AIBU to want fewer last-minute family trips at the weekend?

I sympathise OP as my DH is similar in some ways. He makes a big deal of the weekends and always wants us to have proper plans/go out for the day, and loves to go away overnight.

I am more low-key and disorganised, so while I do enjoy getting out at the weekend I also don't want to go on and on about it from about Tuesday, and miss parties and hobbies etc because DH wants a 'day out' so we need to leave early. I'd rather just see how we feel on the day, what the weather's like etc.

I'm glad that he's proactive in wanting to do things but equally sometimes I just want a casual weekend doing normal things.

You are married to a selfish bastard who only cares about his own wants. He clearly has no care for what is important to you or your children. That dues not make any of you lucky.

If he wants to go let him go. Let him get ready and pack everything. Give him a cheery wave and relax at home. His wants don’t trump your needs.

to make things easier when you do go away have a weekend bag with everything in that you need - when you get home wash and put straight back in the case, make a list for last minute things you may need to grab.

Like a hospital bag? I would not want to live in a ‘stand-by’ state like this. And surely everything would crease if packed ages in advance?

Kids need downtime at the weekend! They need time to play with their toys, in the garden, tag along on errands, whatever. In the summer maybe this would be more reasonable (especially if you have a regular holiday home you go to, so it’s still familiar). During the school year, no way.

Let him have a tantrum and sulk. Warn him now that you and the kids are having down time this weekend and if he even makes a move to moan he can fuck off by himself. LET HIM have his big feelings on not getting his own way.

This shit should have been nipped in the bud ages ago.

There is nothing wrong with staying at home whilst he goes off on his travels. Let him know in advance the weekends that you want to go too, if at all.

Gosh this used to be my husband too! It was hard work for me shopping, packing before we left then washing everything on our return! I stopped doing it and said I’d stay at home. He didn’t like preparing and only liked packing for himself! He actually recently looked at holidays. He told me it would be cheaper to go self catering. I said good, we can eat out for lunch and dinner because I am not cooking at all on holiday. He looked annoyed and said he’d keep looking!

YANBU at all

This sounds an awful way to live and ultimately very damaging to the kids.

You and they have a right to be able to feel certainty about the immediate future - to be able to look forward to events on the weekend like, in their case, birthday parties. Not to feel that Dad might pull the rug at the last minute.

Awful behaviour from him.

And you have the right to relax in your own home if you want to on a weekend.

Stuff doesn't crease if you roll it rather than fold.

Every weekend sounds like hell and it will mean normality is getting neglected- local walks, dames of football, board games, as you say birthdays. Great maybe once a month but awful every week!

Does he not have friends or siblings he could go away with? Or would they all be booked up in advance so you get the 'treat' of having to run around last minute?

It's also really rude to withdraw from parties last minute unless the kids are unwell. His manners aren't good and he isn't helping his children socially with this.

I’d hate this. Normal weekends at home doing stuff with the kids are a pleasure. Him tantrumming because he’s not getting his way would not make me want to spend more time with him.

Talk, but dig your heels in.

DP and I have been away most weekends this summer, sometimes very spur of the moment, but no DC are involved and we don't live together so he does all his own packing and laundry, I literally have to pack a few things for myself and go, and I have that down to a fine art, less than 15 min.

It's great, but even so I'm glad we now have a few weeks with no plans, and there's no way on earth I'd be cancelling any commitment I'd made, with anyone, to go on a last minute trip. That's beyond to pale IMO.

Besides which sulking because you say no about anything is emotional abuse.

I feel really sorry for your kids and I feel sorry for you not realising how unreasonable this and unfair on them. I would have told my husband to grow up a long ago and if he’d carried on sulking I’d have left him long before now

Tell him NO. It's not fair on the kids always to miss out on parties and events they have been invited to and it will damage their friendships.

Let your selfish prick of a DH sulk. The answer is still no.

My ex was like this. It was as if our company, our home and our community wasn’t enough. There always had to be something going on, usually expensive that involved organising, packing, bundling into the car etc. It was exhausting. Nowadays, DP, DC and I spend most of the time at home, popping out to do things locally or see friends. We enjoy just hanging out together, and our home. It’s enough, I have a lot more peace.

Bloody hell op, everyone would hate this, surely! Has he been telling you you should be so grateful? What a crock of shit.

A). Your husband is horrible.

B). Next time, say “ok” and at the appointed time, go and sit in the car. “I’m here”. Just that. No bags, no kids, no snacks. If he squawks try saying “you wanted a weekend away so you are getting one.” Put absolutely everything into his lap. It might make for an absolutely awful weekend but pettiness can do that. Never say that I can’t be petty.

I wouldn't be able to live like that with two young children. No way.

Could he not go on his own occasionally?

So it’s 11pm and you are about to go to sleep. He just announces that you are all going away in the morning. Do you just hop up and start packing? What does he do? Does he just swan off to bed?

I know! This is a ‘no we are fucking not, and you’re taking Jacqueline to a party at the trampoline place at 10:30. You need to stop letting your children down if you want them to like you when they’re older’ And roll over and go back to sleep moment.

What is an Oxbridge man?

So your DH decides - often at the last minute - he wants to go away and everyone else has to run around packing and making all the other arrangements, including cancelling pre-existing social arrangements? And if you don't want to he sulks?

He sounds like a knob.