud of that part of it, but he was a predator.

Listening to Rylan and Sally Traffic on his radio show on Saturday and they mentioned page 3 and how normal it felt at the time. Rylan said he didn’t have a problem with it, the women were earning. Massively gone off him. Women and young girls reduced to wallpaper for oiks, not to mention how them doing it had repercussions for other women trying to work and be taken seriously. He has no skin in the game, he should keep his mouth shut.

I totally agree OP. I’m in my late 40s and have had groping in clubs, by male friends, comments on my body and underwear by chefs in their 30s when I was waitressing aged 16/17. In my 20s at work married men “misunderstanding” my politeness and “be kind” training as interest and trying to manipulate me into relationships with them. A sexual assault by a male receptionist who had access to my room abroad. Then the thinner end of the wedge - endless comments on my appearance, Guiting into sex or sulking if they don’t get enough etcetc. I could go on and on. It seems to have slowed whether due to my age or the fact I go out less. Thank god! Plus I work (mostly) with a small group of lovely women now.

With everything that’s been in the news lately, the Cornell 7, Gisèle Pelicot and Amanda Stanhope (both being drugged and raped by their partners), and the rape academy, it just all makes me feel very sick. I’m also annoyed at myself for all the times that I’ve kept silent and not spoken up. I was so naive.

Like most of you I've had a large number of gropes, comments etc.
The worst ones were:

Aged 14 at school in the swimming pool being grabbed from behind around my breasts by an older boy, aged maybe 17. Mixed swimming classes. I had a constant painted on Veruka for the rest of my school swimming classes and a forged note from my mum. I still can't stand swimming pools.

Next, aged 16 working after school and over the holidays a man who was in his 40's would follow me round, lick his lips and say " I bet she bucks like a whippet". I had no idea at the time what that meant but I was terrified of him.

In my 30's I was grabbed and shoved by a male colleague and hustled into a nearby cupboard. I was carrying lots of folders and couldn't immediately shove him off. I dropped the folders and swore at him like a trooper. I told my husband about it but we decided not to report it as the man had a wife and three kids and would have lost his job.

I have always worn clothes that cover me from neck to ankle. I do not like the attention and stay away from men as much as I can.

Marina Hyde's email on DW has just come out and this seems relevant here-

"Near the end of the ITV documentary that forms part of the broadcaster’s joint investigation with The Guardian into alleged behaviour towards young women and girls by David Walliams, one of the women who came forward says something so arresting. She says: “I want to do it to protect my younger self.”
Watching her in silhouette, I thought it was hard to think of a more devastating phrasing – the impossibility of it, the heartbreak of it, the tragedy of time that can’t be reclaimed. But also, the bravery of it. The bravery of recounting it all, and saying the next thing she said, which was: “I want to do it to protect future people”.
Sometimes it feels as if women’s journeys are a particularly grim version of that thing when you think of exactly the right riposte to someone who put you down - only two weeks after the moment it happened. This, but for understanding and finding the words for why something that happened to you was so wrong - only many, many years after it happened, and has already wreaked the damage. And, as many of the women were at pains to place on record, continues to wreak the damage.
When you are older, you find words like “grooming”, “abuse of power”, and “assault”. Yet these are unfortunately not the words that tend to come to girls, who, in this documentary, say they were as young as 15 when they encountered David Walliams, who was more than twice their age at the time, and very famous. In fact, several of the women described their younger selves reacting to his alleged advances by “not having the words” or “going silent”..."

My DS25 can't sleep at night thinking about this. He feels physically sick and can't sleep thinking about his disgusting and horrid the world is.

DS can't sleep thinking his younger DDs will eventually experience something horrid to them (even though they already have). That I'm scared for DDs as well. That his wife will eventually have a story to tell. That life just is a bit shit for a woman.

I am feeling really worn down by the last few days. Just the grimness of it. Life is a hard road for all females. And shows no sign of getting better.

I need to avoid MNet and other forums and the news for a bit.

I listened to a man calling into a radio show and complaining about how this puts so many men at risk. I just thought “how many of you fuckers have raped someone”. And then I was delighted that there a bunch of arseholes lying awake at night worrying that what they did will come back to haunt them. They know they do it, you can’t accidentally sexually assault someone, they count on women being scared and other men covering for them.

I don’t know a single woman who hasn’t experienced some sort of sexual assault, I hope the world is a bit better when mines out there on her own. It fucking terrifies me.

I do this sometimes, when it’s too much. It helps. Look after yourself