Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

16 year old stepson's reaction to the Russel Brand sentencing

156 replies

inthisdayandage27 · Yesterday 20:30

Name change as I'm absolutely shocked actually.

My 16 year old stepson's reaction to the Russel Brand sentencing over dinner tonight was "Well, most women lie about it, don't they?"

I said "You can't seriously think that can you?"

He replies "Well you think that about men" (Which made little sense, but..)

We sort of left it like that because I was dumbstruck that he could think that.

Now, I have a slightly younger son who I hope will have absorbed some respect of women from me (and I sure will be having a chat with him) but more worrying I have a 12 year old daughter too. The step kids (both boys) are here half the time.

I'm honestly not sure how to go about this as I am hands off parenting with step kids (thinking they had sensible parents although I do worry my partner isn't as liberal as I am with his thinking).

I think having a chat to his mum would be over stepping the mark but I feel I can't leave this.

OP posts:
Lexibletheflexible · Today 13:52

TotaleclipseinFrance · Today 13:46

Not according to you there aren't.

Casual sex means, by definition, there is no real way of knowing the history of the person you are having sex with.

Right? Obviously right!

Thus all you can do - IF you are having casual sex with somebody-is ensure the consent is given and enthusiastically and that the person is not intoxicated. I suggested these things and you refuted them.

That is all you can reasonably do. What the feck else is there?
Signing of contracts? Cameras in the room?
Witnesses?

Show quote history

Because there arent simple answers or rules of thumb that will cover every situation. That is what I tell my son.

All that you can be certain of is that there is a risk. Ultimately, you have to decide if the risk is worth taking. That will depend on the situation each time. There will be times where you conclude that the risk is acceptable, even though alcohol or unfamiliarity is a factor, and times you will not. Each time is different.

TotaleclipseinFrance · Today 13:59

Lexibletheflexible · Today 13:52

Because there arent simple answers or rules of thumb that will cover every situation. That is what I tell my son.

All that you can be certain of is that there is a risk. Ultimately, you have to decide if the risk is worth taking. That will depend on the situation each time. There will be times where you conclude that the risk is acceptable, even though alcohol or unfamiliarity is a factor, and times you will not. Each time is different.

Show quote history

I presented to you what I thought to be sensible precautions against false allegations.
All reasonable.

You rebuffed every one, thus the only advice I'd be giving if I were you is to not have casual sex full stop.

I was not being sarcastic at all.

Lexibletheflexible · Today 14:01

TotaleclipseinFrance · Today 13:59

I presented to you what I thought to be sensible precautions against false allegations.
All reasonable.

You rebuffed every one, thus the only advice I'd be giving if I were you is to not have casual sex full stop.

I was not being sarcastic at all.

Show quote history

But that isnt very realistic and so I have a nuanced conversation about it. I don't think your rules are realistic or comprehensive enough for them to be useful.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · Today 16:49

For the posters referring to 'enthusiastic consent', what does that mean? Back in my days of occasional casual sex, I'm not sure I've ever been vocally enthusiastic (like a porn star 'give it to me, baby ') or vigorously and enthusiastically driving the way. Nor explicitly said 'I consent to X'. What is meant by 'enthusiastic consent'.?

dmlferguson · Today 17:08

Binfire · Yesterday 20:42

This sounds really difficult. Statistically a male is more likely to be raped themselves than have a false accusation of rape made against him.

I would go gently and chat about why he thinks that. To give him the benefit of the doubt, I guess being accused of a rape you haven’t committed must be a terrifying thought as a young man but hopefully he can be reassured by the statistics that it very rarely happens that way. That’s the way I’d play it!

Can I clarify that a man is more likely to be raped by another man than be falsely accused of rape by a women. The stats on a man being raped by a women are even less likely.

Lexibletheflexible · Today 17:41

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · Today 16:49

For the posters referring to 'enthusiastic consent', what does that mean? Back in my days of occasional casual sex, I'm not sure I've ever been vocally enthusiastic (like a porn star 'give it to me, baby ') or vigorously and enthusiastically driving the way. Nor explicitly said 'I consent to X'. What is meant by 'enthusiastic consent'.?

That's one of the reasons it is a meaningless term. Ive told my son that if he does encounter a woman saying "give it to me baby", he should probably decline.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread