AITA

Wouldnt dating a man with no children be easier especially one that knows how to use contraception?

You need to prioritise your child/children

Your dh needs to prioritise his child/children

I don't think this is the right relationship for either of you.

The children can not all feel secure and happy in this relationship.. its too messy, therefore I don't think its a feasible relationship

I'm confused about the part where you say you are being expected to give your daughter anything she wants to avoid a meltdown, but you don't want to? Who is expecting you to do this, and why?

But its not a good relationship...the relationship as a whole has caused a child to withdraw from their own father for 3 years.

Thats not a positive relationship for the children and they should be prioritised by their parent.

You are already foreseeing issues with your child when contact resumes.

The children are all young. They all deserve to feel secure in their relationship with their homes and parents and cannot do so in this current situation

So it isn't the best relationship ever and as adults, you should prioritise your kid and your dh his. If that means ending the relationship, then so be it

Ah I see. Has your partner ever properly sat down with the child's mum and talked things through? Could he suggest mediation?

Your partner needs to step up and stop being so passive. It’s the mother’s fault, it’s the 6 year olds fault, it’s eveyone's fault but his.
If his still quite young child can’t cope in a confined space with your profoundly disabled child and their outbursts then he should have been more on it about arranging time for his son out of the house. Take him to the park, take him to McDonald’s, take him to soft play. Your partner needs to be prioritising his child.
It doesn’t sound like you actually started slowly with the kids if you basically have lived together for 3 years and he hasn’t really seen his child since.

This is very disturbing. The child with your partner’s ex is exhibiting the behaviour patterns of an abused child. The mother is also exhibiting the behaviours of a parent concealing abuse. The lies this child would have said could have been a cry for attention/help. They may have a grain of truth in them, as whatever you, your child, or their dad was accused of doing may have been really done to them by their mother, or another person in their life. Or maybe the child never said any lies and their mother is making it all up to make the child more isolated from their wider family.

The mother saying the child was sick and unable to come does not ring true. The child is being punished by being isolated from their Dad and sibling, and the wider family. It is easier to hide abuse when you paint the child as bad and make the child unwelcome.

Sounds a cracking relationship......how long were you together before he moved in with you, or does he just go from woman to woman??

If she's refusing to let the child see any family at all that's a bit of a red flag (potentially). Has this been reported anywhere? Does she have other kids?

You whole post was about how to navigate child visiting and the impact this will have on your child. And the potential upset on the other sibling if things don't go smoothly

The child that dad has not seen for 3 years had reasons for lying and feeling upset with the situation when visiting their dad that they possibly couldn't articulate due to their age...a young child doesn't suddenly not want to be in situation with their parent if they feel happy and secure
...this kid has not seen their father for 3 years and their father has sat back and accepted that.

Yes, I do think at the moment their dad should prioritise their child and their feelings, and you your childs over the relationship. You are already worried about navigating the contact and the impact it will have on all of the children.

No longer being in the relationship will give all of the children space and the dad and child chance to repair their relationship

She wouldn’t even answer for Christmas or birthday gifts .
didn’t even take her to get gifts from her grandparents after being told numerous times they were there or to let them know when she was in.

This is not normal behaviour from the mother.

You mentioned too the child’s whole demeanour drops the instant their mother appears.
Mum was happy for days out etc until child was going home telling how much fun they had. Then mum would say she had been not well all day child’s mood would change then all of a sudden mum wouldn’t answer phone or door not even to his family .

This is not normal for a mother either.

I really think this child is not in a good living situation.

This sounds really tough on your DP, but it sounds like you personally have enough to deal with looking after your disabled child. I think for your own mental health you need to let him deal with this himself.

Has your partner ever lived on hos own? Or does he just move on from one woman to the next?

Your writing style is horrendous to the point I don’t even know what you’re talking about, it’s so difficult to follow and see what the problem is. I don’t know if your child is the problem, your DP child is the problem, his child or you?!?

No children are all older than 3 .
Do you mean no children are all older than 3, as in they are all below the age of 3 or do you mean, no, the children are all older than 3?

Shouldn’t everyone’s primary concern be that this child is being isolated from everyone outside their family home? From their father and wider family? As PP said much of this sounds like it could be an attempt to conceal abuse.