AIBU to want fewer last-minute family trips at the weekend?

Do you work?

I think it's really shit to not attend things you've said yes to. He also doesn't sound very nice for being moody. Yanbu I think.

I've said yanbu because that's my answer to your question: "AIBU to want fewer last-minute family trips at the weekend?"

But actually I do think yabu - for going along with it, for allowing your husband's immature, sulky, selfish behaviour to ruin commitments you'd already made and stop your children from going to parties they expected to be able to attend.

Oh and I don't think you're lucky.

I think you should reconsider the relationship - not because your husband wants to go on weekends away, but because he seems to think everything should always be his way without any consideration for you or your children. And his behaviour is so poor if he doesn't get his own way, that you would rather you and your children suffer all the other negative consequences of going on every whim weekend, then have to endure his behaviour. That sounds more abusive and controlling than lucky

He’s totally unreasonable and the kids will start to resent him very soon if he’s not careful.

Do you have a family diary that everyone has access to? Put anything unmissable in it and make sure he knows about it.

Don’t get distracted by the fact that ‘going away’ is typically thought of as a treat and a nice thing to do. He wants to go and no-one else does; that’s the crux of the issue. You’re all dancing to his tune snd he throws a strop if you don’t. Tell him to go on his own or better still, stay home and put some washing away.

Wtf? He gets sulky and mopey if he can’t go away for the weekend? Is he 9 years old? Let him go away by himself then with a cheery wave so you can sort the house and give your kids some downtime or see their friends, you know - normal stuff

YANBU and this would drive me mad. It's lovely to go away sometimes but it's also good to have family time at home. Your DH sounds like a spoilt brat who always wants everything his own way.

What a prick. Why does he get his way? Stand up to this asshole and let your poor kids have fun with friends. I love going away but I plan it with DP and we look forward to our trips, not spring them on each other..

This.

I don’t think you’re lucky at all. It sounds like a stressful way to live.

I think a family calendar with pre booked events on and a number of trip away weekends blocked out would be the way to go. I do agree with other posters as to why do you go along with it? If you've got an event or party booked let him go with the kids. If they have let him take the other one. He will have to learn to compromise and realise not everyone's life revolves around him. Would he be so keen if he had to do all the packing ?

I would hate this

That sounds mental to me on so many levels tbh. The packing, unpacking, disorganisation for the week ahead, missing parties and building on friendships, not enjoying your home and the sheer entitlement that you will all jump to his merry tune.

I couldn’t / wouldn’t do it, even if I wasn’t working full-time.

Your kids need downtime too, from school. That’s what their weekends are for - recharging at home with the odd local outing.

Also you’ll all end up with no friends if you keep cancelling parties etc

Agree with everyone else. He can't just demand that you drop everything and change all your plans at the last minute because he feels like it. Grown ups plan things properly, honour their existing commitments, and communicate and compromise with each other. It sounds pretty unmanageable to be honest and I love going away and would love to be more spontaneous but its just not realistic all the time.

Bet shed whinge about that as well

Your husband is being a selfish arsehole

You definitely shouldn’t be cancelling plans at the last minute- not fair on the dc or the hosts. Have some weekends blocked out for ‘away’ weekends and to make things easier when you do go away have a weekend bag with everything in that you need - when you get home wash and put straight back in the case, make a list for last minute things you may need to grab.

This sounds mad.

Weekends away cannot be a unilateral decision. It sounds really controlling and weird to be instructed to get ready and go away when you knew nothing about it, were not consulted and don't want to go.

The kids need downtime at weekends. They need time at home with their toys and time for hobbies, play dates and parties. They need to have mundane 'every day' stuff like trips to the park and the library. They don't need endless novelty, treats and trips.

I would absolutely draw the line at pulling out of events you have committed to and said you will attend. That sort of behaviour is so rude and disrespectful. Your dc will very quickly stop being invited to things when people notice you renege on agreements last minute on a whim.

You have a dh problem. Your dh has an attitude problem. And possibly deeper issues. Home should be somewhere you want to spend time. He needs to invest in creating a life an home he is happy to spend time enjoying, not trying to get away from.

Some of the happiest weekends for us as a family when ours were those sort of ages were - scooters to the park, feed the ducks, pick blackberries, playing in the garden, jigsaws and games at home, making big train track set ups or marble run configurations, snuggling up to watch tv together. He needs to value those kind of days.

That sounds awful, I’d tell him he’s a pathetic rude sod for canceling on people and cancelling parties on his dc and maybe he hated parties but his dc hate missing them and you won’t be going away for a month while you get some weekend time and he remembers everyone else matters too.

Nope. I suffered this in my childhood as my parents always wanted to go to the Caravan for the weekend. I missed out on loads of stuff with Brownies and with my friends. I'd go back in on a Monday feeling left out.

You need to agree between you specific weekends that you all agree to go away (maybe 6 a year would be reasonable). It sounds really stressful for you all.

Where is it you go away to?

Have you sat him down and explained all this to him, because obs I don't know him, but some people really don't seem to understand stuff you'd think would be obvious, and that doesn't make them stupid-I worked with an Oxbridge man like that. He'd go round to family and offer to take them out for fancy meals on random nights, not understanding the kids had homework or brownies, or the parents had been working all day and needed to clean, and tell us workers how he was always trying to be nice to his family! You need to explain why you can't just go, all you've said about parties etc, and maybe agree a number of weekends that will be ok.
If you have already been very clear about it, that's a problem. Ask how he'd feel if no one turned up at your kids' parties, because the other parents decided it didn't matter.

The kids must be exhausted.

I can’t believe you don’t have a say in your own life!
Let the grumpy sod go on his own or how about he takes the kids and does all the packing, washing etc. himself and gives you a weekend on your own.

This is so unbelievably selfish of him. Your lives are completely secondary to his wishes. Who does he think he is, threatening you with stroppy moods if you don’t do what he says?

[Read that as though I were talking about wanting you three to stay at home all the time and see how little difference it makes that in fact you’re going away. Because it’s the same disrespect and throwing around of weight]

Doesn't he realise that it's not a holiday for you it's just extra work?

When do you actually get some down time for yourself?