To think husband doesn't get to have it both ways re children?

sit down will you 🤭

I know you believe you’re coming out with sparkling and totally thread-relevant witticisms, but please stop. You’re truly awful at it.

You presume an awful lot
absolute nonsense
stop coming after me ☺

you presume a lot dont you

Pot..meet kettle.

Your other half doesn't seem particularly bothered and you are right he should step up. I do however feel sorry for the step children. Of they are going to be left home alone what is the point of them being there at all? Also playing out with friends and not being sure where they are at the age of 12 would be a no from me. I hope he steps up for all of your sakes.

I have no doubt that these children feel excluded and like second class citizens. It's not their fault that their dad had new children with a new woman.

That's very true. It's also not their fault that their mum and dad didn't stay together in the first place but no one ever seems to care about that bit. If people want a nuclear family and have their children not be stepchildren and be the sole focus of everything you do then they should BE one. After all, they knew what they were getting into when they had kids together. Suck it up, stay together and put those poor, poor children first.

Oh you again
block button needed

Well, given that only 45% of marriages last, I'm sure that in about 8 years time, it will be your two children sitting at home all alone, when their Step mum goes out for the day with the "new" children. But that'll be ok with you, because it's what you did yourself. Right?

What on earth??? How is OP's behaviour now in ANY way going to influence the behaviour of a fictional someone else in the future??? What a ridiculous thing to say! OP could be the most attentive, self-sacrificing, boundary-less individual waiting on her step kids hand and foot and not stepping out of the house unless it's to cater to them at all times and she still would have no say in what happens with their (fictional) future step mother!

Kids tend to be very loyal to their parents. Even absent ones like the df and disinterested ones like his wife. They sometimes need guiding. So while they may not say 'we feel really unwelcome in your house and don't want to visit anynmore', if someone said, 'you know if you'd rather stay at home and see your friends and actually have fun at a weekend that is fine', well they could say ok yes thankyou!

They may not of course but someone, anyone, needs to talk to these poor kids.

I have 3 DSCs now older than OPS - if I am in the house and making my lunch I ask them if they want anything, Dad often not in the house. If i am going out I tell them what is around to eat and what not to touch

Likewise washing - I tell them washing will be done on x day - put what they want in the whites or coloureds basket- hand washed stuff they do themselves.

Sorry this whole I make lunch for my two but not the others, wash mine but not his -is really petty. He does the same.

OP is point scoring against her DP and using the children to do it -seriously that says more about OP than anyone else.

And the mother goes out for a meal occasionally leaving her 14 yr old to baby sit the 12 yr old - normal family development for a few hours - but not the whole day.

Dude, you popped up to reply some shite at me 😂

You’ve been free not to engage me this whole time, so please do take your own advice.

So you do exactly what OP does. Why is she in the wrong and you're not?

I sort of gave up after page 17 of comments so apologies if this has already been addressed - but what if OP didn't have children of her own? What if, rather than a prearranged aquarium trip, her plans were going to get her nails done or a boozy brunch with a friend? DH still chooses to work at the weekend and still only gives her 24 hours notice - would people still be clamouring for OP to stay behind and look after the children all day? Or that she cancels her plans last minute to take them out to something they want to do? Or that she take them along with her?

I'm guessing not.

Sitting ready to pounce on me like an animal as soon as I post 😆 this thread is lost on you

@PickledFrog as a step mum responsibility wise you're doing well feeding four children, washing for four children. Working full time.

Your husband and his ex I'm not impressed with

It is a shit situation, but it's between her and her dh. So either leave him or accept it but to leave a 12yr and 14yr to their own devices while they are supposed to be part of the family is not ok.

People need to really think hard about setting up home with someone who already has kids. I struggle to believe that this man has not displayed selfish behaviour previously. But she married him, added more kids to the situation so what does she expect. A different husband?

These poor kids. No one really seems to be looking out for them.

Sure hun, if you say so. Quit quoting me then whining when you get the attention you clearly want.

Here’s your star, now please do what you claim to want and move along.

I’m not sure why the DSC come over at all. If they don’t see their Dad just what is the point? I feel sorry for them.

Because they live their half the time and don’t seem to have a problem with the status quo. Nor it seems does their mother.

I applaud the OP for refusing to be the 'default' parent to DSC. It is not okay for men to assume this or force women into this position.
But she needs to do more to try and make DH step up - however long and earnest conversations are probably all she can do, other than leaving him.
I would hope he wouldn't leave his DC home alone all day if he had no partner at all.

and again 🤣🤣🤣
pathetic really 😆

They don't know it isn't ok. Kids go along with all kinds of crap and accept it. I bet when they're older they'll have a problem with the disinterest they experienced visiting their absent dad and his very very busy wife.

Not answering my question at all.

And all that nonsense about not setting up home with someone who already has kids is a pointless thing to say -it's already done. Marrying someone who has kids does not mean you wordlessly take on all their neglected childcare duties - what you're thinking of is an interview for a nanny position.

Or they genuinely don’t think there’s a problem. You wanting to believe they secretly have a problem with it, or that they’re bound to at some indeterminate date in the future, doesn’t mean they actually do or will.