It's the classic "DD15 threw an out of control party while I was on holiday" thread. AIBU to be this upset/angry?

That is ridiculous, she is 15 FFS and was drunk out of her mind I think. The advice to lock all access to rooms except her bedroom, en-suite and kitchen is excellent, and you should get a safe, put it in one of the locked rooms, or just give her zero access in future and let her stay with Dad, but don"t make it into a massive emotional thing that will ruin your relationship for years to come, it should be a short practical lesson in consequences and other people"s boundaries/feelings, she will thank you for it in years to come if done properly.

No - she is not a victim here too.

She planned the party, lied to her dad, and did not call police when she saw what was happening. She got drunk, and has clearly wheedled her pathetic father into letting her out with friends even though grounding was the punishment handed out.

This is a young girl who has no respect for her parents or for herself.

Drinking to the point of oblivion is a choice.

I disagree that maintaining the relationship with someone who clearly doesn't care at all about you is the way to go here.

This girl needs a really serious reality check. The basis of a good relationship is respect, not turning yourself into a doormat.

Hopefully DD will be so terrified of the wrath she will incur by going behind her mother's back and throwing parties without permission that calling police when things get out of hand will never have to happen.

So distraught that she persuaded her father to let her out with friends when they both knew her punishment was grounding. She probably spent the whole evening crying...

Yes of course but this may not be the last party she ever goes to. And she may be able stop someone else from a party gone wrong

This. And he Dad needs to start checking she is where she says she is, not just letting her go

Yes just bear in mind, insurance companies operate on a war of attrition. They earn money by saying no repeatedly and hoping people won’t be arsed to push them/ complain/ report them to the ombudsman. As you say, this is now clearly a burglary with witnesses. Do not take no for an answer, read your policy, complain, escalate, get things recorded in writing. If all else fails report them to the ombudsman. But I think they’ll pay out before that.

Oh and if they undervalue everything complain about that too. That will be their next step.

She's very lucky that it wasn't worse. The teenage girl I mentioned upthread has no idea of the identity of the boys who abused her at a 'party'.

when I was broken into there was no forced entry. Previous tenants had given a key to someone and as locks hadn’t been changed they just let themselves in. Even through a crime was committed as confirmed by police there was no payout. I fear you will have very little luck with insurance. Especially as it cannot be proven that the items were not taken by a guest that your daughter had let in.

i hope she is continuing to take responsibility for her actions. She put your household, neighbours and herself in a really dangerous position. She really really messed up badly. And then already going out again when she was supposed be grounded does not sound like someone who gives a crap about the damage she did.

And then already going out again when she was supposed be grounded does not sound like someone who gives a crap about the damage she did.

In fairness, at that point DD and her dad thought it was 'just' a case of the house being trashed and the medals taken, and there'd been an amount of clearing up and getting a cleaner in.

It was only a day or two after OP got back, that the extent of the damage and the thefts came to light.

‘Just’ trashing a house, having her brothers sentimental items stolen and being so drunk the police had to take you home. Just??

That's why I put 'just' in inverted comments. That was bad enough. But I found the dad would have let her break the grounding had her known how very much much worse it was.

Do you not understand what inverted commas are used for?

Really ? Never ? Family relationships are so much more important than material things, even 15k worth of jewellery, 8 diamond rings etc. Broken or stolen things can be fixed or replaced. My children are worth millions to me. I would be eternally grateful that my daughter had not come to any physical harm. An odd title for OP though, "I'll bite your legs off" she doesn't sound remotely aggressive?? An anagram perhaps ?

While I agree that the reaction and comments of the poster you've quoted are quite extreme, it is simplistic to reduce this to an argument of valuing material items over family relationships. There is the lying, deceit, violation of trust and invasion of the OP's home to consider over and above the loss of jewellery etc. Being burgled is a horrible experience - not just the loss of material items but the knowledge that total strangers with ill intent have trespassed into your personal space. However, I agree that forgiveness is necessary - and hopefully the daughter truly has learnt some lessons and is sorry.

I hope it’s all settling down a bit at yours. It must still be a very tricky time.

All gone very quiet here ????

Have the insurance changed their mind after the police report saying they locked up

@BeUmberMember
Glad she never came to any physical harm
But, being the sort of person i am
My kids know I can carry a grudge forever and a day
I know talk about 'letting go'
But with me it's more
'I'll remember this time and not give you the chance ever again whilst still functioning the best I possibly can'
Not right for most
But works for me

Any further news on this ?

Any update @IllBiteYourLegsOff ?

That's really poor response from the police.

Sounds like it's time to put in a complaint with the police, did they really send only a single police officer? They must have a sergeant you can speak to?

Ultimately, the consequences are that she's lost your trust. That means less freedoms, as she can not be trusted. She's going to have to work hard to gain back any trust.

My 15 year old also lied and said he was going to a sleepover. He went on a coach hours away to meet up with someone else. He got himself into big trouble, but it really hurt me that he lied to my face so much. That summer, I didn't let him out of my sight, or he stayed with other trusted adults in the family. That was when we put life360 on the phone.

For your daughter, this is going to mean closer supervision as she can't be trusted.