AIBU to want fewer last-minute family trips at the weekend?

I could not cope with this at all. Your husband is a selfish prick.

I absolutely love a holiday/break but this sounds incredibly stressful. He is being very unreasonable.

I think you need to arrange some time on neutral ground where you explain this to him one final time. Or simply write him a letter, explaining it as you have done here.

How would you feel if he did some weekend breaks without you and the DC for example?

Also it doesn’t have to be a binary choice between being away the whole weekend or being stuck at home all weekend.

Could you start to plan in things for you to do as a family at weekends in advance? A child friendly theatre trip for example.

It sounds utterly exhausting.

He needs an absorbing hobby to distract him. Golf? Cycling? Kids are older not babies / toddlers so easier for you if he pushes off 9-1 or something and gets it out of his system.

YANBU at all. The odd well planned, known in advance weekend away is fun. But having random last minute trips thrown at me the night before would be my idea of hell. They stop becoming a treat if you’re away all the time and just become yet another chore.

YANBU at all @Fruityjunior . He needs to calm the fuck down. What is he running away from all the time?

Just let him pack for himself and go alone. You and the DC stay behind and let them go to the parties.

What I'm struggling with is I'm finding it exhausting to keep packing and sorting stuff out all the time to go away. The kids also miss out on birthday parties and having play dates etc at the weekends. He also decides he wants to go away extremely last minute so sometimes it's a crazy rush for me trying to get everything ready.

Stop enabling it. If he is booking trips then he can sort out packing etc. If he has time to book trips then he can also be the one to inform those holding birthday parties that the children won’t be attending because he has booked something else. I suspect after a couple of times he will calm the fuck down.

He's being an arse here. 'I have a big, important job so only my wishes matter'. Your children will suffer socially if you keep dropping out last minute. I'd think twice about inviting them to the party next year.

It does get busy with clubs, parties etc so would be reasonable to keep some weekends free from these so you can go away. Otherwise he needs to find himself a hobby, embrace day trips or just learn to relax at home. It's the wrong time of year, but we spent money on our garden so I enjoy it more, and that gives me more enjoyment when I am at home.

Unreasonable.

I hope I never do business with someone like that also.

I don't think you are lucky at all and you need to reflect why you think that/justify that to yourself.

You have a selfish DH who you cannot communicate constructively with because he tantrums when you make quite reasonable points. He is only interested in his own needs at the expense of others. What's lucky about that ?

I knew before I had even got to the part where you said, that you'd be the one doing all the housework etc

You have to be very careful here. DCs that drop out of organised parties and playdates at the last minute stop getting invited. Can’t imagine H is much use at actual parenting, so encouraging him to take up a time consuming exhausting hobby such as cycling or hill walking could be the way to go.

Just say no, we have a family diary so all commitments are in there, we can both see them and neither I nor DH think it’s ok to ditch things like parties or playdates, people will eventually just stop including your kids. Thats so selfish.

Im amazed women live like this.

Most probably, highly academic but lacking in common sense.

Why is that relevent? I don't understand why it is the first question many people ask.
I would hate that too OP. Down time at home is important for children too. It sounds as though you don't get any chance to just relax at home and be without doing anything in particular.
Would you be happy for him to go away without the family sometimes? Would he be willing to compromise by going less frequently? And doing some of the organising himself.

Both ours had activities at the weekend from about 7 onwards my Saturday morning was driving to dance / hockey. The dc weren’t amazing at these sports but really enjoyed them and got a lot out of this. These commitments would have knocked this constant going away on the head.

Are you sure he’s not on the run?!

If he didnt pull his weight or be able to compromise with out being a sulky fool than she has every right.

I just could not cope with this, much as I love a weekend away. When we were doing research on areas to move to, we did the occasional weekend, but both worked f/t and have dogs, so I’d prep well in advance and gradually. No way could I cope with being told at 11pm!

What a controlling ass. And I bet he doesn't like being at home.because then there are things to do - activities to take children to, chores etc.

Let him sulk.

So he gets what he wants, and the rest of you have to miss out on stuff or he'll have a tantrum and punish you all with his moods.

Do you really need to ask if yabu.....?

He's a selfish inconsiderate shit.

Dropping out of parties is really rude. It also likely costs the host money and disappoints the birthday child! It’s bad enough dealing with inevitable last min drop outs for sickness etc.

I would hate this as i hate packing, my ‘d’ h knows this and yet somehow I still ended up doing all the packing (and unpacking though that is less stressful) for everyone for 2 separate self catering (so need more!) weeks this summer. We had a lovely time but it takes a huge toll on me and I usually arrive unwell… He also has a very busy important job which I have to say I’ve somewhat ceased to care about lately 🙄😳 thing is if I left him to pack we wd end up without loads of stuff which wd also be stressful aghhhh! Fully understand some people just don’t get the hatred of packing but I find it horrific.

what happens if you just say no? Do you have a shared diary? Would he be receptive to blocking out say a weekend a month for trips in advance? This is only going to get harder to manage as the kids get older…

<AIBU in this very unlikely situation?>

<lots of responses, questions, suggestions >

<tumbleweed>

🎶 What’s it all about, OP? 🎶

Yanbu and that sounds awful.

He sounds like a very spoiled man child.
The tantrums are a huge red flag, when he doesn't get what he wants.

Your poor children.
Not turning up to things for the children is shocking and you will be known for it.
Invitations will rightly dwindle.

So he works, and does nothing else.
Doesn't like being at home.
You are a SAHM? And house skivvy it sounds.

Nothing about your life sounds great.
It reads as a really controlling relationship with a man who cares only for himself.

I really feel sorry for your children, their feelings don't seem to count, no more than yours.

Why does it always have to be a weekend away? Why not just a few hours out, day trip, local events, zoo, museum, whatever. That way he gets to leave the house at the weekend (which I get when you’re stuck wfh all week) but you can plan it around anything else that’s happening and no packing for you. He sounds incredibly selfish.

thing is if I left him to pack we wd end up without loads of stuff which wd also be stressful aghhhh!

which he could use the BIG SKILLS from his BIG JOB to fix.

Stop babying grown men who are perfectly capable of doing everything women can do.

Yes, I hear you. It is the bane of my fucking life you don’t need to tell me. To the point of serious consideration of divorce.
unfortunately ADHD and dysphraxia do not help. No consequence will stop him forgetting it again. Ultimately I don’t want to end up without kids medication and other essentials.
in the big important job he has a secretary and admin team etc…